Name change. Going to try to be succinct but give all the details, and is a bit of a relationship aibu I suppose!
3 DC, 50/50 residency with me and exH. Ex had a brief relationship with a woman who wanted DC but he didn't. They broke up but she found out she was pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, so they've been making a go of it. She has met my DC fairly regularly over last few months. They do not live together and no plans on moving in as far as I know.
ExH asked if I could 'help' with our DC around arrival of baby (e.g come pick them up or whatever if he needed to rush to hospital with new partner etc). I agreed willingly. No problem. So for the last 3 weeks I've barely had a drink for fear of having to rush off to collect them, cancelled trips away with my hobby etc as felt I couldn't be too far away, slept with my phone by my head if DC were with him etc. It has annoyed me a bit as it's had quite a big impact on me personally, with very little thanks or recognition that it's actually put me out quite a bit! But that's by the by really. My main concern is the devastating effect it's had on my eldest aged 10. She doesn't do well with change, and has been what I can only describe as depressive episodes over the arrival of the new baby. Convinced daddy will make her look after the baby (he won't), worried he won't love her or fuss her as much when the baby arrives, and just generally been very flat and despondent, cries a lot, can't stop worrying. I've tried to reassure her as best as I can. I've been really positive about the baby, really done my best. I asked if she's spoken to ExH about it but she says she won't. I brought it up with him about how she's been but he insists she's fine with him and hasn't said anything, and thinks she'll be fine. I'm honestly at the point of thinking she needs to talk to someone, as she's been a total mess with me. It's breaking my heart.
Fastforward. Baby has arrived this morning. By luck the DC were with me. We're due to be with exH over weekend sat morning until Monday morning, then with me until school pickup on Thursday. I will admit to sending a bit of a terse congratulations after he text me. I had an especially challenging evening and morning with DD upset about the baby, THEN having to tell her it had been born. She didn't say anything when I told her, and when I checked with her a bit later that she understood and had heard me she just shouted 'you've told me once I don't need to hear about it again'. I offered to show her the photo and it did pique her interest and she seemed ok. For what it's worth I think once she gets used to the reality of it and sees the baby and it becomes part of her routine she will be fine. She relies on her routines a lot!
So here's the crux (sorry it's been so long!). I told ExH that I'd have the kids Saturday, saturday night and drop them over on Sunday eve at tea time. This would give him a couple of days to spend alone with his partner and newborn (all of today and tonight, tomrrow day and night, plus most of sunday) then a nice evening with the DC to either take them to visit their new sibling, or at least talk to them about it/show photos etc. They'd be back in school Monday morning and he'd have most of next week and next weekend to spend with just him and new family. Except...he doesn't want them over! He's under the impression I should 'help' by having the DC until next Thursday. I'm just baffled! It's so hurtful to the DC that they're essentially being excluded (I haven't told them any plans yet...I'm just hurt on their behalf!) and I'm just anticipating the meltdowns from DD as I suspect it will confirm to her the fears that her dad will prefer the baby etc. Although I will of course manage this as best as I can and just say the baby and her mum need to sleep a lot for a few days etc. I've been really careful not to let my feelings colour things and been unendingly positive about it all, despite my own feelings that he's been a bit of a fool. I'm just gobsmacked!
We exchanged so heated texts today and I feel dreadful. He's coming at it from the angle that I should be supporting him and making good on my promise to help so he can support the new mum, whereas I can't get him to see that I'm not refusing to help, but that he needs to consider the feelings of his existing DC, and that one evening and night out of a week and a half totally free to spend being fatehr of the year. If I insist on dropping them off on Sunday, he will be there to receive them and will be lovely with them (I'll probably get some shit though). But before I do that, aibu for thinking he should have them on Sunday eve?! Am I being a bitch by forcing his hand on this? Or is my judgement being clouded by my own frustrations on the situation?