My fiance left over my daughter (his step child)

[Betterlife19]

So my partner left over my daughter shes a teenager 13 years old,they did not get along,cut a long story short she told me to choose between them and he just up and left,to me there was no choosing needed shes a teenager were the adults right? She cant tell us what to do. He cut off all contact bearing in mind he lives down the road,even with my other children one who he brought up from 8 month old now shes nearly 4 😥,now I find out hes moved on with a woman around the corner with kids who go to school with my kids, we were engaged lost a baby togeather. I mean ya could not make this up could you. I'm devastated it's been 8 weeks now but hes been seeing this woman for about 5 of them.

This sounds very hard OP.
Did you post recently regarding this issue and your daughter refusing to leave her fathers?

to me there was no choosing needed shes a teenager were the adults right? She cant tell us what to do so your choice would have been to choose him.

It sounds like your daughter has better taste in men. He's moved on after 8 weeks, ignoring the kids he helped raise. I'd wonder if he was already seeing her?

Why does ypir daughter dislike him so much? Could she see what you couldn't?

It sounds like you had a lucky escape.

Obviously my kids come first but can you let teenagers rule your life?

I think I did have a lucky escape,men baffle me so much it's my youngest i feel.sorry for thats all.

Your daughter was out of order expecting you to "choose" but I'd be wondering why they didn't get on and how he (as the adult) tried to fix or build a positive relationship. Especially as he's been around her for atleast 3 years by the sounds of it.

With that said, the fact that he upped and left a long term relationship where children are involved and moved on with another woman so soon would have me questioning his character anyway. Sounds like he got his excuse and walked away to the woman in waiting tbh. You're well rid

Yes I got her back home but shes so difficult atm wont go to school ect typical teenager

Would you really just have let your dd stay away at her dads?

Did you ever get to the bottom of why she gave you that ultimatum?

And how can it be 8 weeks, when you originally posted 4 weeks ago saying it had already been two months at that point?

That's not a typical teenager.

Shes so moody and I think he must have been unhappy just to walk away and just to go straight to someone tbh I have no reason to believe he was cheating but he was on social media the day after we split so says it all

Doesn’t sound like a typical teenager to me. Sounds like she was doing you a favour, and you have nothing good to say about her.

I think you need to have a serious discussion with your daughter, it sounds like something is really bothering her.

Why doesn't she want to go to school? Do you know why she is so unhappy?

It's been 9 weeks since he left nearly jeeze what's this the time police he left the end of april it must av been around 6 weeks when I posted last I'm aakin for advice not to be criticised and shes mild compared to the typical teenager tbh

to me there was no choosing needed shes a teenager were the adults right?

Well given she’s forced to live with him she should have a say!

God I am so sick of these threads of selfish parents forcing their kids to live in shitty circumstances with toxic step parents.

How about realising the that the poor kid didn’t ask to be born, can’t leave, how would you feel if you were forced to live with someone you didn’t like OP?

And it sounds like you blame her for him leaving.

He jumped out of your bed and into another woman's. Now he. Ight just want a warm bed and a hot meal, but if she's taken up with her kids mates mum's ex that quickly, I'd def think there was a cross over period and he was looking for an excuse.

Your daughter sounds like a sad kid, not a typical teen

I was exactly like her at her age worse my mother says every time I you speak to her she wont its so frustrating she says she hates my other kids as there annoying and things I dont k know what to do

I dont blame her for him for leaving it was his choice not hers I've told her that millions of times she blames herself my kids come before any man there all I live for I just cant get my head around it all with him or my daughter

Hithere12 I'm actually laughing at u tbh I would never put my child in a toxic person's presence never mind make them live with one how judgemental are u lot seriously

My fiance left over my daughter

Shes so moody and I think he must have been unhappy just to walk away

I'm glad you're telling her it isn't her fault, bit I hope you sound more convincing than you do on here

I'm not getting at you Betterlife19, I have an unhappy teenager too so I' not judging.

But refusing to go to school isn't typical. They all grumble about school, rejoice when it's the holidays, but they do actually want to go in and see their friends and socialise - most teens would be bored shitless without school.

I would be worried about the school refusal, the moodiness and her feeling the need to ask you to choose - her experience might be quite different from yours. Talk to her. And listen.

How old are you?

OP, you had this guy living with all your kids when your youngest was only 8 months old, after splitting with their dad. That's a lot for your kids to have gone through, and you couldn't possibly have known what type of person this guy really was by then. Now he's shown his true colours, concentrate on finding out what is causing your daughter to be so unhappy.

You do sounds as though you're blaming your daughter, though.

Having said that, the bloke doesn't sound like much of a catch. you said that he was seeing the OW most of the time you were together - or did I pick that up wrong?

Regardless, your daughter needs you and shouldn't be getting bad vibes from you about this fuck-up.

I would never put my child in a toxic person's presence

Why was she so miserable with him then??