Why did he tell me about her abortion

[Tara999]

I have been with my partner for a long time and at the start he told me his ex had an surgical abortion. He said they hadn't been together long & she didn't want anymore kids as she already had one from Someone else. This is massively playing on my mind as I have no idea why he told me this...he said it was an upsetting day but one of the best days of his life due to if they had of gone through with pregnancy he wouldn't of then met me & had our kids. I really want to ask him if he thought about the baby that might of been when I fell pregnant with our kid. I really want to ask him how he felt when he found out she had gone on to have a kid with someone else despite not wanting his baby. My head's a mess & I don't know why. I just wish he hadn't Told me I can't erase it from my memory 😭

It’s highly unlikely you went through pregnancy with an undetected STD OP

You sound obsessed

I don’t mean that nastily but you do. Yes it could be an STI, but it could be 100 other things. As for why your partner told you about the abortion - because he was being open and honest with you? Again - what’s the issue here?

Are you usually an anxious person OP? I understand having a baby unleashes a whole lot of hormones and feelings but if you’re feeling anxious about things like this, then perhaps speak to somebody? You need to focus on yourself and your baby.

OP, do you want to talk about your mental health briefly? I wonder if you’ve considered that postnatal depression can take hold anytime until a year after birth. I say this because anxiety and overthinking are big markers of PND. What do you think?

If your tests came back clear three years ago, then that means only one thing. Sorry

The OP has only said that her symptoms could be an STI. Not that she actually has an STI.

Have you been diagnosed with an sti and if so, which one?

People share all kinds of intimate information at the start of a relationship. It’s part ‘this is who I am, do you like me?’ and part ‘this is where I come from and how I came to be’ so that nothing comes out later and wrecks things when it could have been addressed sooner before you get in too deep. I’d certainly have told OH if I’d had a past termination as I’d want him to know that part of my history and as we’ve moved forwards into our relationship and tried for a baby I think it’d feel awkward to me not to mention that I’ve been pregnant before (especially as they ask you that at pre conception appointments with the gynae while you’re sat together).

I really don’t understand why it’s bothering you so much now, though, OP. How recently did you have the baby? Is there a chance you’ve maybe got a bit of postnatal anxiety and you’re fixating on this situation with his ex because you’re anxious in general and worried something is gonna go wrong (hence the link between their unprotected sex, worrying you’ve got an STI)?

Did it bother you before recently that they’d had an abortion?

I think it’d be a good idea to speak to someone about all of this, if you self refer to your local IAPT you’ll be fast tracked on the waiting list for some kind of counselling if your baby is under a year old. You should be able to talk to your partner about this stuff too if you have questions bugging you re the ‘misunderstanding’ for example, though I worry you’ll just be fanning the flames of anxiety and that it won’t help you to move on.

If you’re someone who has STI screens before a new partner it’s very unlikely you have an STI unless he’s cheated. But even if you do, you can usually get treatment. Not the end of the world.

Did the GP maybe say an UTI?

Try to stay calm.
You've slot on your plate.
Look to your wonderful baby.
My ex's ex had an ab* years before me. He didn't want her too and I think there could have been another small person around as we have a child.
Bit sad but as time goes on this fades and she has 2 siblings now.
This too shall pass.

Taking the first part of your post, my xH told me that one of his girlfriends had an abortion. Apparently she told him she would continue the pregnancy if he would be the main carer and he said no. I should have thought long and hard about having DC with this man. This did niggle away at my mind that he was so cavalier about a potential child (but that is my own position). Many women do have abortions and obviously they have male partners too - so I guess the other side of the coin is what if he had not told you, and you found out.

The second part, I think you really need to go back to the doctor for clarification and testing before you speculate any further. I did have HPV from my xH and required a procedure etc but I have no idea if this was from cheating or as a PP says, it had been dormant.

If your relationship is otherwise sound, these are things which you should be able to talk to your husband about.

He told you about an upsetting time in his life. That's normal. Your focus on this now after years isn't normal. Maybe you should directly ask for a psychologist to help you get past this. You'd probably feel happier if you could let this go.

I think it's good he shared with you right at the start. It's not good that you're obsessing over this now.