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Original poster

Why did he tell me about her abortion

61 replies

Tara999 · 03/07/2019 20:35

I have been with my partner for a long time and at the start he told me his ex had an surgical abortion. He said they hadn't been together long & she didn't want anymore kids as she already had one from Someone else. This is massively playing on my mind as I have no idea why he told me this...he said it was an upsetting day but one of the best days of his life due to if they had of gone through with pregnancy he wouldn't of then met me & had our kids. I really want to ask him if he thought about the baby that might of been when I fell pregnant with our kid. I really want to ask him how he felt when he found out she had gone on to have a kid with someone else despite not wanting his baby. My head's a mess & I don't know why. I just wish he hadn't Told me I can't erase it from my memory 😭

OP posts:
MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/07/2019 20:37

I’m slightly confused, if he told you at the start why is it relevant to you now? Have you just had a baby with him?

Original poster
Tara999 · 03/07/2019 20:44

Yes

OP posts:
SoyDora · 03/07/2019 20:46

If you’ve been together a long time, is there a reason it’s playing on your mind now?
It was the best decision for them at the time. That’s all you need to know really.

Original poster
Tara999 · 03/07/2019 20:47

He also told me he dropped her off didn't go with her I'm not sure why he told me this ( maybe because he didn't want her to have it or maybe she didn't want him to go) apparently they stayed together for a while after I'm not sure why

OP posts:
Original poster
Tara999 · 03/07/2019 20:48

I just don't understand why he felt the need to tell me ?

OP posts:
SoyDora · 03/07/2019 20:49

Have you asked him?

Original poster
Tara999 · 03/07/2019 20:51

No 😭 I don't know how too. He also said it was a misunderstanding that's how she got pregnant?? What misunderstanding could there be?? And why wouldn't she of got morning after pill if she was that adamant she wanted no more kids?

OP posts:
MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/07/2019 20:53

If you’ve just had a baby maybe he’s suddenly feeling guilt and projecting what his “first” baby might have been like? He might suddenly have thought back to his poor behaviour to his ex and regretted leaving her to deal with it alone?

I’d let him talk about it if he wants to but apart from that I don’t really see how their decision in the past affects you now?

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/07/2019 20:54

Speculating about their relationship and lack of common sense about protection won’t help you. Focus on your new baby and look after yourself

Wildorchidz · 03/07/2019 20:54

How long have you been with him? How long ago was he with her?

ginandnappies · 03/07/2019 20:56

Morning after pill doesn't always work btw. Concentrate on yourself and baby you have enough on your plate.

HarrietSchulenberg · 03/07/2019 20:56

You say he told you at the start of your relationship which makes me think he wanted to keep no secrets from you. I would have thought his openness was a good thing.

ginandnappies · 03/07/2019 20:56

And you can be on long term contraception and get pregnant. It really grates me when people say pregnancy can't be a misunderstanding.

MashedSpud · 03/07/2019 20:57

It’s in the past and it concerns a previous relationship. You can’t change what happened.

Is he happy with you and your dc? That’s all that matters tbh.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/07/2019 20:58

That’s true, my friends fallen pregnant twice whilst on two types of contraception (pill and using condoms) she’s like a fertility goddess

Original poster
Tara999 · 03/07/2019 20:58

I just don't understand the need to tell me & it's not really something I can drop into conversation

OP posts:
Knobrob · 03/07/2019 20:59

He probably told you because he wanted to get it out there. Why wouldn't he tell you? He was being open, honest and vulnerable. This is a good thing, surely?

AllFourOfThem · 03/07/2019 21:00

I’m guessing this child would be a grown up by now if they stayed together afterwards and you’ve been together so long. Have you spent all those years thinking this or is it a new thing?

Original poster
Tara999 · 03/07/2019 21:00

He said it was a misunderstanding I don't understand that reading between the lines I think she was using a diaphragm

OP posts:
MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/07/2019 21:02

Why are you so focused on this now?

You’ve just had a baby, this can’t be healthy for your relationship with with your partner if baby.

How old is your baby?

user1493413286 · 03/07/2019 21:02

How old is your baby? I only ask because I wonder if that’s effecting how you’re viewing this. I think it’s understandable he told you as it’s a significant event in his life. He might think of the termination sometimes as would be normal for anyone but I doubt he’s bothered she had a child with someone else and is probably glad how everything worked out. Would you rather he hadn’t told you and had hidden it?

Knobrob · 03/07/2019 21:03

Or course you can drop it into conversation. 'Darling, since having our baby I've thought a lot about when you told me about that abortion. I just wondered why you told me?'

But it's so obvious why he told you I personally wouldn't ask.

But if it's eating you up you should. If you can have a baby with someone you can talk to him.

grossed · 03/07/2019 21:03

I think he's just sharing something that was important to him.

dodgeballchamp · 03/07/2019 21:04

I’m not really sure why you’re bothered. It was what they wanted to do at the time. If his ex has gone on to have children with someone else she obviously changed her mind about not wanting more which she’s entitled to do. I don’t understand why you’re confused that they stayed together - why wouldn’t they? An abortion doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Why can’t you bring it up in conversation? He’s your partner, just say ‘can I ask you about your ex’s abortion?’ But having said that I’m not sure what your issue is

Justathinslice · 03/07/2019 21:15

Well, because people tell people personal stuff about themselves when they are starting a relationship.

If it's been years, let it go!