Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Aww just read the wedding thread again. It was fun!

crunch yes, the voice never rests. You just have to tell it to fuck off, you’re not interested. Easier said than done, I know!

@Minttobe @ Dementedma Oh that glorious day!

Crunchymum recognise the 'voice' for what it is, an angry little child within you having a tantrum, and wheedling to get its own way. Tell it to go to bed, or feed it comforting food, or sit it down in front of some mindless tv. Say 'very well dear', pat it on the head and send it on its way.

@Minttobe @Dementedma weren't we supposed to be doing a hike up Goat Fell sometime...??? Maybe others are around to join us.

Yes! I'm still up for it after managing to do Ben Lomond in October. Summer is best for the light.

The Pap at Glencoe is also on my bucket list although that's a Marilyn rather than a Munro.
And the hidden valley.

My Big Night Out went really well Thanks so much to everyone here for all the advice and support. I felt like you were on my shoulder.

Three of us weren't drinking (2 x DJ and 1 x driving) out of 9 so it felt OK. I did have a minor wobble when I thought oh just one, I am probably being boring, but I sat on the feeling and let it pass. Reflecting back on the evening I don't think I was boring. I do think it made the drinkers feel a bit more aware of their own drinking for the first 45 mins or so but then it was business as usual.

I did go for one drink in the pub after the meal, although I noted that the other two abstainers didn't. I left them all in the pub but was happy to leave and be home by 10.30.

Feeling good.

2020newme Oh well done! Quite rightly you should feel proud of yourself. Did it help that there was a couple of others not drinking?
One thing that you will notice is the price of soft drinks! I've been charged £2.90 for a lemonade and lime in the past.

Yes, I think I might have failed if I had been the only one, being absolutely honest.

So far I have just been aghast at how cheap soft drinks are - 85p for a pint of lime and soda in one pub! Compared to £7.50 for a large glass of wine that's a considerable saving I will be making

Oh, and the waiter brought the bill to me so as I passed it to our usual bill splitter, I said "do we need one amount for the drinkers and one for the non drinkers?" and that's what was done. Still in a very rounded up/down way but I am not one of those who pores over the bill and wants to pay for exactly what I had!!! So yeah, first hurdle crossed, but there will be plenty more.......

Bleary and 2020 I never thought I'd be this grateful for having zero social life .

OK I've done 10 days sober. Lovely DH is impressed. I poured wine spritzers for him yesterday but didn't crack.

Telling myself I can do another 10, then 10 more takes me to end of the month.

Positive thoughts to all here ...

Well done new me! I hope I will be similarly pleased nest Sunday!

Boring night last night, shit Tv! Downloaded “Quit like a woman” to my kindle and found it a real bore of just statistic shouting! I don’t know, I like my quit lit to be more personal “drinking fucked me up” stories. I’ve left it on page 53 with 300:more pages to go. Does it get more interesting?

@Blearyeyes20

I have that book on my Amazon list - it's over a tenner though so I'd be glad to know if its worth it.

Any other reading people can recommend?

Just scoffed a huge bar of chocolate. Annoyed with myself. Never going to lose weight if I do stupid things like that!! Grrrrrr

I’m not reading anything at the moment. Googling images of Claes Bang as Dracula and drooling quite a lot

He is such a ‘good actor’ isn’t he. Been very impressed with his work

Mint can’t believe the wedding passed me by (much like the rest of the year). Many very belated congratulations. Such a fabulous story.

I read the wedding thread, and it made me so, so happy! Gorgeous pics and so much joy. And in a nutshell that is why this thread is the best ever and why I am so glad to see the bus busy again. Yay for us all.

Day 12 and feeling suspiciously good - which almost certainly presages a need for acute vigilance. Loving the sleep. Hope everyone is doing well,

I nicked this from Team Sober UK on Facebook

Here's a round-up of the top 5 sober killers! Warning - not for the fragile flowers. If it's too direct please just scroll on.

1. Self-pity

2. Negativity

3. Emotional Immaturity

4. Lack of commitment

5. Drama!

1 SELF-PITY If you are feeling sorry for yourself, frankly, you have no chance. Feel grateful and excited you have the opportunity to sort your life out. You've had shit in your life? Join the club. We all have. Nobody actually wants to hear about it and venting doesn't make you (or things) better. If you must revisit the past visit a therapist/counsellor. Don't say you can't afford it when you've been buying wine all week. Where are you now? Where do you want to be in a year?

2 NEGATIVITY You cannot afford to think negatively. A negative outlook may well be at the root of your addiction to booze. Reframe every single thought...eg "life will never be fun sober" becomes, "I'm so excited for all the healthy productive ways I can enjoy life now I'm no longer a slave to alcohol and a culture which worships at its feet".

3 EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY You are not 5. Take ownership of the years of voluntarily destroying your mind, body and soul in the name of a good time. 'Treats' are for dogs and small children. Nobody else poured it down our throats.

4 LACK OF COMMITMENT You've got to be in this 100%. If you're downing a bottle of wine a night it's very doubtful you'll ever be a 'moderator'. You will know this in your heart. If you commit to never drinking again it actually makes it easier than 'maybe one day'. Maybe works for masochists.

