Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Hey small. Pretty much same scenario here. Still dry. think I am so terrified that one drink will suddenly undo all the good work that I daren’t try. who knows how long this will last but its doing me good.

You ok, Ma - still hanging in there? I’m grumpy this week, got a cold and feel sorry for myself.
Somehow I convince myself that if I’m not drinking I should feel permanently perfect and am disproportionately flummoxed that I still get ill/irritable.

I’m also wondering when to taper the becks blue habit - had one at 10.45am today!

Hey small. yeah, all good here. i think I am finally creating a new habit whereby I come home, have AF beer or tonic and bitters, then very early bed to read or MN with a cup of tea. Not exciting, admittedly, but its working. My challenge comes on Saturday with dinner and sleep over with old friend. I know now I can do it without alcohol but the problem is I don’t think I want to be tee total. I wanted to stop the week night drinking and be able to enjoy a sociable drink or two with friends - which is what this is. But I am SO scared it will undo all the good work, hit the fuck it button and start the slide backwards.
Should I drink...or not?

Well... I'd say have a plan for either way.

A plan for if you do drink (maybe having more water than you normally might, at key points being conscious of whether you want to stop rather than mindlessly opening the next bottle, taking time to think about whether (at some point) you might just like a cup of tea and a girly natter rather than a slow sink into oblivion). Plus a plan for recovery in the morning, and maybe a commitment to come on here and tell us how awful you really feel with a hangover!

But maybe also a plan for not drinking (alternative treats, maybe a plan for something early the following morning like a beach walk as the sun comes up, or a massage with the wonderful Derek).

Decide when you get to the moment don't waste your life worrying about it now.

And if you do drink, then make sure to have a strong plan for the following afternoon / evening, and for the next few days. Lots of commitments, driving, early nights things to keep you busy and stop you feeling you're right back at the start.

I guess the question is will you see is as one random day off in the midst of an otherwise low-drinking life? Or falling off the waggon might as well go to hell with it full on?

venus you are the bus wise woman for a reason. X

Wise words venus. And evening, lads!

Morning! I'm still here. Its been a crazy couple of weeks at work. Lambing season is just starting too.
How is everyone doing. I'm still hanging onto sobriety by the skin of my teeth. I now can't stop eating and have put on a stone!

My BF mum died two weeks ago and I've booked to fly back for the funeral tomorrow. I'm now stressing I won't be able to make it thanks to the storm. It's the first time I'll be back "home" since Mum died too. It's made me realise it's not really my home anymore and its started the grieving process all over again.

Roll on March !

Aw mint It's these unexpected moments of grief that sometimes hit us hardest. And hanging on to sobriety by the skin of your teeth is still hanging on. There is nothing in this that returning to drinking would help. and a hug ( sort of lad hug, of course!)

Morning lads!

I drank last night. I have been working flat out, crazy hours leading up to a major event. I knew there was an expectation that the team would all go out and drink afterwards and that abstinence would be seen as very negative. I am in a new role and am still bedding in.

So I went and only had half of cider and then a small white wine. Got home, and instead of carrying on drinking, I just had a cup of tea and went to bed. This is major progress for me as before my 40 days AF, there is no way I would have been able to stop at that point.

Woke up this morning with a hangover!! After such a small amount of booze!

I kind of regret drinking but at the same time it was a reminder that I hate the hangovers and I really didn't have to drink, I just convinced myself I did. I guess I didn't want the senior top boss wondering why I wasn't drinking. Or maybe I am making excuses and I just wanted to drink.

Back on being AF - no major harm done.

Flew down in Ciara, flying back in Dennis. The weather has been kind to us for the funeral.

Its going to be hard leaving my beloved home town but now I know I can cope here without Mum, I'll be back.

AF Rhubarb and Ginger Gin followed by AF Prosecco. Seriously guys, you have to try this gin. Its amazing!

Hi lads (love it)

It's been a bit hit and miss for me. Did DJ with ease, drank on 1st Feb

Then over dinner on 8th Feb and most likely tomorrow.

Its not the same level (I've been in the mini bottles not the big ones or only drank when out) and it's been contained but its not going to work for me. It's already occupying my brain and seeping back in.

So back to abstinence it will have to be.

I planned to do lent anyway, but am so fucked off with myself that I need to set a challenge on order to not drink. Why can't I just not bloody drink?

Anyhow, I'm not giving up and I'm feeling positive for another crack at / period of sobriety

Wish I had a happier update, glad I didn't have a worse one!!

I also wanted to say how impressed and inspired I am by you lads on this thread.

Keep going, wish I'd fecking said no on 1st Feb

cruncymum the thing is this whole life is an experiment. You try something and it works - great. You try something different and it doesn't work so well. Maybe you try something that is completely disastrous.

