He wants a break

[Justneedtotalk2019]

Been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, we don't live together and live about an hour away from each other.

Things have been difficult lately and we haven't seen as much of each other as usual for various reasons.

He's now saying he wants a break and originally asked for 2 weeks no contact, I told him I couldn't do this so we're are doing a week but I'm struggling so bad, this is a person I've spoken to every day for 3 years. I'm scared he's not going to miss me and that it's over.

He kept saying he loves me when we spoke and that he's never met anyone that he gets on with as well as he does me and that he's worried about the living situation as we can't really afford for me to move there.

Is it hopeless, do I need to just pull myself together and accept that it's probably over? So far I've managed to not message him but I'm not eating or sleeping and I feel like part of me is missing, I realise this sounds so ridiculous but I love him so much.

Not “ridiculous”at all OP. 3 years is quite a long time.

I do think that he’s trying to let you down gently though. Sorry. I wish he’d been braver so that you could have been spared the uncertainty.

I've never understood what a "break" even means.
Are you still a 'couple' this week?
Would it be cheating if you slept with someone else?
What happens after the 'break'? Do you just go back to normal, like nothing ever happened?

Does he basically just want a week without talking to you because he can't be arsed?

He has someone else lined up. If she doesn't work out he will be ringing you. Gather up your self respect and dump him.

My ex who I was with for 14 years cheated so I'm massively insecure and have really bad anxiety so my head is convincing me he's with someone else.

I know I shouldn't be checking but he hasn't been online on WhatsApp since Saturday 7am and that is really odd as he's always talking to his friends on there, I've stupidly tried to ring his work phone and it just goes to voicemail, this is a guy who is almost married to the damn job so I'm left wondering what he's up to.

If he doesn't want to be with me then why put me through this. It's horrible and I wish he'd just have the guts to end it then string me along.

I'm trying hard to be strong and not message him but it's so bloody hard.

I've never understood what a "break" even means

Me neither. OP I always felt that "a break" is a soft way to end a relationship. It's when they want out but want to "check" first.

So sorry but prepare yourself.

Sorry just seen the other messages, he says he wants a break to sort his head out but he loves me. He did say he didn't think he would be able to do two weeks as he would end up missing me too much. I don't get the whole break thing either tbh.

I asked if that meant we could do whatever we wanted and he was adamant that it was not involve other people.

See I'd think he would have someone else lined up but he seriously has barely any free time and he normally phones me every night so not sure how he would find time, maybe I'm being nieve about that though, maybe I just want to believe that I'm worth more than being cheated on again.

It’s over. You are going to hurt, cry, eat ice-cream, start taking more exercise, feel better, move on. Have a hug to keep by you for emergencies.

Could he have changed his number or blocked you?

He hasn't blocked me as you can still see his last seen and profile picture on WhatsApp. I'm guessing his work phone is off or maybe he's in meetings, I know he's been under a lot of pressure at work lately.

I think I'm giving myself too much false hope but he's the first person I trusted since my ex, he knew what I went through, my ex was controlling and emotionally abusive towards me and threatened to hit me on more then once occassion so I'm absolutely heartbroken that I've put my full trust into someone that can hurt me so easily.

I know it's going to bloody hard the next few months but I also know I can get through this, I've done it before, just a shame when my kids idolise him, especially my son who is autistic.

He's found someone he likes more

Keep your dignity and leave before the fall out.

Its easy just talk to other guys and eventually it goes away, quicker you get talking quicker you get over it :D

I've never understood what a "break" even means.

It means the end

It does doesn't it, I need to get that into my head.

I'm going to take some time to concentrate on myself, booked in for a hair cut tomorrow, haven't had one since last year!!

I just feel so bloody sad and keep thinking why do I deserve all this shit.

If he wanted to sort his head out, why not just say he won't see you this week and has a lot on, so he won't be calling you as much.

By requesting a break, it seems like you're the problem and he needs to take a break from you to see how he feels.

He has probably hidden his last seen status on WhatsApp. That way you won't know when he was last online.

My ex did this and it was over. Be prepared OP.

Breaks are so cowardly. Why would he need a break when he hasn't even seen you that much?

Does he work in an office where you could call someone else to put you through?

I honestly feel like I'm going mad. I keep annalsying our last phone call when he told me he wanted a break, he kept telling me he loved me, why is he messing with me head like this.

Yeah he does work in an office but he goes out for meetings a lot, I could call but I don't actually know what I would do or say, I'm starting to think maybe he's not even in work and that's why his phone keeps going to voicemail, his other phone just rang.

I know I'm being crazy about this, I need to get out of the house and stop thinking about him but it's so hard.

Oh I've had this before I got married and had it suggested in a 'volatile' on/off relationship.

A break can give breathing space but usually means in my experience you're better off breaking up for good. Sorry

Are you sure he's at work? He hasn't gone on holiday?

Unless he's going through some weird shit (emotionally) I'm second guessing another woman so that's why he's been offline.

Maybe someone at work etc.

Oh, and good friend of mine - had DH who worked in the City in finance - she worked from home (dog walking etc), no DC. She had worked before but remotely.

Happily together then married and after a few years he met someone else at work. They're now divorcing and selling their big country house.

OP, I agree with PP, it's over. By calling a break he probably thinks he is letting you down gently. Do not call his work. You agreed to a one week break, you need to respect this or end the relationship.

No I'm not sure he's at work but the it's a super busy time for them so can't imagine him having time off unless he's just lying to me all round.

I never thought him capable of this, I mean he's 42 ffs and he's playing games. I don't know what to do with myself, I just feel such a mess

He has no social media accounts, never has the whole time we've been together.

The only friend I could contact is his best friend but that's crazy, I need to leave him alone like he asked and prepare myself for the apparent inevitable.

Going to go see my best friend for a few hours, otherwise I'll end up ringing him or messaging him

That is what I was wondering if he was on holiday and not at work.

If you wanted to, you could call the office and ask for him pretend to be someone else work related and they'll either put you through or say he isn't there and if he's there you can just hang up and he won't know it was you.