Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

I get the feeling it’s hard to face people. Keep posting here as much as you need to until you feel able to be in a group.

Katie you make a big step forward by posting here. Well done.

We all need help sometimes, not just those of us here, not just women, ALL of us. It's part of being human, And it's also a very natural part of being human to hate asking for help.

So go on, take the next step. It will be the right thing to do.

Am I in the wrong place? DP is upset with my drinking, as am I sometimes. I asked him tonight to remove all my alcohol from the flat once I'd gone to bed with our almost (v complex heatlhwise) 1 yr old

Good start Liland not having anything around makes it a bit easier. You just need to find some alternatives that make you feel 'treated' - luxurious hot chocolate with cream? ice cold soda water with lime? some really good coffee?

Hey lads
Invited for dinner (they call it supper) with dear, boozy friends tonight. they had G&T and wine. I had.......2 cups of tea and a glass of elderflower cordial! I am SO fecking chuffed with myself.

ma you get the smock of smug and you can wear it with pride!

Ooh, the smock of smug. It’s been many a year since I’ve been able to wear it. Hope it still fits.

Wear the smock of smug with pride, ma.

Hi, I posted the below on the alcohol support forum and was kindly directed here, so here I am. Going to read through now.

‘I’m desperately trying to reduce my alcohol intake. I have been drinking daily for approximately 2 years (evening) my longest dry spell was 4 days and then I thought a couple won’t hurt....
A couple ended with me not knowing how I got home, leaving my front door open all night, waking up on the floor and losing my phone. 2 days on I’m still not recovered, I feel shocking. I need to stop but how?! All my socialising revolves around alcohol. I feel like I’m merely exsisting to work and drink, what do I do 😔’

HiHitthewall and welcome on board the bus.

Hi hitthewall You managed 4 days, so you can manage another 4, but take it one step at a time.

First - get rid of any booze you've got in the house. Give it away, look it in the garage, pour it down the sink.
Next - get yourself stocked with whatever nice drinks you like - maybe some comforting hot chocolate with cream, marshmallows and a flake, maybe a bowl of really nice soup and a piece of crusty bread. Or go for something cool and refreshing, coke, juice, lime and soda...
Next can you find some real life support? There are lots of online forums, there are sober blogs etc but nothing beats having a real person to talk to - an understanding friend, a supportive family member, an AA meeting, professional help.
Then start to rediscover yourself. Notice how much more energy you have in the mornings now that you're not battling a hangover. Take up a new hobby or join a group. Play board games with your dc (if you have them)
And keep posting on here. Tell us your struggles and your wins.

Congratulations on the Smock of Smug Ma - you deserve it (I have been here before under another name)

Katie there was some talk upthread about how getting through thee bad bits and dealing with them is shit, but is still so much easier than the whole pile of shite that will pour on your head if you start drinking again.

I had a major wobble today - am only 23 days sober. I was on the train on the way home from a training course and all I could think about was coming home and having a drink. Actually, not just that. I wanted to get wasted.

Luckily it was a long train journey so I had time to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and analyse them. During the course today I revealed (as a normal part of the proceedings) quite a lot of personal information about myself and my past. The course leader actually commented on how unemotional I was in describing quite emotive issues.

Of course it was that which had triggered me. I don't really show emotions - I drink instead. I don't want to wallow in self pity so I just accepted my "childhood" was abysmal and it wouldn't make sense to drink about it now. I am OK now. Home, had dinner. I won't drink.

Blimey, what is it with this journey? Yesterday the smock of smug, today I would have killed for a cold beer. Didn’t help that DH was necking the stuff! I SO wanted a drink tonight for no real reason, despite coasting through dinner temptations yesterday. It’s all so unpredictable.
Am in bed with hot chocolate.

It's a journey ma which means it's got twists and turns in the route, ups and downs. And just when you think it is all shite and you can't be bothered taking another step, there is an amazing sunset, or a rainbow, or a purple heron taking flight...

2020. It’s a big thing to realise what alcohol is masking, isn’t it? Well done for not going home and drinking. It takes a lot of courage to just sit with our emotions, and not reach to self medicate.

Ma Ain’t it a thing? One day we feel we’ve nailed it, the next we wobble a bit. Relish your hot chocolate. Hope you have cream and a marshmallow?

