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Original poster

My fiance left over my daughter (his step child)

77 replies

Betterlife19 · 01/07/2019 00:38

So my partner left over my daughter shes a teenager 13 years old,they did not get along,cut a long story short she told me to choose between them and he just up and left,to me there was no choosing needed shes a teenager were the adults right? She cant tell us what to do. He cut off all contact bearing in mind he lives down the road,even with my other children one who he brought up from 8 month old now shes nearly 4 😥,now I find out hes moved on with a woman around the corner with kids who go to school with my kids, we were engaged lost a baby togeather. I mean ya could not make this up could you. I'm devastated it's been 8 weeks now but hes been seeing this woman for about 5 of them.

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 01/07/2019 01:45

I know this must hurt but honestly, long term, this is probably one of the best things that ever happened to you. The guy is a dickhead. I remember your last post about this. He was clearly looking for an excuse to ditch you all and still wanted to make out like he was being brave and heroic, whilst cutting contact with children that he's essentially been dad to for all these years. And 3 weeks after he left he's already playing happy families with a woman up the road from you? FFS. He sounds absolutely vile.

I hope you realise how much of a wanker he is and how much better off you and your children are without him. Let the woman up the road have him. She'll soon be last week's news too.

Don't let anyone do this to you again. Whilst your kids are young enough to be living at home you need to think very carefully about moving in a new partner. When you do eventually meet someone new please take your time getting to know them and be very cautious about getting serious. It affects your children.

Bouncingbelle · 01/07/2019 02:04

So you have a blatently unhappy teenager who has already had 2 men in her life in the past 4 years (your younger childs biological dad & this guy), NOT acting like a 'typical" teen - cos school refusal ISNT typical, moaning about it maybe - and a guy who has upped and left you and moved onto the next poor sod who is daft enought to give him a home. I know which one I'd be more concerned about.

Hollyhobbi · 01/07/2019 02:21

I don't understand how your daughter is your ex-fiancé's stepchild if you're not even married.

lazymare · 01/07/2019 02:36

Oh piss off you do 'understand'. You just want to make a jibe about them not being married. It's hardly the point here.

OP you have had a lucky escape and so has your teen.

mathanxiety · 01/07/2019 03:37

So you're still ignoring the question of what this 'man' may or may not have done to cause such unusual negative behaviour and extreme unhappiness in your daughter?

mathanxiety · 01/07/2019 03:39

... while instead devoting headspace to his baffling behaviour and trying to warp your head around the bleeding obvious.

mathanxiety · 01/07/2019 03:40

*wrap

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/07/2019 04:44

Your poor dd. It sounds as if she needs a lot of support as does your youngest in a different way. Both their worlds are falling apart for different reasons. You are going to need to work hard to heal this situation.

From what you’ve said, I imagine you let the relationship move far too fast in the beginning and are now repenting at leisure. This all sounds terribly tough.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/07/2019 04:45

And I’m waiting with interest on how you respond to the question posed about what this man may or may not have done to your eldest.

Lemonlady22 · 01/07/2019 05:04

how many 'step dads' has this poor girl had and how many kids have you got by how many dads....?

AfterSchoolWorry · 01/07/2019 05:05

I reckon he had your woman around the corner lined up before he left. I also reckon it was nothing to do with your daughter, he just blamed her.

He sounds like a tool anyway OP, you're well rid.

Concentrate on your daughter now.

seahorse85 · 01/07/2019 05:23

@Lemonlady22

how many kids have you got by how many dads....?

What sexist, misogynist clap-trap! Says more about the "dads" who took off than the mum! Smug and judgemental, not to mention irrelevant to the post.

Other than that OP, I agree with previous posters I'm afraid. He doesn't sound like a great role model for your children. Lucky escape.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/07/2019 05:42

I agree with Afterschool. I think you it would be an idea to discuss this idea with your dd as a fact. She’s old enough to understand. And then you can take on the chin that you messed up and she can let herself off the hook.

I imagine you have other children from what you have said. How are they handling seeing this man on school property picking up the other kids and ignoring them? How are you going to handle this when your youngest goes to school presumably this sept?

twattymctwatterson · 01/07/2019 08:44

Op it seems like you've very deliberately not said what happened prior to the ultimatum being issued. Because something did.

Smellbowpenisbeaker · 01/07/2019 08:47

This is tricky. My first thought is that something must’ve really bothered her and weighed on her mind for her to level an ultimatum. That’s massive.

And now, as much as you’re focused on your ex partner, I can’t imagine how much she must be feeling to blame for seeing you so upset.

Smellbowpenisbeaker · 01/07/2019 08:50

Oh god you’ve told her you think she’s to blame haven’t you?

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 01/07/2019 08:52

I think he made the right choice. Your daughter isnt displaying typical behaviour. There is obviously somethings wrong.

Her issue seems to be around him. So he left.

LIZS · 01/07/2019 08:56

Think you, and your dd, are well rid. There is more going on with your dd than mere teen angst. What would happen when your other dc get to similar age. If new woman has similar age kids he will soon move on again, if it really was her behaviour that irritated him. How well did you know him before he moved in ?

HoppingPavlova · 01/07/2019 08:58

My fiance left over my daughter

No. Your fiancée left because his preference was to get his leg over the lady round the corner. Your DD was just a very convenient excuse.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 01/07/2019 09:00

I think it's unfair to say that this man is every bad thing under the sun.

Teenagers can be hell. Look on the teenager board. Many parents would consider an out because of what their child is putting them through. But they can't.

If he's had to live through some seriously horrific behaviour then I don't blame him for tapping out.

So forget him.

What Op needs to focus on is her child. Is there an actual reason for this behaviour? Or is she throwing her weight around?

But jealously of who he's with now isn't going to help anything.

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 01/07/2019 09:01

Yeah cause dating someone 8 weeks later, must mean left the OP because of her.

Rather than the actual situation outlined.

Juells · 01/07/2019 09:08

I find out hes moved on with a woman around the corner with kids who go to school with my kids, we were engaged lost a baby togeather. I mean ya could not make this up could you. I'm devastated it's been 8 weeks now but hes been seeing this woman for about 5 of them.

I think you'll find he's been seeing her for a lot longer than that.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 01/07/2019 09:08

Some people jump into relationships like others have cups of tea. Men and women alike. Doesn't mean that there was any cheating. Maybe he'd checked out a long time ago so he didn't have to work through his feelings.

But whatever it was he's gone. He's not coming back and he had no obligation to the children.

OP does. So she should stop worrying about him and focus on her own home.

notapizzaeater · 01/07/2019 09:13

No your child can't tell you what to do but you have to listen to the 'why' and act accordingly.... after 3 plus years it would be unusual for a sudden dislike - perhaps she'd realised about the neighbour ?

You need to concentrate on your family, not him.

NotStayingIn · 01/07/2019 09:17

I don’t think he really left because of your daughter. He wanted out and your daughter gave him an easy opportunity.

I have no idea if he already had the other woman lined up but I think the fact he moved on so fast shows to me he isn’t not seeing you because of your daughter, he is not seeing you because he no longer wants to see you.

It’s horrid and I really feel for you.