Is this a symptom of a condtion

[Vee19811]

My bf possible ex now. He is a succesful data scientist. Really clever man. He does not have many friends by that I mean 2 friends. When I cry it does not seem to effect him in the slightest, no emotional reaction what so ever. If we argue he stone walls me. I'm not an argumetive person. He thinks I'm someone capable of telling lies, being muliputive but that really is not me. His ex wife totally takes up space in his head with arguments... she's not bad it's just their situation but it means he has no head space for me and I don't even have to actually say anything wrong for a kind chesture of mine to end up being something bad. He never says sorry not really but everything he does gets put in me as I have done it. He does not like people much but he says he like me and that when his with me it's nice and calm. That is because I am mostly kind and considerate. Am I missing something? Sex is very rough and he likes to grab my neck. His also warm but does like to dominate during sex. I like it as his never been violent towards me. He gets totally overwhelmed by emotion. I saw him cry once and he was trying to hide it. It broke my heart but I don't understand him

Please stop feeling ashamed. At worse you were naive, you are a nice person. He is the one that should be ashamed, but never will be. His ex wife, who you seem to like, was also taken in by him, they are clever these men. You know what you need to do now. Extract yourself permanently and never take him back again. Good luck.

The things that go around in my head are...
He thinks I tricked him and got pregnant to trap him.
He said I was in a rush with the relationship.
He did not beleive me about my abuse from my ex and thinks I'm making it all up and that he needs to protect his children from me.
That I would lie about our daughter being ill.
He really thinks I'm this monster and somehow I've started to beleive it too. None of these things he believes are true but they seem to if effected me and my self worth. I wanted so badly for us to be happy together but every time things seemed great I would have something else thrown at me that he thought I had done. I'm completely terrified what he is going to say next. From what his ex wife has told me i really need to be scared and that my life will be maswvery hard. I just feel so very low today and I'm really tired of all this. I need to stay strong for my children and I feel dreadful as I have let them down so much with yet another relationship

Try to talk to someone about how you're feeling - go to the GP or call women's aid, their helpline workers are really great. Why should your life be miserable? The ex wife is supporting you and trying to tell him to sort it out - but he won't be told because he can't see it. Don't be scared of him - he can't hurt you. Keep talking to your friends in RL, keep posting here, keep accessing all the support you can from every angle. You will get there. You sound like a lovely person. Don't forget abusive men always want a partner and they prey on naive women. You don't attract them, they have targeted you. Please feel better about yourself and think positive.

so apparently I attracted them there actually a lot of them about and they aren't fussy so I wouldn't say you necessarily attract them. But because you were used to it after being raised by a narcissist mother you didn't know it was abnormal behaviour and tolerated and excused them longer than you should have. But now you know, so everything can change :)

The ex wife is still trying to manage his behaviour. That is worrying. Does SHE know about narcissistic personality disorder? Anyway, there is no reason for you to feel ashamed, not so long as you take control of things now and work on getting him out of your life.

You are stuck in a loop about 3 or 4 things that he won’t understand or give you closure on. This is tormenting you and he knows this and is taking pleasure pulling those strings.

So you need to take away his power - you don’t need to keep flogging a dead horse to get his agreement / acknowledgement / apology to see things your way.

YOU get to decide what the reality is - and then you you are free. Detach. Block all contact and get some MH support - otherwise your children will continue to be emotionally neglected as their mother is absent by being distracted and consumed by these men...and they have no other parent in their lives.

I'm completely terrified what he is going to say next.

Why? Block him. Then you will never be exposed to this again. Get any basic communication relevant to your DD on email through friends.

But for each and every minute you stay focused on him you then have to take responsibility for exposing your children to even more of this emotional neglect. If you are unable to see that or do that alone - seek help in RL.

INTJ