Unexpectedly pregnant and on/off boyfriend is not taking it well! HELP!

[LilySouthWest]

I just turned 40 and I have known my boyfriend (36) for over 2 years. We were long distance for a while so we broke up but still remained in contact. I moved for work last October which meant I would be 30 mins away so we started hanging out some more and eventually started dating earlier this year. Given my age I had some fertility investigations done earlier this year and the results were not great as they put me as conceiving naturally to be a challenge. I was thinking about potentially freezing some eggs in the summer to keep my options open. He was aware of this and not comfortable with it and even told me in March 2019 he didn't see a future with me. I pulled back so he kept chasing again and we got back on track. I wasn't tracking my days and I had come off the pill a long time ago but given what they told me I didn't think I needed to worry about contraception and he never brought it up as we hadn't actually been fully intimate yet.

In mid May we had a night away in a cute B&B and we had sex with no protection. This was after 1.5 years of no intercourse between us. It wasn't until a week later that I realised the day we had sex was my ovulation day. I waited for my period to come and it didn't. I am now 7 weeks 2d pregnant.

I couldn't tell him immediately as he was in the middle of writing a dissertation so once that was done and we were on holiday, I told him I was suspicious and that we should do a test.

At first he took it well but surprised and acted a bit distant the days after. He's been really up and down about it. It's making me feel like complete and utter crap. He also said he felt like I had hijacked him. I told him he doesn't need to be involved if he doesn't want to. He said that's not an option. I do feel really hurt by the reaction and some of the things he has said.

I could use some support and ideas as how anyone else in a similar situation has dealt with this?

To all the horrible commenters here, it takes 2 to make a baby. Both people are responsible, if the boyfriend didn't want to get her pregnant, he should have used a condom. Come on, we've all heard stories of couples who tried getting pregnant for years, gave up and then later on had a "miracle baby". It happens. He should know this as a doctor.

Wish you the best OP hope it works out for you

Some shocking and bitchy responses here. I hope none of you are ever in a position where your body surprises you. While this is a joyful surprise for the OP in many ways none of us - NONE of us - can predict and plan what can happen with any certainty.

Those of you who have come on to attack her are the ones who should be ashamed. Nice to see women supporting each other 🙄

I'm not going to judge you OP that's the last thing you need right now but I think you are going to have to accept he may not get over his anger and feelings of being tricked into this. His reaction of saying he was hijacked means regardless of the biological ins and outs (pardon the pun!) of his part in making the baby, in his mind he may feel that the trust between you has been irreparably damaged. He may be hostile towards you as time progresses. I hope not but he may just cut you off completely. You need to be mentally prepared for this and the impact this may have on your child in the long run. I think planning on a future completely alone with yout baby would be the wisest option rather than hoping he will come round.

Do you havr family support?

Congratulations OP, how lovely that you are having a much longed for baby.

I was in a similar position at 42. My baby is now 10 and we have been going it alone since she was 3.

I was also in a long distance relationship, which I was about to call time on as I didn't see the point of continuing as neither of us wanted to move.

When I got pregnant my EXP was stunned. He didn't move in with me until 2 weeks before the baby was born. To be honest, I think we were both just trying to do the right thing and we were both miserable.

If I had my time again I'd have just gone it alone from the get go.

My advice to you is to go it alone and see what happens. Ok, it's maybe not how you'd like it to be, but you'll be fine!

If he wants to be with you, he will. Enjoy your baby.

*You knew he didn't want to do this with you so technically this is entrapment for the poor guy.

you should be ashamed of yourself. Imagine if someone trapped you. And how you would feel*

Oh do fuck off! What utter bollocks, he’s a medical doctor who had seen her test results and knew that A. She wasn’t on the pill and B. She wanted kids one day. Armed with all that’s information he made a CHOICE to have unprotected sex, and you conclude that the poor, thick, poppet was tricked?! You must think men are incredibly stupid.

@WombOfOnesOwn there was no drive on my part to have a baby right now so I must make that very clear. When I investigated my fertility was purely because I was diagnosed with a large ovarian cyst and screened for ovarian cancer.

I'm financially secure so I don't need him to support me.

He booked it as his place was being renovated and he wanted to get away from it for a weekend. As I said before I didn't know I was ovulating at the time.

You're a mighty independent woman, WombOfOnesOwn. Your boyfriend will not think you have tricked him after you've had the baby and he sees how well you're coping independently. He has a damn cheek in my opinion but I suppose he can't help how he feels and things may well change when he has a child.

In the meantime I hope you are feeling well and looking after yourself.

@Bungalowblues yes I am very lucky that I have lots of great support!

I don't think you need advice as sounds like you are having a baby next year. I just think you need to know he may or may not be supportive but as long as you are happy and willing to have this baby nothing else matters.
Meant to be I guess.