Positive stories of moving on from ex and meeting someone lovely please!

[thegirlracer]

Hi all,

A couple of months ago found out he had been cheating on my basically the entire duration we were together (on night stands, not an affair)

I had absolutely no idea at all, totally oblivious and it hit me really hard.

One 18 month old DS together, jointly owned mortgage.

I asked him to leave and for now he’s staying with a friend until we can figure out what to do with the house.

I’m financially independent and he’s done absolutely nothing for DS so I’m not worried about money or being a single parent as I’ve done it from day one anyway.

The problem is, part of me does still love him and I’m scared that I’ll never have a relationship again and love anyone the way that I loved him.

He wants me back, I’ve said no (and mean it!)

Please can I hear anyone’s stories about how when you split up with someone who has treated your like crap and then gone on to meet someone amazing?

Don’t get me wrong, dating is the last thing on my mind and I’m not doing any of it anytime soon, give me and DS a couple of years to get a routine just us, but I know that I don’t want to be lonely for the rest of my life too.

My ex not only cheated but made me feel like crap about myself as well with constant digs and comments.

Just after some really positive stories please!

Sounds similar to the situation I was in! A few months after splitting up I met a man who treats me a million times better than my ex. Made me realise that I didn't really love my ex, and that I love my new partner totally.

Thanks for your post. That’s the exact kind of story I was looking for

I know that everyone’s experiences will be different but he’s getting into my head by asking us to get back together etc.

And I miss him so much so it’s really been hard

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Of course you miss him; your world has been turned upside down and it takes a while for the truth to sink in. His betrayal of you and your DS is appalling.

I split from my ex almost 2 years ago and while I was absolute in my decision and knew there was no going back (he had lied, gaslighted me and accused me of cheating; I found women's underwear in our house) deep down I believed that I would always love him and would never get over him. I felt that he had been my "one shot" at real love. I pictured dating in the future but anything serious with another man, settling down with someone else, was unthinkable. It made me so, so sad and lonely.

I was totally wrong! I missed ex less and less every day until I reached a point of hearing about his chaotic life from mutual friends and feeling actually grateful I was free. After about a year I realised I was truly happy and peaceful without my ex.

Then to my absolute surprise I fell head over heels in love with a wonderful man. He's decent and kind and honest. There are very good men out there. Don't buy into the scarcity myth! Even if things don't work out with new DP (and it is early days really) he's restored my hope. I'm sure there is a lot of love and happiness in your future OP.

Thanks for starting this thread, I really need some positive stories. I was badly let down by my ex and would love to think I might meet a decent guy in the future, but at 45, I don’t think it’s likely. So, anyone who did meet someone great later in life please share your story.

Different circumstances to yours as I left my emotionally abusive ex. I was petrified of getting close to anyone as the trauma of deciding to leave and then the fall out afterwards put me off men for life.

A few months after I left with a sky high sex drive (I had a poor sex drive with ex, suprise suprise) my lovely friend set me up with a mutual friend of hers (I knew him but vaguely, always felt some chemistry between us on the times I had met him but was in a relationship and actually stayed out of his way). She literally said "what you need is Mr XXX in your life). Total free spirit, never settled down, she had had a very biref thing with him 20 years ago an vouched for him the the bedroom department.

I thougth f**k it why not. Wasn't going to turin into anything, he has no kids, I have two. He has a very free lifestyle int he career he has etc. We saw each other regularly as FWB, then decided as it seemed both of us were getting feelings to stop seeing each other. I was upset for a day, then got myself on tinder and had 6 months of a lot of fun meeting new people etc.

Then he contacted me again, and because the sex was always amazing, we started seeing each other again. All this time I kept my personal life away from his, and vice versa. We just really knew each other in a physical sense. Then in Sept, he changed, he started gently and silently pushing forward and we are now in a full blown committed relatioship.

He is the most patient person I know, when we were in the FWB set up, I thought he was holding back. It was me all along really. I didnt want anything that could cause me pain. He is kind, calm, gentle but very manly (his forearms are like trees), talented, smart, affecionate and the sex remains amazing (if not better). We have a long way to go, I have only told him I love him in a round about way and vice versa, but he gets on great with my kids (he is a masive kid himself, but he is just present, not trying to parent them in anyway).