Went on a major bender last night and have decided that abstinence is the only way forward for me right now.
We have just returned from a great family holiday, but I realise that weeks without proper 'alone time' is a major trigger for me. Last night I was so desperate for quiet time alone I even shut myself in the bathroom with my glass of wine so I could enjoy it in peace. DH had gone to bed but teenage DS and DD were up and all I wanted was to escape into my bottle of OB having holidayed in a location where decent wine was hard to obtain and expensive.
Today DS and DD gave me "the talk" and I feel very ashamed. DD even asked me (seriously) if I had some sort of health problem such as dementia, which mortified me. DS has been of drinking age for a couple of years now but he only drinks occasionally and can stop at one, and he is my biggest supporter when it comes to quitting. DD is only a year away from drinking age and I'm acutely aware that she is watching and learning about drinking behaviour from me. My overriding fear is that in 2 or 3 years when they both move out of home, they will remember me as a mother who had a drinking problem. My opportunity to show them that I can turn my drinking problem around, and for them to witness this happen and learn from it, will have been lost.
So where to from here? I'm going to try and white knuckle the cravings, with (hopefully) a lot of support from you lads. If for some reason I really can't manage, I will see my GP for anti craving medication. My intention is to abstain completely until end of February (I'll tell people I'm doing Febfast) then see what happens from there. I'd like to think I could continue complete abstinence but I just can't think that far ahead. ODAAT.
I have my eye on a lovely new bike and I'm going to keep a record of all the money I would have spent on wine, and give myself a bonus $50 for every 7 days of abstinence. By the end of February I will have enough to buy the bike and will plan to ride some lovely trails nearby (alone!)

Great plan marlu Good to have your dc as a motivation, but also important to have yourself at the core - so much better to have alone time / escaping on your bike doing something you enjoy which uplifts you than the 'easy' option of opening a bottle.

I sometimes think that dry January is a particularly unfortunate time for people to give up alcohol in the northern hemisphere - it's the dull weather, dark mornings, the depressing time of year and spring, hope and light still seem a long way off... But it will come.

Quick update from me - sticking a tentative arm into the vest of virtue - not ready for the full smock yet....
Spent a long weekend in a place I associate with lots of evening drinking - alcohol was available - and stayed strong (OK with the help of an entire Sicilian lemon tart) 😨

Came home to the dreaded pre-dinnertime wobble - nothing prepped in advance ( that'll teach me). Even cried a bit. But didn't give in this time.

Conscious that January - contrary to current impressions - has a finite number of days which have the same number of hours as usual, and now we're into the 20's

ma you and I seem to be experiencing similar twists on this route.

To all braves, just keep control of the hands and all will be well.👍👍👍

Hi everyone, sorry I’m so quiet but I’m currently sat shivering with the heating on full wearing both pjs and a dressing gown. I’ve been asleep most of the day. 😢

Oh bleary take care of yourself, keep warm, drink soup.

Love the vest of virtue! Does faire still ride the bus from the roof, clinging onto Roger, the roof rack of regulation?
turnstone well done on beating the wobble. Today I ignored free booze on the delayed train to London, and then free booze at a reception. Easy. tomorrow, I will be chewing my own arm off for a glass of wine. It’s been a long month.
However, lads, yesterday I did something outrageous! I calculate I spend the best part of £150 a month on booze. Prior to Christmas I saw a beautiful, funky piece of art work in a shop near us and loved it. It cost £225 so I pressed my nose against the window, sighed, and moved on. Yesterday, when I went to lick the window on my way past, it was in the sale for £130 quid. AND I BOUGHT IT!!!
I am quite shocked at myself and such extravagance but I’ve fucking earned it!!!!!

Sorry, it was marlu that made me think of that, in terms of money saved.

Ma enjoy that art work, you really have fucking earned it! So good to have something tangible to look at and know it represents so much hard work.

So, I accidentally had a sip of beer today - how, I hear you ask, does one accidentally have a sip of beer? Out for a meal. DH had normal beer in a bottle and I had AF. He thought his was AF too and offered me a taste. I knew as soon as I’d tasted it that it was alcoholic and I froze for a second whilst fantasies of going on a massive bender flashed before my eyes. I expect I consumed less booze than you’d get in a wine gum, but my fear of getting anywhere near the old Ted Hughes (as I like to call it) was real. I don’t trust myself to moderate because I’ve never been able to do it.

venusandmars

Thank you 😊 I don’t really want to speak to anyone in RL I couldn’t stand the judgement. I’m on day 4 again... this is where it usually all goes wrong

hitthewall day 4 is great. Well done.

You know, no-one in real life will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself (well maybe with a few exceptions). But truly, speaking out loud about this stuff is surprisingly liberating and affirming.

You could speak to a friend, or a counsellor, or to someone on an anonymous phone line, or to your partner, or to your dog. You don't have to share your problems or challenges, but share your plans / hopes / ambitions. There is something magical about saying out loud "I'm not drinking at the moment" or "I'd rather have coffee" or "I only drink on Saturdays" or I'm drinking less alcohol these days"...