“I’m around if you need to speak”

[FFSCake]

I am six months into dating a new guy. We’ve both been away for periods of time so things are still relatively new. We’re managing to see each other once or twice a week. Things are relatively normal and nice and I feel that he is into me, but he frames all interaction we have with the insinuation that I “need” to speak to him. Things like:

I can call if you need?
Do you need to see me?
I’m around if you want to call.

This evening has really wound me up. We are planning on going away together in a couple of weeks. We are both organising parts of it, but I have some logistical questions for him. He is travelling for work and he called me yesterday but I missed it and called him back a couple of hours later. He said he was busy with colleagues, I said no problem, just have a few questions re: our logistics. He said speak tomorrow.

Then this evening I get a text: i’m around this evening if you need me to answer your questions.

I find it really, really annoying that his communication is framed liked this. Why can’t he say i’d like to speak to you. Please can we talk?

Am I right to find this annoying? I have brought it up before and he apologises and assured me he wants to speak but just does not change the way he deals with me.

I got a “you have questions, do you need me to call?” Tonight. And I just thought, sod you, and wrote back “no need, have a good night.”

AIBU for this driving me up the wall?

I get this. I would push back a bit - 'don't need you, want you' and come back to him 'did you need me when you called? or just want to speak to me?' to make him face up to it.

Could be on the spectrum. Currently dealing with a partner like this. It’s very difficult.

I am struggling to see the issue to be honest.

It would definitely piss me off.
It's phrased as if he's more superior than you - a bit like a boss might speak to an inferior member of staff.

I can't see an issue; that's probably the kind of text I would send.
Is it wrong, somehow?

I am also completely failing to understand the issue. You wanted to speak to him. He wasn't free. So he told you when he would be free if you still want to speak. What have I missed?

Is it that you think he should want to have more conversations on the days you don't see each other?

The issue is that he should not use language or language structures that imply he is talking to me out of duty because I need it rather than because he wants to.

Even from the very beginning his method of pursuing was to say things like “I am around if you need me.” Lots of “i’m Here if you need.”

He talks like this in person too. He could turn up at my house and I could say “why are you here?” And he would say “you needed to see me.”

But you had said that you had specific questions. So he is assuming you need him to answer those questions. Nope, still don't get it.

When I send a text like that, my intention is to put myself at the service of the other person, not to feel superior.

It’s very work-speak I think and I’d not like the implication that I was the one chasing someone

It sounds a bit formal but otherwise I don't see the problem?

Is he affectionate otherwise. Like physically and also in terms of saying things like 'I miss you' ect...

Your example want good as in that case you did need to ask him something. But if he does it at other times I’d just reply “no I don’t need you but I’m around if YOU would like to chat?” and repeat in some form or another every time.

You need to frame the language.

Him: 'You needed to see me?'
You: 'Um, no. I think it would be good to discuss this/that, but it's not a question of need!'

I think it is abit weird OP. It's like he wants you to think you are dependent on him and need saving rather than him wanting to communicate with you and spend time because he sees you as his equal.

It could be that he struggles to communicate or it could be that hes a twat.

Theres only one way to find out and that is to get to the bottom of it by having a conversation with him. Tell him you feel XYZ when he does this. If he makes an effort to change then I'd give him a chance. If he doesnt care about how you feel about it, I cant see how you will ever have a real sense of intimacy (because you will never feel like he wants to talk to you) and I'd walk away and hold out for someone who makes you feel desired.

Sorry, just read that you have talked to him and he hasnt changed. I wouldnt be able to continue in this relationship. You clearly dont feel desired by him which is quite an important part of a relationship. Especially only 6 months in. It should be effortless and fun

I don’t see the problem either but you do. You find it annoying and that shouldn’t be something you pick up on if you connect with him. He’s not the one.
Also he, and any other person, should be able to speak the way he wants to and does without someone telling him otherwise.

I wouldn’t like this language either, sounds a bit like you are his PA, is he egotistical generally??

I get it OP, he may have picked up this trait from his own parents and it's just how he talks rather than him implying you 'need' him. The fact you have said and he hasn't changed it though.... Does his good qualities outweigh this annoyance?
I wouldn't like it either. It almost feels like crossing a boundary. But I also get how others wouldn't get this.

I wouldn't like it tbh.

What's is job, is it something logistical?

I definitely get it Ozp.
Would irritate me.
Putting you on the wrong foot.
This early in the relationship, I wouldn't be arsed.
However, if he's great in ALL other areas I would adopt

@museumum's language suggestions.

I’ve read and re-read this and still can’t see what he’s done wrong!

I think it’s a confidence thing. He wants to talk but still isn’t confident enough to risk imposing

I am awful at text and MN posts. So when it's important, I prefer to talk. But because I'm so shit at text, messages can come across wrong to people who don't know me well.

How old is he OP?