He has helped me heal, and I think I have given him more than he could ever imagie in a relationship. We both live our own lives but he champions my goals and I do his. I am not 100% sure if I could live with him full time as he can be terribly disorganised and messy and I can be a neat freak, but we are getting there. He stays when the kids arent here.

My point is, even when it was staring me in the face I couldn't see it would work out to be a relationship, I always said was just for fun, but its turned into a lovely thing, with no drama, no arguements and just mutual respect for each other. He is amazing, I am very lucky, he tells me he feels the same. :) I have no expectations of it lasting forever, each day is a bonus and if things start to go wrong then so be it.

AllFake thank you for your reply.

Like I said, I’m not in a rush and would like to be single again for a couple of years at least. But I’m so scared for the future and being lonely.

I know that I won’t actually be missing anything. Ex is a serial cheat and liar, has misogynistic views and did absolutely nothing in terms of childcare and housework even though we work the same hours (he earns more...that was his excuse!)

But whether it was wrong or right (and particularly in the first year or two when things were great) I was so intensely in love with him. And so extremely excited when we moved in together, about our life together and our baby and the future.

I’m just scared I’ll never feel that way about anyone ever again. I just can’t describe the feelings I had for him. It was so deep and real for me.

I know that as I’ve mentioned, all I’ve lost is a lying cheating scum bag, but that doesn’t stop the way I used to feel about him (and how I now still feel) whenever I see him my stomach still flips. I still fancy him etc etc.

He’s made things the last couple of weeks difficult for me in terms of being rude to me in front of our son (because it’s now sinking in I’m not going back)

But yeah, I just can’t imagine having to live my entire life without feeling that again with someone

Op I’ve been where you are and it’s scary. I didn’t think I’d have the capacity to love anyone again after my ex but time does help. If you’ve been in an abusive relationship which is sounds like you have it’s infinitely harder to let go and heal but it’s possible.

I rebounded after my ex with a friend, it was far too quick and I regret the pace I took initially. It’s been a rocky ride and I’m still not 100% convinced he’s the one forever but he’s stopped me going back to my ex.

I also think it’s ago it an ex was ‘the love of your life’ and it doesn’t work out because there are other people out there worthy of love. It’s all just a bit of a label anyway.

You will find someone incredible I’m sure

Oh Leftie what’s happened with your rebound?

How come you’re not sure he’s the one?

I am unsure as to whether he was abusive. All I know that he has left me every confused and I have extremely low self esteem now. He has made references in the past about the attractiveness of other women which has left me feeling awful and like there is something wrong with me.

Whether that is abuse I’m not sure. All I know is it feels like I’m coming off drugs or something and my brain is telling me I’ll never love again.

Also I might add, since word seems to get around that you’re single. I’ve had plenty of offers! Through people irl, male friends, work colleagues (not OLD) and I thought this would make me feel better (it did a little) but I just and so numb to everything I can’t take their advances seriously. Even the really good looking ones!

Split with my ex in 2016, he dumped me as I wanted kids and he changed his mind and said he didn’t know anymore. Was very much for the best but I was devastated initially. He ended it like a coward. Pretended he didn’t know where our passports were and that he needed it for work so I’d tell him and then took all of his documents, found another flat without telling me and started slowly moving his things out under my nose, I’d go notice an empty drawer and ask about it and he’d make a joke about how he was using it to hide from an apocalypse. Maybe I’m an idiot but I didn’t question and just assumed he’d been decluttering. Every week he went to band practise he’d ask his friend to take his gear back home with him so his instruments were all slowly moving out. Finally one night he just didn’t come home and when I messaged on Facebook to ask what time he was due back said he was staying at a friend’s house and he didn’t think we were going to work out. Didn’t come back until late the next day, was wishy washy and kept saying maybe we can fix it and went to stay with his mum but promised to ring me each day. Didn’t hear a word from him for four days until eventually I sent a message saying clearly this is over, I’ll be in touch about bills, and blocked the dickhead. He didn’t have the guts to actually tell me it was over. I felt like a total fool as all of his friends knew way before I did but he kept coming home acting normal while setting up a new life and then finally tried to kinda just silence his way out of a three year relationship. I lost a tonne of respect overnight for what a coward he was and it killed the love almost instantly. I’m not scary or abusive and I would never try cling onto someone who didn’t want to be with me so the only excuse he had for ‘ending’ it like that was pure cowardice. It made me shudder to think I’d let a little boy like that touch me.

