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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

STBXH sent me this.. why!?

69 replies

Missbee90 · 14/06/2019 18:37

He left me a year ago because he “fell out of love with me” he didn’t want to file for divorce so I did (and bloody paid for it all) met someone else within weeks and now lives with her, we have no children but used to share a dog and had a mortgage (I bought him out the property and the stayed with me) I’m 29, he’s 30 just for context .. I’m not going to reply but just needed to post somewhere because I’m just baffled. Anyone have any thoughts on why he would email me this? We’ve not spoken for months and have no reason too. I’m moving on with my life and finally in a good place and then he pops up in my emails .. have copied and pasted the email below and replaced my name with *

Hi

Thought i would let you know as I know how much my dad loves you. He was involved in a car accident and is in hospital with a few bad injuries and has got to have a few operations but he was quite lucky to still be here so he will be ok.

I can’t imagine what I have put you through * I’m not the person you deserved you deserved a lot more. You are amazing and I was blind to see how much you loved me and this is all down to me not being a good enough person and I had to end it for both of us in the long run.

Believe me it has not been easy. Still get upset every week what I have left behind and what I have done to you I feel like a complete arsehole I hate myself for it. I couldn’t stay in contact with your family it would have made this harder for you I have cut off because I believe it is the best way to make this easier.

Thank you for all the memories we had together it has been a massive part of my life and the last 10 months has dragged and seemed like 3 years. I wish you all the best and hope in time this becomes a distant memory for you because you Have no reason to feel unhappy as this was nothing you did or did not do.

Take care

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 14/06/2019 18:40

Don’t respond. He’s hoping you respond, then he can manipulate you into wanting him back, or he’s hoping to have an extra woman to stick his dick in. It looks like he’s discovered that the grass is not greener with the other woman. GOOD! I hope he’s as miserable as sin.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 14/06/2019 18:46

"I hope your dad's ok, no I didn't deserve it, now fuck off" and block.

LoeweHammock · 14/06/2019 18:46

Yupp sounds like he would like to have you back but it'd be on his terms. How could you take him back when he said he fell out of love ?!
If you take him back he will be delighted initially but he couldnt value you because he'd know that if you valued yourself you wouldnt have given him another chance

Tell him you send on your best wishes to his father and say no more.

That emotional overshare isnt appropriate. It is very 'guilting'

RomanyQueen · 14/06/2019 18:47

Just block him and don't respond.

ArthurMc · 14/06/2019 18:48

Who is this?
Then block.

CarolDanvers · 14/06/2019 18:50

He's feeling all silly and sentimental and decided to send that load of emotive nonsense. I'd ignore entirely. My ex used to do this periodically. In my opinion what he wanted was for us to become "friends" so he could say to everyone that it had all worked out for the best and he could get rid of that uncomfortable feeling of having been a total shitbag.

Jeezoh · 14/06/2019 18:51

That would wind me up because it sounds like he pities you and is imagining you sitting at home crying because he left you, he’s soooo patronising!

I’d reply back with a message expressing that you’re baffled that he felt the need to unburden himself in this way and that you have most definitely moved on from the past and are happier than ever (whether that’s true or not), I’d have to include something like “you did me a favour, I’m much more content now”), I couldn’t have him thinking he was doing me a favour by apologising to me, what a twat! But the sensible thing is probably to ignore!

VictoriaBun · 14/06/2019 18:52

Yes ignore.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/06/2019 18:52

The best reply is no reply, but if you have to reply then "Have you been drinking?" is the one that I would go for.

Plipplopbop · 14/06/2019 18:54

What they all said. Walk away from the twunt

maddy68 · 14/06/2019 18:57

Totally depends how you feel about him. .

My first instinct is to just reply saying sorry to hear about your dad. Send him my love and best wishes

And ignore the rest

user1479305498 · 14/06/2019 18:58

I think he’s realised the grass wasn’t greener. I think it’s rather nice thing to send if you take it for what it is , but doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t want to move on , but then I am a daft old sod

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 14/06/2019 18:58

Yes, DO NOT RESPOND. He clearly hasn’t moved on, but you have, so keep away from the type of person who would come out with this trite nonsense.

burnyburny · 14/06/2019 19:00

God, he has a high opinion of himself, eh?

Was he always so averse to basic punctuation?

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 14/06/2019 19:01

He wants his cake and eat it or he is sharing a few crumbs just in case he is single again the future.

Whatever the reason he is clearly only thinking about what is good for him.

Thequaffle · 14/06/2019 19:01

Ignore it. The fact that he met someone within weeks is a red flag to that someone being in his life while you were still married.
He feels guilty and wants to be the “good guy” now. I would ignore it and block him. He’s sending that to make himself feel better.

SugarToothbrush · 14/06/2019 19:02

That is actually quite funny, not the bit about his poor dad, but how he's basically wanking himself off about how amazing he is and how he's so sorry for the hurt he must have caused because both you and your family must be FLATTENED by his absence and he hopes eventually you can take off your Miss Havisham costume and drag yourself outside to see the sunlight be it ever so dulled by the absence of him, the most important person in the world. Bless him.

Lllot5 · 14/06/2019 19:03

Ignore him. I would wonder if it’s even true about his dad.

Onemansoapopera · 14/06/2019 19:04

Can you get divorced within a year of separation now ?

MrHaroldFry · 14/06/2019 19:05

Trying to emotionally blackmail you mentioned his Dad's love towards you as well as the hospitalisation for guilt points.
He has just stated what you already know... he f*cked things up between you.
Ignore it and move forward into the new phase of your life living the past in the past. He should not go with you on your journey.

Original poster
Missbee90 · 14/06/2019 19:05

Don’t worry I have ZERO intention of entertaining a conversation, let alone the idea of getting back together, we were together 11 years and married a year and I could never forgive him for the way he left.. things were fine, we hadn’t argued and he simply come home one night ate dinner with me and then got in bed with me and told me he didn’t love me anymore and then fucked with my head for months.. no decent human being does that and then gets to pick and choose when he enters my life again. I messaged his dad directly and wished him a speedy recovery.

Thank you all for your comments x

OP posts:
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/06/2019 19:06

My exh did this when the ow was pregnant. He's a dick.
Im actually angry on your behalf. I'd just say sorry about your dad and leave it.

Sicario · 14/06/2019 19:07

Delete, ignore, and block.

Original poster
Missbee90 · 14/06/2019 19:07

@Onemansoapopera He left me 10 days after our first wedding anniversary and I filed 3 months after that so it was over a year

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 14/06/2019 19:09

I'd refuse to answer him for the shit grammar as well as everything else!