DH cheated; I feel lost

[Daffodil83]

So DH was found out by me in February he had been cheating. He’d been visiting escorts / massage rooms etc etc for over 12 months whilst our marriage was supposedly sound. When caught, he said I had been difficult to live with at times and he only ever saw me in my pjs. I threw him out to compose myself but was also fighting mental health problems to complicate matters. My family cut him out and life was strained for me and DD (4). Cut a long story short, I took him back and our wedding anniversary was last week. I wrote an emotional and raw card explaining that we could get through this blah blah and I loved him and our world. He got me nothing. No card. No apology. No heartfelt words. He has come back like nothing has ever happened whilst I struggle to get through each day. I hate my reflection but I make sure I’m made up every day and look presentable. I try desperately to communicate with him and he says everything’s fine. I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve taken him back and made my bed. What do I do? I feel helpless, isolated and alone.

You will hopefully realise your self worth and get rid

Please pluck up the courage to talk to your family and tell them it was a mistake to try and give things another go. In fact I think your family probably knew it would be and theyre just waiting for you to shout for help.

You’re better than this. Leave him!

Well now you never have to wonder if he would have made it up to you and somehow turned into a decent husband if only you'd given him the chance. You gave him the chance he didn't deserve and he's shat all over you. Again. Get rid and move on.

So he blamed you for his cheating? Get rid. You deserve so much better. I'm sure your family will be there for you just as they have been before.

Please don't waste anymore of your life on this man, he's not worth the sadness and angst that he clearly causes you. Some people believe that everyone deserves a second chance - he's had his... and blown it! You deserve better. My wise mum once told me, 'you get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated'. Don't allow it anymore, you will have a much happier future without him in it x

Of course you haven't made your bed. You can change your mind and throw him out at any point.

IMO a relationship can recover from infidelity but only if the cheating partner is genuinely remorseful. Blaming you for it and not apologising doesn't sound like he falls into that category.

Problem is I love him so much. God knows why. I’ve tried talking to him tonight and he just says it’s too hard and he’s going and all I do is go on. Everything I say somehow turns out to be my fault, then he’ll say he’s sorry for everything (generic answer) and start joking.

I wish he’d just had a one night stand. The fact these paid for services give everything he could’ve wanted hurts me beyond words.

You might love him. He might say he loves you but he doesn't value you and he doesn't value women.

You got shut of this loser once, you can do it again.

I kicked my exdh for cheating and showing little remorse. I had a toddler and a baby on the way. Now happily remarried with a third dc. Why would you take him back? Why love someone who doesn't love you?

Yes you do love him but did that mean anything to him when he was sneaking behind your back paying for sex, is that something you do to someone you love? He doesn't sound very happy still as he's not even making effort,is that what you want for yourself. Get out wwhilr you can, like someone said above you'll never wonder what if etc because you've gave him another chance and he still isn't counting his blessings. He just knows he's got you know and you love him so it's easy for him. Go and get someone that will appreciate you in your pyjamas! Bet he's a right oil painting, he couldn't get sex for free that he had to pay for it, sad man. You are worth more stop being an idiot and love yourself

I know it must be really difficult but it takes more than love to maintain a successful relationship. Trust, honesty and communication are equally as important. He doesn't sound sorry to me and he obviously isn't taking your feelings into consideration or he wouldn't be skimming over the subject when you bring it up. If he really cared he'd be doing everything he could to reassure you and ensure that you knew how sorry he was and try to give you confidence that it was a stupid mistake and will never happen again. It doesn't sound like he wants to work on making things better at all and if you can't communicate with each other then it's going nowhere.
Ultimately the decision is yours and as you have a child together, it won't be an easy one to make but I honesty think that, as painful as walking away will be, it'll save you a lifetime of pain in the long run x

You took back an unremorseful ingrate. He cheated and put your health at risk, and then deflected the blame back to you. He has no desire to rebuild your connection or restore trust.

Daffodil, you don’t have to lie in this bed. It is perfectly understandable that you have changed your mind. Show him the door.

If I'm not at work, I'm generally in sweaty gym stuff or pjs. My husband sees me looking reasonable about once a month. He is gaslighting and eroding your self esteem. Please OP, work on yourself, not on this marriage and get rid. You deserve so much more.

And please stop dolling yourself up for this pig. Are you really ok to compete with prostitutes for his sexual attention ?

I can't imagine what thst is doing to your self respect.

Kick him back out and spend value time on you.

I'd go back to your pyjamas!

He cheated on you and isn't remorseful. It isn't worth this unhappiness.

You love him?

Everything I say somehow turns out to be my fault, then he’ll say he’s sorry for everything (generic answer) and start joking.

You love hearing that? You love having that level of lack of regard thrust in your face? You love having it rubbed in just how much he doesn't give a shit about you?

You don't love him. What is love? Respect, regard, the warm feeling of knowing someone is there for you and they think you're the best thing ever. Thinking they're the best thing ever.

You know all too well that he's very far from the best thing ever. And you know what he thinks of you. And, incidentally, all women - disgusting little john that he is - barf.

You don't love him - you're used to him, you're scared of so much changing, you love the idea of your family and your security. But you don't love him, how could you?

Get rid, you are not ever going to feel any better about this. Because you have a brain and a heart!

Get some self respect and throw him out again.

Hearts heal. You'll get over him. It won't feel like that right now. It won't feel like that in the coming months, but all heartbreak comes to an end and you will come out the other side if it. Keep telling yourself that. And one day, you'll love someone who loves you back.

You. Are. Worth. More.

Also. You don't love him. You love the man you thought you were married to. He is not that man.

Sometimes love is a trap and becomes something harmful to us.

Loving someone doesn't mean a relationship can work or can be mended.

Sometimes it's better to face the pain of an ending than to go on tearing yourself apart for the sake of a love that is broken and toxic. Love doesn't conquer all, it doesn't transform.

You have not made your bed and you do not have to lie in it. Life doesn't work like that - you're not locked into decisions you made when you were reeling for the rest of your life. Everyone is allowed to change their minds.

It's OK to say "I've tried, and I thought I could make it work, but you know what, I can't." It doesn't suddenly turn the relationship failing into your fault.

He’s a fucking pig and if you leave now, you’ll be so glad you did in a few years time. Do future you a favour.

Ugh. He isn't sorry. He's sorry you caught him.

You deserve better.