Best friends secretary always rude to me.

[Toddlerteaplease]

We've been friends for years. He was promoted and moved to another city about 5 years ago. He inherited a secretary who has been in the role since the 1950's. I've always been nice to her. But recently shoes stated being really rude to me when I go to visit. Bother their offices are in his home so she makes me feel very unwelcome. It was his birthday the other day and he invited me to something he does each week. And she was complaining to him about me being there.
He usually will stick up for me, and he did but it really spoiled the day. They are friends but as his secretary I think she's massively overstepping the boundaries. How do I deal with it, without being petty.

Surely she should be retired?? In any event, I’m not sure you can do anything. It’s her ‘turf’ so to speak and she seems to resent you being there. Perhaps have him come to you instead?

So she's in her late 70's?

I'd smile sweetly and not give a shit, tbh.

She's been working there for 50 years ? She must be at least 70 - time to retire.

I'd simply avoid going there, since he seems OK with keeping her on. Surely you can see him elsewhere ?

She's his employee- it's up to him to say something

I presume the OP is using 1950s to indicate secretary has been there a long time, not literally because that would mean she's been working there about 65 years. Lol.

OP. She's very territorial or very protective. Does she think you're after him? Or are disrupting his working day? Has she decided she's his work-mother?

Curious how he inherited her if he works from home?

Yes. She's 80. The original plan was that she'd see him in for a few months then retire. Can't explain the set up as it's too outing. He says she's just being protective. But that's no reason to be rude. He doesn't get his days off as he's so busy. So I don't have much choice but to visit him. I'm not going to pander to her and not go to his house just because she's there.

She really has been in the roles since the 1950's!

She’s in her 80s and still working, bless her. But I have truly never had to go through their secretary to see any of my friends. If he acts that important, he’s not a friend (you’re a work associate). So just see him outside of work. She’s probably pissed off shes still working and not enjoying her pension!

Poor woman has been working for at least 60 years in the exact same job. It seems a very odd set up if she is also in his home.

I am sure you are mature enough to smile at an elderly lady when she is rude to you. Your friend sounds like he is working her far to hard and blurring lines between professional and personal lives.

But their not your monikers and it’s not your circus.

It is an odd set up but makes sense for the job he does. Tbh. I think she works him far to hard. His former secretary was better at managing his diary so that he had time off. This one doesn't. She is working through her own choice. He's not a work friend. She does have far too much control over the house. I do wonder if she is jealous about how close we are. I'm a lot younger than him.

She works through choice.

Is your friend Dr Findlay or James Herriot?

I can't picture this work scenario at all

I don't go through her to see him. She just answers the door. But she never makes me feel welcome. Especially if he's forgotten to tell her I'm coming it makes it very uncomfortable.

It's far too outing to say who he is. But it's a public role.

But it's a completely normal set up
In his line of work.

He's a Bishop!?

Well if it's something like that, get a headscarf and sneak into the church/synagogue/whatever to arrange flowers or clean or something and meet him there.

This all sounds very vintage.

His former secretary ? How old is he ? 99?

@RubberTreePlant

His secretary before he moved.

I assume it is some sort of religious job as others have suggested, unless he is an ambassador. I can’t think of any other public sector roles which roles which would come with a house and a live in secretary.

Or OP is researching a book!! Because it’s she is giving so much power to this woman. Why not just ignore her. Maybe her friend doesn’t actually want to see her, and this busy diary thing is just an excuse😊

Is he a Bishop and the secretary disapproves of him having lady callers?

I'm definitely not researching a book. I think she does disapprove. I just wanted a rant as it does make it awkward and he genuinely is v busy it's not an excuse!

The Bishop's Palace is a place of work, as well as the Bishop's home. In what way is she rude to you?

Passive aggressive comments about why I'm there. Grilling my friend as to why I'm there. Doesn't speak to me unless she has too. Sounds really petty but I hate being made to feel unwelcome in his home.

if he has a problem with her behaviour he will speak to her.

If not you just have to put up with it, and be a bit thick skinned.

But the friendship sounds very one sided.