I quickly got my shit together, found a room in a brilliant brand new houseshare with seven cool people, moved to the next city over cos it was more fun and exciting with more to do, and downloaded tinder to get used to being single again and meet people for nights out to explore my new city. 18 days after my ex and I split up I went for coffee with a guy, younger than me, incredibly gorgeous and tall, crazy smart, a doctor, so generous. We clicked. On the second date I explained my ex and I had split over wanting different things and told him I was planning on starting a family in the next two or three years and if that aligned with his goals, ace. If not that’s cool but let’s not date as I’m looking for something serious and to have a family. I was surprised a 24 year old brand new qualified doctor would be up for kids so young but he was. We dated for a year, moved into a rental, saved up for two years for a property while working towards a TTC date of 2019. Started trying March 2019, fell pregnant within two weeks (despite me having only one Fallopian tube and endo), completed on our first and dream house a month later (three stories, three bedrooms, lovely area, brand new) and we’ll be moving in a week after our three year anniversary, baby is due Christmas when we’ll have been together six months.

He’s amazing, so supportive, when I had depression he supported me, he’s such a hard worker and great with money and has saved so much for our future which has given us options, he’s happily paying 80% of the costs of getting our new house ready (flooring, walls, furniture etc) as I emptied myself out with my half of the deposit. He wants kids so much and can’t wait for our baby, he talks to the baby every day and writes in our pregnancy journal how excited he is to meet the baby and how lucky he and the baby are to have me as their partner and mother. He’s the smartest person I know and so drop dead gorgeous he’s fighting off attention at work everyday from the many nurses and healthcare assistants who swoon after him haha. He’s modest so I only know tiny bits of that :P

I wanted a baby so badly when I was with my ex but it’d have been a disaster with him, not only cos he changed his mind on wanting kids after three years together, but he was also in debt and unambitious and had his head in the clouds and our sex life was appalling from the start. I go cold when I imagine if I’d have ended up with a family with him. I honestly can’t believe how lucky I got to find my partner so soon after being single and for everything to have fallen into place like a fairytale. I’ve never been happier.

Onwards and upwards! There are sooooo many fish in the sea, you can find one far better. And even being single is so much better than being with a dickhead.

Sorry I meant we’ll have been together three years and six months when baby arrives :)

Chilli what a nice story! And congratulations on you pregnancy!

Sounds like you well and truly dodged a bullet with your ex! What a horrible thing to do...to move out under your nose! bastard

I'm totally in the same boat. Split with my boyfriend of 2 years last week. He cheated on me with a one night stand about 6 months ago and I tried to forgive and forget but I just found it too hard and he started to treat me badly. He would cause petty arguments and then storm out and not come home for 1 or two nights and not see that as being a problem. Slowly he stopped having time for me and showing me consideration. He has two kids which lived with us alternate weekends. I really miss them and him although I know he isn't any good for me. I just feel so bloody sad that this couldn't have worked out.

I find it so hard to believe I'll find someone else who I will love like I love him. Im so scared I'll never get it right. I'm 39 years old and just can't believe I haven't got this all figured out yet. Back to square one.

Good to hear stories of those who have successfully found love again. Its just a scary thought being out there again when you thought you had a future with someone.