But so what? Each thing you try is something new you learn about yourself, and that is going to be different from what anyone else learns from the same experiment.

YOU have tried lots of disastrous drinking, you know that's not good. You've tried a sober month, you managed it, were more in control, all good. You've tried some moderate drinking, and found that it's not yet the time for that. Great, what a good thing to find out. If you'd not drank on 1st Feb you would not have gained that knowledge. Say 'thank you' for those experiences and move on, and for you that might be another period of abstinence.

I drink very occasionally. But it's taken years to get to this point and I still have to be mindful to get back in my zone afterwards.

There is nothing 'not happy' about your update, just honesty.

Thank you very much venus.

Your words are very reassuring and very insightful.

I dont feel the loss / despair that I do when my drinking gets out of control but I don't feel the calmness and control of not drinking. So I think I have a very clear arrow pointing the next path for me.

Thank you again.

Greetings everyone
I promised to post the results of my blood test - incl liver function - but haven't done so. Am in ostrich mode and was too nervous to ask for them. Though since the results became available the Dr has not queried my requested repeat prescription (unrelated medication).

I have stopped drinking again since yesterday, I will admit, mainly to keep DH happy; but unlike Dry January, I don't know precisely how long for. In all honesty I haven't yet been able to derive any enjoyment or experienced significant reward from staying sober. maybe it'll come with time.

Hope you all are doing well.

turnstone it's tough when you're not feeling any direct benefit - although I wonder whether your dh sees any difference? Maybe one benefit would be not experiencing such worry about your test results?

We all have a different motivation for starting or staying on this journey - maybe health, maybe being able to function better in life, maybe longevity, maybe sheer bloody mindedness. I hope you find yours

Each thing you try is something new you learn about yourself, and that is going to be different from what anyone else learns from the same experiment

As usual venus you are spot on. Your last post made my eyes fill up. Thank you is insufficient.

I have learned to be grateful that I apparently possess the strength to put my lovely DH's wishes ahead of my inclinations to drink.

Just popping in to say I'm still here and also enormously grateful for Venus' wise words.
There are times (many!) I feel as though I'm making no progress, but then I think back to this time last year and realise how far I have come (even though I haven't reached the final destination yet).
As an example, I have just received an invitation to the annual mother's lunch at my DD's school. Last year, my thoughts revolved around how I could limit my drinking at such a function: should I drive? What sort of alcohol would be served and for how long? What if I made a fool of myself in front of such a large group of people? Would I be the odd one out not drinking? And so on.
This year when I received the invitation the thought of a drink didn't cross my mind at all. As it turns out I've decided not to go: I have lots of other things going on in my life and drinking (and eating) are just not the priority for me right now.
Another example: I've forgotten how enjoyable night driving can be, just for an outing. A year ago I wouldn't have even considered going out in the car at night as that would be my "drinking time". Small changes...

Great post marlu

Sometimes we get stuck in the day-to-day moment-to-moment struggle. But lift our heads and we can see a different landscape. Then we see that the huge peaks and troughs we thought we faced are more gentle ripples...

Lost you all and a babe in need pm’d me unable to find the thread. Need to keep the bus moving along so we don’t lose babes.
Needless to say my new found abstinence didn’t last. shouldn’t have had that drink at a friends house. but I Idid about 36 days AF which was great and I’m going to try again for Lent.

Thank you so much for bumping the thread! In my hungover state this morning I couldn’t find it!

Ugh been a rough few weeks, my illness followed by a relative dying suddenly before their time and losing a friend to suicide (drink was a factor) set me back on the road to hell again. I’ve been drinking silly levels of wine again. The many bottles of diet tonic water that I’d bought to go with my bitters are practically gathering dust in the kitchen now. I know what I need to do and while I’m on loads of sober groups on Facebook, I don’t really like posting stuff under my real name! So I haven’t asked for any help on those. I may set up a fb alias?

Ugh I was feeling great and doing well but the oblivion of drinking seems attractive still! Can anyone post anything to help tonget me back to how I was feeling mid January?

bleary I (and others) could post the most inspring, wonderful, poetic words. But, it's not what I write, it is what is written on your heart... Your deepest heart that somehow, secretly, longs to be sober, the heart that wants to be real and true and honest and awake and aware.

I know, it’s got to be me. I’ll get that feeling back x

Hi, Lads!

Bleary I’m very sorry for your loss. That’s a tough way to lose someone. Be kind to yourself.

I’m just buggering on! Had a week of feeling down for no one clear reason, and found myself wondering if I really ‘need’ to be completely AF. I think I probably do if I want to keep my ‘inner critical voice’ under control (it’s a nasty drunk). So, probably best not to get tempted into self-medicating the blues. It’s weird now how I hear myself saying ‘slimline tonic, please’ through (very) gritted teeth.