5 DRAMA The last thing you want in your life. Don't create it. Speak less and only say what counts. If it means you become the introvert (the 'quiet one') so be it. Minimise and simplify EVERYTHING. Ditch/delete toxic people and frenemies. Stay away from drama queens and kings - they are the plague. They are sober killers. Spend time with the solid, grounded people in your life.

Bleary are we talking about the same book? Holly Whitaker? I have only read intro and first chapter but can't see any stats and it's full of stories about how she fucked up her life with alcohol.

Love your post above by the way

@2020newme

Definitely the same book, I agree it did start off interesting but honestly started to lose interest in it when I got to all the stats stuff, annoyed I spent £8.68 on it grrrr.

A book that made lots of sense to me is ‘In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts’ by Gabor Matte (will check spelling!). He’s a doctor specialising in addiction and writes very compellingly about the links between trauma, brain chemistry and addiction.

Ugh I didn’t want a drink this morning but the voice was on at me. Giving me all the occasions I “should” be drinking on.

I have the anniversary of a significant bereavement coming up very soon so there’s January’s excuse.

Oh I also like to drink to celebrate the end of January!

Then of course we have Valentines Day.

March, 2 close relatives who have passed away birthdays.

Easter!

My birthday, So’s birthday and then it’s summer and what saddo doesn’t go out drinking wine in the sunshine? ... Etc etc etc all the way up to Christmas and New Year.

Now if I could just drink on special occasions that would be great but I really doubt I can. I know I drank and stopped last week but it won’t always be the case as I’ve been here many times. (Not this thread lol)

Hi and good morning Braves.

Yesterday evening I had a craving . OK it ' ll last 7 minutes , so I distracted myself as one would a toddler - sure enough it went away. Two minutes later - another , separate craving. WTF??? All I wanted was to dive into a vat of red wine. Felt sorry for myself etc etc. And so on and so on.

Didn't give in, though, now only 3 nights from halfway.
Lovely DH still impressed with my resolve.

Sending encouragement to other Braves.

@Blearyeyes20

I think along those lines.... there is always an excuse / reason for me to drink.

I have two of my children's birthday's this month and in the style of a true drinker, I always "toast" them (and myself as I did all the bloody hard work) on their birthdays. If I could stop at just a toast there wouldn't be an issue though!!

I was thinking about my last period of sobriety (41 days back in September / October and it's when I first posted on this lovely thread!) and I was thinking about what led me to drink again? I was doing well.... (Alright I was doing OK) and I was feeling better. My anxiety was curtailed, my sleep was better, I lost weight BUT I never felt happy or positive?

I was keeping a daily journal and when I look back at it, it was so fucking negative. And the daily journal was a daily reminder as to what I was "missing"..... so this time round, other than posting here, I am not documenting things at all.

I have a shiny new notebook if I do decide I want to write / document anything but I don't want a daily reminder of how shit I feel (despite me making a good choice for my body, mind and soul). I just need to do it!!!

In other news I am proud that I did two children's parties this weekend with no hangover. I managed not to give in to my Saturday craving, I've lost 5lb since 1st January!

I am feeling a bit more balanced and bit calmer.

My plan isn't just for a dry January, it's for something more long term... what exactly I don't know? I can't yet accept and embrace a lifetime of sobriety but I want to really make an effort to enjoy my life alcohol free, and then maybe the leap to being teetotal will be easier?

• I am just making excuses aren't i???

bleary I do think it is easy to become a bit overwhelmed with thoughts of drinking / not drinking, beating ourselves up about time wasted or mistakes made or good events spoiled.

Particularly at this time of year I can find my self dropping into a very gloomy space. I am taking the time to notice little uplifting things - a patch of blue in an otherwise grey sky; the first tiny signs of green daffodil shoots in a neighbour's garden (just a promise that sometime spring will arrive); a big dog (not mine!) laying in a deep puddle to have a drink; a bright eyed squirrel sitting on my dh's nuts...

But I'm also taking all of that lightly and easily - so no gratitude diary with the pressure to find 3 good things - just noticing when I notice, looking up occasionally.

We had friends visiting over the weekend and there's 3/4 of a bottle of wine in the fridge. Oh the temptation to pour 'a glass' with my lunch, or to promise myself some this evening. Instead I have done the unthinkable and poured it down the sink.

Actually the smell of it was rank, but I know I would have gotten past that if it had been in a glass. I'm off for a wild and blowy walk now with a list of chores to be ticked off - letter to be posted, re-heeled boots to be collected, bank to be visited, some clothes to be dropped off at the charity shop. Nothing exciting at all but getting those things completed will give me a much better feeling than sitting on my arse looking at the bottom of a wine glass.

Thanks both!

@turnstone well done on the beating the cravings last night! That’s brilliant.

Greetings, @Blearyeyes20 yeah in the end I just toughed it out.

Just occurred to me that doing so took less time and was (slightly) easier than toughing out a bad hangover LOL.

Still, entering the kitchen to cook evening dinner remains a powerful trigger - 3× as bad at weekends - and one that's difficult to avoid or change. We have to eat ! and for various reasons we're unlikely to switch our main meal to lunchtime. Also takeaways are off the menu for the time being.

Though lovely DH is now cooking dinner once a week.

Apart from making delicious early evening soft drinks/teas, as I do, have other Braves any bright ideas ???