Yep, me! Split from ex early Nov. Marriage was slowly dying due to many issues but then the plug was well and truly pulled when I discovered he'd been lying to me throughout our entire relationship.
Started seeing someone else I'd known for a while early January. Was not looking to start dating so soon but it just happened and life is short. He is amazing and I love him way more than I ever loved my exh. I've learnt a lot from my marriage which has helped because I went into this relationship a much stronger person and have never compromised the way I did with exh.
Good luck - there's hope :)

I’m just scared I’ll never feel that way about anyone ever again. I just can’t describe the feelings I had for him. It was so deep and real for me

You will! I thought my ex was the only one for me, but now I realise all the abuse I suffered over the years. You feel 'tied' to them, but that soon goes. He kept begging for me to let him come back- even though he was seeing someone else (who he's married to now).

Ex left for ow a few years back. Sees our 2 dcs eow so dating not easy. About 2 years on I met a guy on Match, about the 6th I'd dated (I found it a largely positive experience). He's great, we are a couple but each maintain our separate spaces, households, finances etc. I'm not interested in blending families or step parents. He's my escape from all that day to day stuff. We date, we have weekends away, he treats me to stuff and vice versa. He's v practically capable so helpful when I need it though I have learnt to do a lot of DIY myself. I think it's harder if you're looking to recreate a family. My ex helped me get over him by being such an utter arse over time.. You'd think it was me who had cheated and left him as a single parent. I feel zero anything for him now, not even good memories. It's like the man I married died, I have no idea who he is now so there's nothing to get over.

So many positive stories! I love it!

I don’t think I would be looking to recreate a family, that’s a good point. I’m not a fan of being part of a blended family. But I miss the companionship and closeness of a relationship. And of course the physical side! And I would hate to think I’ll never have that again but that’s how I feel right now

Wow Chilli what a great story. Do you know whatever happened to your cowardly ex? How awful to do that to somebody. I hope karma bit him on the arse

Thanks guys! Yeah he was a knob, I’m glad he left the way he did though. If he’d ended things honourably maybe I’d have still respected him and it might have been harder to move on, ya know? Believing i’d lost someone worth having. I’m really thankful it ended how it did as the whole situation was just so ridiculous he kinda became a figure of fun in my mind and within a day I had realised I didn’t want him at all. Not in a ‘you can’t dump me I dump you!’ way. More of a, wow, he’s not who I thought, I dodged a bullet. I felt a lot of relief immediately.

He was always a bit of a wanderer and wanted to emigrate, go around the world and play music and see everything, not be tied down with a child. When we split he met a girl really quickly too who was long distance for the duration of their relationship (they split a few of months ago, coincidentally around when I got pregnant), they split when he dumped her so he could emigrate to Korea to teach English. I felt for her as it seems he maybe did similar to her, led her on for a few years and then did a flit. I think their relationship suited him well being long distance and meeting for weekends and holidays as he got to travel more with her without any of the commitment of living together.

I’m really happy for him that he’s living his dream now living abroad and exploring, like I’m living mine with my career and house and baby and relationship. What he wants doesn’t appeal to me and vice versa. I only know what he’s up to vaguely through mutual friends, I don’t hold any ill will at all, we had a nice few years for what it was and I don’t have any anger towards him, more find it funny now. We did bump into each other a month or two after we split up, in a train station, and grabbed a coffee for fifteen min and caught up on life. My OH had dropped me off outside and gone and I walked in and saw my ex. We greeted each other really warmly, I made the first move and was pleased to know I didn’t feel anything beyond ‘oh it’s that guy’ lol. While having coffee he started crying and said how hard it had all been and how much he missed me. I think he took the whole break up much harder than I did even though he instigated it (if he hadn’t have, I would have a few weeks later. I couldn’t keep trying to convince myself I could sacrifice babies to be with him).

Chilli I’m SO glad you didn’t sacrifice having babies for him!

Each to their own but I really can’t relate to his lifestyle either. I mean fair enough travel around etc but what happens once that’s done and you’re old and your money’s run out and you have no real home or family to go back to

You’ve deffo done the right thing that’s for sure! Hope you’re having a nice pregnancy that’s at least the one and only thing I can thank my ex for! He mad me a Mummy. Although that’s the only thing. So, more like a sperm donor

Not quite RTFT.
OP, you won't meet someone you feel the same about, you will meet someone you will love you and you will love them, they might not quite make your stomach flip, but he'll make you feel as if you're embraced in a safe pair of arms.
Keep on good terms with your child's father and rebuild your life. Mr Rightforyou will come along when you least expect it.

