Is it all worth it?

[LostGirl7]

Reading these threads several times daily for last 2 years makes me realize it really isn't worth it. So much heartache, sadness, misery we all inflict eventually, however wonderfully it all starts out. Everyone is flawed, but some internalise it and are unhappy, while some spread their issues far and wide, causing so much harm and turmoil to others, as well as themselves undoubtedly. Really, what is the point?

Because life is about good times and bad times and everything in between. We're not meant to be blissfully happy. Humans are designed to struggle. We are also driven to make connections however damaging these end up being. I find it all exhausting but try to accept life in all it's dimensions otherwise l wouldn't get out of bed.

And that's the point I guess. Why struggle, why bother? Obviously because there's always that glimmer of hope that something positive is around the corner, a new relationship, a holiday/world travel, increased earnings, happiness. I understand more than ever why religion is the 'opium of the people'. Wish I could believe 😏

I feel very cynical as well. My children are the world to me,and I believe parent /child relationships can be genuine and altruistic but male female relationships seem all to be flawed or exploitative to varying degrees. Maybe just my upbringing and experience but I would far rather be single for the rest of my days than tolerate what I have got away from. I do get great pleasure from the natural world, growing plants ,and friends. Its does all seem like a lot more pointless effort some days, I do agree Lost girl

I wonder this. I've decided to live the hermit life.

I would strongly advise you not to form your opinion and your world view on anonymous posts made on an internet forum with a notorious reputation for trolls. Even if half are true they are a skewed sample of real life

Even if not trolls, people tend to come to this board because they have relationship issues. I know so many people in real life with amazing relationships- this board isn't representative in my opinion

The problem with most of the dysfunctional relationships you read about on here is that the op has stayed with their partner even though there were clear signs of issues/abuse from the beginning, and these red flags were ignored or they made excuses for them. Mumsnet is not an accurate portrayal of how relationships really are for most people. The people in happy and healthy relationships don't post about them on mn. You are only seeing one side of the equation.

No

The problem with most of the dysfunctional relationships you read about on here is that the op has stayed with their partner even though there were clear signs of issues/abuse from the beginning

I married someone I should never have married. What it taught me was not to pretend. I dumped 'perfect on paper' and 'I love him but nothing on paper' boyfriends even though I was scared of being alone and eventually, thinking I wouldn't ever, found DH. Flawed but in ways I can live with. And I love him healthily.

I'm happy but it took years. And I hope it's forever but you never know.

Hope is actually important.

I dunno, I'm quite happy with life in genersl. People are far more likely to post when they're unhappy so it looks like life is saturated with misery.

You can't base everything on what you read on here.

I'm convinced many of the judgmental and argumentactive posters on here are bored or want to vent at anyone. The others posting are looking for and giving back genuine advice, but as other posters say this isn't a proportional representation.

People can be whomever they choose and say whatever they like online.

I agree with the above. It would be like watching Jeremy Kyle all the time then thinking that's what human beings and relationships are about. It distorts your view of what's normal. And people come to forums for advice about the things that are troubling them, not the things that make them happy.

Maybe there should be a board here to report on nice things that people have done or ways in which your partner / family makes you happy .

I have a lot of close friends in unhappy/unhealthy relationships, so my opinion that relationships may not be worth it are not based on just an internet forum.

What are the stats around divorce, for example? I'm sure it is rising. Same domestic abuse.

If you are in a happy relationship, then absolutely cherish it. But I for one no longer buy into the idea that a monogamous partner for life is the ideal.

I posted in another thread I'm very content single after years of being in relationships.

I will never marry. I know that much.

Call me cynical, I probably am. But I'm happier cynical than living with my head in the clouds thinking a relationship will complete me, make my life better.

Well, if you don't want to engage with the world because it's horrible, then you could become a hermit.

However, human beings have evolved to seek company and be sociable, as that was obviously a good survival and reproduction strategy. We have evolved to be sad when all alone: people in the past who were happier alone didn't reproduce, and their lines have died out. Some are still happy hermits, but for the most part, if you withdraw from society you'll feel worse.

Some consider suicide, but while suicide "solves" your problem, it passes it on, hugely magnified, to the people around you affected by your death. Again, humans have evolved to be sociable and to feel bad about hurting others if they can help it, so that's why suicide is only an option for the very desperate.

So that's the very minimum point of making an effort: not to get too depressed, and not to spread the misery further.

And if you're lucky, you'll get a lot more than that. Love, cuddles, acts of kindness, fun, laughter. You won't find those here on this board, but go out into the street and within five minutes you'll hear some laughter.

Stop reading the board if it makes you feel bad.