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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He wants a break

62 replies

Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 11:07

Been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, we don't live together and live about an hour away from each other.

Things have been difficult lately and we haven't seen as much of each other as usual for various reasons.

He's now saying he wants a break and originally asked for 2 weeks no contact, I told him I couldn't do this so we're are doing a week but I'm struggling so bad, this is a person I've spoken to every day for 3 years. I'm scared he's not going to miss me and that it's over.

He kept saying he loves me when we spoke and that he's never met anyone that he gets on with as well as he does me and that he's worried about the living situation as we can't really afford for me to move there.

Is it hopeless, do I need to just pull myself together and accept that it's probably over? So far I've managed to not message him but I'm not eating or sleeping and I feel like part of me is missing, I realise this sounds so ridiculous but I love him so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 12:32

I'm too scared to do that, wish I had someone else that could as then that would put my mind at rest

OP posts:
Original poster
Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 12:33

It's like if I know he isn't there then that just confirms he's lying to me about something as he's been telling me it's impossible to get time off at this point in the year.

OP posts:
MissSmiley · 24/06/2019 12:39

If you're going to see your best friend, get her to phone and see if he's at work

GreyCloud0 · 24/06/2019 12:55

If you pm me the number il call it and say sorry I phones the wrong number if he picks up

Original poster
Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 13:21

I've pm'd you greycloud

OP posts:
TheStuffedPenguin · 24/06/2019 13:24

Are you sure he's at work? He hasn't gone on holiday?

My first thought too !

Original poster
Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 13:26

I'm kind of thinking he's not at work today either tbh, I just have a bit feeling something is going on

OP posts:
ChuckleBuckles · 24/06/2019 13:28

Look OP whatever the hell he is up to, it is grossly unfair of him to leave you anxious and wondering what is going on while he is on a "break". It is no way to treat the people we say we care for, I think you need to take this week apart and think about what this chap is really like, is he good for you?

PeoniesarePink · 24/06/2019 13:31

He's taking the cowardly way out of ending it.

Next comes the "it's not you it's me" line.

If he can treat you like this, he's not worthy of you. Hold your head up high, give a friend your phone for a week or two, and move on. Cry, shout, scream, eat chocolate, do whatever you need to but don't contact him Flowers

Ninkaninus · 24/06/2019 13:35

I haven’t RTFT so it may have moved on, but I’d see ‘taking a break’ as a definite break-up. If someone has to think about whether or not they want to be with me then as far as I’m concerned that’s the end of it.

Ninkaninus · 24/06/2019 13:36

Flowers i know this is really rough.

baileys6904 · 24/06/2019 15:00

I'm really sorry OP but if you have to message a stranger on an internet forum your OH's name and telephone number for them to call and see if hes available, your relationship is over. Or if it's not already, it will be should he ever find out.

If this was a man about his girlfriend, people would be advising to give her her space and leave her alone.

LellyMcKelly · 24/06/2019 15:19

It’s over and he’s too cowardly to rip off the plaster. You can either sit there and wait for the inevitable or you can drop him an email and say the time has given you the opportunity to do a bit of thinking and you think it would be better for you to split up.

letsdolunch321 · 24/06/2019 15:21

If the pp has called him and he is playing you - end it straight away don't wait for his pathetic excuses.

Original poster
Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 15:23

Yeah I've had time to think and I'm not going to get anyone to ring him. I'm just going to leave him alone, finding out where he is isn't going to solve anything or help how I'm feeling.

I just think it's a really shitty thing do to someone.

OP posts:
ChihuahuaMummy1 · 24/06/2019 15:43

If hes got a new phone with a different number maybe that's why WhatsApp is saying hes offline.Whatsapp goes on your telephone number I believe.He could have well blocked you on work phone if not allowed to change that.

ScreamingLadySutch · 24/06/2019 15:49

@GreyCloud0 was he at work?

TheCatThatDanced · 24/06/2019 15:53

Normally OP - sad to say - if I (done this once to a nasty SO) - if I ignore someone or they ignore me - there's a reason why and it's because they don't want to speak to you. Or they're "thinking this over" but still don't want to speak to you.

He could think of a lot of other ways to contact you besides phone (email?) rather than leave you hanging/worrying.

I'd be thinking about dumping him to be honest. Why can't he afford to move nearer to you if you can't afford to move to near him?

What other issues are there? I haven't split up with someone over not being able to not live with them/near them though it has kind of been a tipping point. I will say this, 3 years of being together and you haven't moved in together? Big red flag for me on that one on either his or your parts.

Piggle23 · 24/06/2019 16:14

What a fucking coward. Concentrate on yourself and your friends support op. Also ignore the patronising people telling yo to just talk to other men. Look after yourself first.

loobyloo1234 · 24/06/2019 16:45

A week no contact and you can't get hold of him on his work phone?

Holiday with someone else .. another woman? Gather your dignity and tell him to do one OP

Loopytiles · 24/06/2019 16:49

Take back some control, message him to say that your relationship is over because of the shitty way he’s treating you.

swingofthings · 24/06/2019 17:11

He loves you but he's met someone he's fallen in love with. He's gone away with her for a week to see if it's worth finishing with you to be with her.

Sadly this is a ikely scenariobut hopefully not.

MsDogLady · 24/06/2019 17:15

After 3+ years, he has put you ‘on hold’ and is willing for you to feel anxious and uncertain. This is so wrong. I would end things now.

SAHD2020 · 24/06/2019 17:22

If he is not answering his phone or goes to voicemail, he hasn't been on whatsapp since saturday morning and he doesn't appear to be at work he may have just needed a break from everything and everyone. Perhaps he is super stressed and needs some alone time. Just a thought. Still pretty shitty to not tell you if that's the case.

Original poster
Justneedtotalk2019 · 24/06/2019 18:29

His work phone has been ringing since about 2pm, I didn't try and talk to him and only rang oncs, he's been active on his work phone WhatsApp so at least I know he's alright, I have bad anxiety so I always think worst case scenario.

With regards to living with each other, i have two kids, one of which is autistic and financially we've both been trying to put money away to make this happen, it's always something we both wanted and we both realised it would take time. He can't move to me as he needs to be close to his work and the commute from here and the hours he does it wouldn't be worthwhile.

I'm just going to keep strong and not contact him but prepare myself for it being over, I think his treatment of me has been pretty awful tbh, I've had an awful few months resulting in my daughter being in hospital and his lack of support has really shown, so maybe he's not the right person for me. Just hurts that I trusted him and thought he was different.

OP posts: