Post affair help and advice please

[TheyCalledherPatience]

I am looking for some experiences if possible. I am 6 months post discovery of my husband's affair (with added time before where I had suspicions). We have two young children, they were very young when he did this and it lasted around 7/8 months.
I am giving my marriage some time to see if we can work through this. I know that is not for everyone but for myself I feel I need to try. My husband is saying and doing all the right things and I am as confident as I can be that he hasn't seen her since the affair ended.
I have no idea if we can make this work and realise it may not. However I am hoping to hear from people who have moved past an affair to get some idea of whether it is ever possible. I am going round in circles in my head about what to do for the best and what I want and I can't find the answer.
I do believe that I could manage on my own, I am able to end this if I need to and I understand that staying for the children is not best for the children in the long run. But I do want my marriage saved if I possibly can because I feel like our family life is so much better together.
Any personal experiences would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

@londongirl101 I fear you are
RIGHT! It's never the same no matter how much you try to block it out. 😐

Big hugs. In my experience, it's irreparable

You have the upper hand as in you get to keep the cheater ?

Sorry I missed molarity's post on the same point.

I’m so sorry for your predicament OP. I have two perspectives. One is my mother: she forgave (but never forgot) my fathers infidelity and in the end they did move on, tho it was always in the background.

Two is me: I ended it when I suspected infidelity, found out it was true later, filed for divorce immediately and have not looked back. I miss the life I thought we’d have. However, I know that I did the right thing for so many reasons. Main reason is that I firmly believe once a cheat always a cheat and also I can hold my head high and set a great example to my kids of what a relationship should be and if it’s not, what needs to be done.

@TheyCalledherPatience I get it. I left an abusive man and I went back {sigh} so I know that it's better (more peaceful, easier to look towards the future) when you know without doubt that you've made the right decision. As I did when I left the second time!

Good luck figuring it out. Hope I didn't sound too judgy. x

I took my husband back after an affair. It was hard at first but like others have said we now get on better than before. im still abit wary of things sometimes but its less and less as time goes on. Only time will tell if all will be ok but so far i think its possible. I know of a few people who have gotten through it and come out the other side.

I know of a few people who have gotten through it and come out the other side.

To the outside world it would look like that. My friends would say the same about me if asked, they don't know what I really go through. I'd never let anyone think things were less than perfect in real life.

@TooManyPuppies I agree. I know a few couples who it has happened to. From the outside they look happy and over it. But hearing from them about it, they still really struggle.

One man has his wife tracked to every inch of her life and she has to put up with that as she cheated

One couple still don't sleep together, she can't bring herself to touch him. Has anxiety attacks when he goes out. No trust at all. But from the outside they look so strong.

Agree with the other posters. People would think me and dh are happy. Every time I see him even pop up as online on Facebook my mind jumps to him messaging other women, let home from work he must be shagging someone else. The slightest of changes in his behaviour and I presume his cheating. Things have been broken and smashed, words I can’t take back have been said. Everyone else thinks we are one of those funny close couples who do everything together. Because I can’t trust him to go buy milk from the shops.

• @TheyCalledherPatience* So many many of us in same or similar situation. And so many different solutions. Yes , the majority say to LTB as they say to you now. I know if I was younger , I would.

But like you , I decided to try and stay. Not for him , but for me. My DCs are adults but I wanted to be able to tell them and everyone else that I did attempt to see if I could forgive and move on.
Still here , wish I wasn't . Options limited to me because of age and money.

So give yourself time. See if you can get over this. You can attempt to work on your marriage together. And then leave, if you feel it won't make you happier.