So sick of DH always coming home later than he says

[gonnahavearant]

I just need to rant. Whenever DH goes out, I’ll ask him what time I can expect him home, he’ll happily give me a time, but then without fail, every single night out he has, he comes home way later than he originally said. The lateness can range from an hour, to 5-6 hours which I’m so sick of.

In the past, he’d just completely ignore whatever time he’d initially stated, ignore my worried calls and texts wondering where the fuck he was, and would stroll in at god knows what time of the night absolutely fucked. Lately (in the past year or so), he’s taken to messaging me a matter of minutes before he should be home, to say he’ll be an hour late (it’s almost always an hour that he claims he’ll be), the new time will roll around, still no sign of him so I start to panic, but then I won’t hear from him again until he turns up, which could be another hour, it could be two, it could even be three.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant and we have two young DC’s at home (under three), and I’ve just had it up to here with the blatant lack of respect.

Tonight he was going out for ‘just a few beers’. He said he’d be home for absolute definite by midnight, and in his own words ‘probably earlier than that’. 12 rolls around, up pings the message ‘lost track of time, will be back in an hour. My bad!’. An hour and a half passes, still not home, and didn’t hear from him again. He finally got in at 2am, so two hours late which I know isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things, but given this happens every single time, I’m just fed up.

He got annoyed at me for being pissed off with him, and was sarcastically laying in bed going ‘anything else? Anything else you want to bring up? Go on!’ in a really childish, wind up tone. I ended up getting dressed and walking round the block and am now sleeping in a different room as his constant lateness combined with his ridiculous attitude tonight has made me want to be nowhere near him.

Ugh. Anyone else’s DH’s think it’s totally ok to ignore what time they said they’d be back and just stroll in whenever they feel like it?

I feel like I’m probably doubly annoyed because of how heavily pregnant I feel at the moment, and it doesn’t help that he’s had 10x more nights out than I’ve had over the last few years.

No advice sorry but I'm in a similar situation. Goes out every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Always gets in at five or later in the morning or doesn't come home at all. I used to care and ring hospitals ring him etc. Now I just don't bother. It's easier but I'm so mad and just don't know what to do x

See this is probably why I'm single because I just can't imagine wanting to be with a man who disrespects me like this. It's not even the time thing, it's the fact that it doesn't sound like you can broach it with him without him being a cunt to you, or that he doesn't take you anywhere. My last post was a bit dickish and I apologise for that- I get really frustrated seeing decent women put up with horrendous behaviour from men.

Op I think you need to ask yourself what is actually good about the relationship and what's bad and as he's no intention of changing the way he is, what can you accept your life being forever and what will the relationship teach your children about love?

What was your parents relationship like? Did your dad speak nicely to your mum? Did he do his fair share?

I know it’s not the best time to do so but I don’t think this will ever change so leaving is probably the best option. It’s either leave or deal with him doing this constantly. I don’t understand why you are having a third child with a man who treats you like this.

I have a friend who's EXH used to say i'll be in when i come in, she's happily divorced now.

DP and I just had this fight last night. He had been on a stag for the weekend. I needed to drop my car off and collect his van so I was about 10mins from the pub he was in. I text him at 6.30 asking could I collect him now, he said he was "hoping to stay out until 7.30" I said fine text me when your ready. I then had to drive 20mins home to wait for his text. I had so much to do and at 8pm his text came in, I now have a half hour drive to pick him up. I text him at 8.30pm to say I am outside, he tells me to come in.

At this stage I am shattered (I have driven about 3 hours already as I was at my parents for the weekend and went to visit a friend on the way home) hormonal (early stages of pregnancy) and starving (I didn't want to start cooking as I was waiting to collect him) He came out of the pub at 8.50 with a drink still in his hand and got annoyed because I didn't go in (his friends partners had when they were collected earlier in the evening). I got pissed off, and it was the same reason as you, don't say one thing and do another.

If he had told me he didn't want to be picked up until 12 at night I would not have minded at all, at least I would have been able to cook and eat my dinner, rather than having to start cooking at 9.20 when I got home from picking him up. And he thought I was annoyed cause he was out drinking! It really wasn't that at all and in his drunk state he was not taking what I was saying on board at all!!

He slept in the spare room and apologised this morning. I reminded him of how much of a dick he was and went to work!!

So far this has been a once off, but if he was to do it regularly I would walk away cause it is a blatant disrespect for you. He is treating you like a hotel, coming and going as he pleases. Put your foot down and if he carries on just kick him out.

Both my ex's were like this! the only difference being I only had one child with the first ex (thank god!) initially I used to worry about where they were incase something had happened, but as time went on I stopped caring.
After putting myself through it twice I've finally realised it isn't normal to have somebody treat you with complete disrespect, the issue isn't him coming home late time and time again but it's the fact he is even out until that time in the morning when he has children and a pregnant wife at home.
Don't get me wrong you BOTH should have time to go out socially but seems to me he is taking the piss completely. I wasted too much time on my ex's, I wouldn't waste anymore time on your DH.