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Original poster

Trembling when we talk or text

103 replies

Birdsong38 · 18/06/2019 23:00

I would really appreciate your thoughts.

Over the past few weeks, whenever I speak to a male friend on the phone, I find myself physically shaking while talking to him. This has only started recently and we have been close friends for a year. I find that it’s beginning to make my voice tremble slightly too but it may only be me who notices this.

Then, today, exactly the same thing happened during a text exchange. This is a new thing.

What’s it all about and is there anything that I can do to stop it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Usuallyinthemiddle · 19/06/2019 00:02

With respect, you're doing a rubbish job. 😂 And it's not only you.

Make a decision. You're in an EA pretty much already. Is it worth it?

Jemima232 · 19/06/2019 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 19/06/2019 00:07

Its five past midnight and you're talking about a man you find attractive that makes you tremble on the internet. That's not suppressing much. It's trying to make it ok. And you've got mentionitis. I've been there.

Please be careful.

Rashatash · 19/06/2019 00:07

The thing is , the way it works is like this.
If the colleague really protests about people who have affairs , and insists he would never have one... then when he does make his move , the illusion is that THIS isn’t an affair!! It’s true love!!
We are helpless in this tide of true love!!
It JUST HAPPENED!! Like a movie, uncontrollable passion and desire.
I honestly don’t believe you are so naïve that you need this explaining , but if you are, then deffo ease up on the calls and texts.

AquaPris · 19/06/2019 00:08

@Usuallyinthemiddle could be ASMR

Usuallyinthemiddle · 19/06/2019 00:10

That's the one!

But I think we know it's not.

MayFayner · 19/06/2019 00:10

Yes, every single thing that rash has said, on all their posts.

Orangeballon · 19/06/2019 00:31

You maybe have the onset of Parkinson’s disease, best see a doctor.

LittlePaintBox · 19/06/2019 00:34

When, and why, are you speaking to him on the phone? Presumably you don't tremble when making a work-related phone call? If you want to stop the trembling, stop the non-work phone calls.

Also, why are you even talking about extra-marital affairs to the point that you know he disapproves of them? Who brings that up?

Either you're being played by someone nudging you towards an affair, or you are both playing a game which results in you having an affair that's nobody's fault, as you were both overwhelmed by emotion.

If you value your marriage, back off now. It's easier to do that before the affair than after.

Gazelda · 19/06/2019 07:57

For God's sake woman!

You admit to having feelings for him but don't feel guilty? Where is your husband in all of this? Do you not have any respect for him at all? If you did, you would be turning your friendship back into a professional working relationship which ends at the same time as you clock of after shift. No more texting or phoning.

Your poor husband.

IM0GEN · 19/06/2019 08:09

You are playing with fire and you know it.

Next we will have a new thread with you looking for sympathy and understanding because you and OM just happened to be drunk in a hotel room together ( for a totes legit work purpose obv) and he fell over and his prick landed inside you.

But you didn’t mean it to happen so that’s ok. And you know it won’t end well so you won’t do it again. Until the next time.

Yawn .

StCharlotte · 19/06/2019 08:14

Birdsong38

Sorry for delay in replying and for not being able to do a link but Ms Merkel had a bit of an episode yesterday. Quite alarming.

Trembling when we talk or text
kateandme · 19/06/2019 09:58

i cant beleive you are being so blah about having feelings for another person.you dont talk about your dp or wanting to change just that it wont happen becasue you know it wont end well.this isnt the reason why you shouldnt be wanting an affair.

Original poster
Birdsong38 · 19/06/2019 13:23

The reason why I don’t feel guilty is because I don’t think it’s wrong to have feelings for other people within a marriage. It’s only something to feel guilty about if you act on those feelings or neglect the primary relationship because of those feelings. Neither of which I am doing or intend to do. I didn’t want to have feelings for my friend but I do and I’m doing my best to ignore and suppress them. You’ll be pleased to hear that we texted earlier and there was no trembling! Perhaps this has all blown over already.

Regarding my marriage, things are OK.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 19/06/2019 13:40

Ok, so you don’t feel guilty. But you have to not feed the feelings. Contact feeds it, so does daydreaming about him. You’ll never find the neutral ground of true friendship with him, because that’s not what you really want from it, no matter how much you repress.

Also it’s going to be really hard for your husband to compete because “friend”will always be forbidden fruit, and therefore idealised. Your husband will be a warts and all experience.

The only way you can stop the shaking is to cut contact to minimum possible.

Ginger1982 · 19/06/2019 15:12

You need to stop contacting him outside of work.

Bluerussian · 19/06/2019 15:28

Cut down the texts and talking, let it fade away. You can do without this, I'm sure you have other friends who don't affect you in the same way.

EAIOU · 19/06/2019 15:44

You've went from saying you find him attractive and now it's ok to have feelings for other people within a marriage.

Do either of you have children? Good relationships with your partners?

I think you do want someone to say it's OK, it turned out fine and we're still together 50years later. Whilst you're trying to decide on your moral compass, think about those partners who are unaware, who didn't ask to be a part of this.

Jemima232 · 19/06/2019 15:56

I can't even remember what I said that got deleted.

Was it awful?

Grandadwasthatyou · 19/06/2019 16:02

What does your DH think about you messaging another man?
Assume you are happy enough that there is nothing in the texts he would be upset about and you would be quite happy to let him see these " innocent " texts?

Original poster
Birdsong38 · 19/06/2019 16:04

Jemima, I can’t recall anything awful so I doubt it.

OP posts:
welliesarefuntowear · 19/06/2019 16:15

Tell your DH about the trembling and see how he reacts.

FWIW my DP or soon to be ex I'm not sure which has been having the trembles around another woman. They're just good friends apparently. I stuck my head in the sand to the point where they opened a joint bank account together without telling me with a view to starting a business. He's staying at his mums now and it's fucked our relationship.

Good luck op, you're going to need it.

Jemima232 · 19/06/2019 16:19

Thank you Birdsong

OP - please don't be naïve and do think really hard about your marriage and your DH.

You seem to be thinking along the lines of having a possible affair, and as you've said yourself, it will not end well.

MysweetAudrina · 19/06/2019 16:20

It's anxiety. it's your bodies way of telling you that there is something deeper going on that you feel guilty about. Be honest with yourself, on some level you feel as if you are doing something wrong.

Ginger1982 · 19/06/2019 17:28

Yup, I don't believe that you don't feel guilty on some level.