I’m so glad too! It was absolute torture, watching my friends get pregnant and have gorgeous babies and wanting to build a family with him more than anything in the world while slowly realising it was his worst nightmare (when we first met he said he did want them around the same age I did... turns out he either lied or didn’t think it’d come round as fast as it did). I don’t think any man is worth sacrificing having children if it’s something you know you want. When it was hard I reminded myself I needed to give myself at least a chance to find someone to have kids or do it alone. And at 28 with endometriosis I knew I didn’t have endless time to wait as if there were problems I’d need time to sort them. As it turns out when I went for surgery pre TTC this February just gone they found one tube was irreparable, the other is okay but it’s a progressive disease and if I’d waited another few years who knows if I’d have been able to get pregnant natural at all.

I like visiting places, a lot. I go for trips around the UK a lot and would like to go on more holidays (though we don’t as we’re using our money for house deposit and house and baby haha). But I’ve never understood the appeal of travelling as a proper thing. Wherever you go, there you are. And I’m someone who gets an insane amount of pleasure and enjoyment from my normal day to day life. Things like music make me euphoric, I adore my career, I cherish and make such effort with my friends, I don’t think being in a different continent would make me any happier than I already am with the things that matter to me here. I kinda always got the sense the urge to travel for him was more because he was bored with his life here and thought that was the answer. But even when you emigrate you have to put the graft in to make your life worth living and squeeze joy out of everything you can.

I’m loving being pregnant! It’s scary not knowing whether it’ll work out or not, but I’m so glad we’ve made it this far so far, we can conceive, we’d always keep trying if anything happened, we are so happy and stable, it’s all good. And even if I’d never had kids, I’m so much happier with OH than I’ve been with anyone else in my life. It kinda stunned me such an amazing man is out there but there are plenty, you can’t get hung up on one-itis thinking that one man is the world!

Oh lovely, you sound a great, strong woman and role-model for your child. Hold your head up high, your ex is contemptible.
I was with my exH for fifteen years. Then single parent for five. Now I’m happily married and have my adult children and been blessed with my younger ones too (DH had no children and thought he never would have, or a wife). My marriage is passionate yet cosy, I feel respected and cherished and hope my DH does too as he’s great. It is so very different to being married to ex who had no respect for me.
You can find someone honest. They are out there.

Thanks Teaspoon. What a lovely story!

I was engaged to a guy, who at the start I loved.

But he had different personalities ... he could be the sweetest most thoughtful guy but as time wore on he
Became controlling ( at the time I saw it as caring ) I lost touch with all my fitness and violence was becoming a part of our relationship.he told me all the time I would never find someone who loved me like him and I believed him

But I also realised this was not right... I left the relationship with help of a new friend and later found out he slept around from day one.

I had no interest in meeting anyone else, I must admit I felt wonderful once I broke away ( and he never followed up on his promise to burn my car and kill my dog and I realised he was all mouth ) I loved freedom to
Do as I pleased and re connected and apologised to old friends

I did meet someone 3 months later ... we took things slow he and gotten out
Of a long term relationship around 6 months prior.

We literally met once a week for a meal and talked ... not even kissing ... this guy was old fashioned in his approach ( refreshing my ex was full on ) eventually we would
Cook for each other at his place and cuddle and watch tv or play with his cat but remained innocent ... he listened to
Me and me to him ... he even once asked if we were in A relationship and I said no.

I went away to see my brother and didn’t contact him for a whole week ... on my flight back I realised that I could trust this guy and I really liked him... I called him out of the blue and arranged out next meet up ... the rest is history ... 12 years and s beautiful baby boy later and he is still a wonderful
Guy... he taught me not to be sorry all the time he doesn’t like to go out massively and really doesn’t drink but he knows I do
Occasionally like to
Socialise and it is always encouraged ... I am me warts an all and I am so so so glad I met the other guy because if I hadn’t been in such an awful
Relationship I would have continued to
Go for the same out going beer drinking gym guys ... instead of the quieter but actually More Confident guy who has nothing to prove x