Naive girlfriend ? Or am I being unreasonable

[Specialized101]

Hi everybody,Im a guy who has been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now,were both late 40s,dont live together but see each-other every other day.
My gf has a married neighbour who has previously been inappropriate via text,suggesting that they should get together as he finds her attractive,gf didn't reply to his text,didnt tell his wife or blockl him,and has continued to be cordial and often asking his advice as he is a tradesman.This week she has needed a simple job done around the house which I have offered many times to do for her,but instead on Thursday she texted him again for his advice and he offered to come around on Friday and do the job for her for free,and she duly accepted his offer (she works from home so would be there alone with him).Ive taken exception to this,as its a really simple job that I could fix for her to a good standard,and given his history cannot understand why shes even still in contact with him.GFs marriage ended due to her husband having an affair,so I`m also a bit bewildered that gf didn't block neighbours number at the time,tell him to bugger off or better still tell his wife about the inappropriate text.Please help !

I'd be 🤔 at all this too.

Are you sure that her marriage ended due to her ex's cheating? Rather than her cheating?

Sometimes cheaters garner sympathy by lying that their victim ex cheated on them when it was really the other way around.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I’d have the right hump in your position.

I also don’t think she’s as naive as you think she is.

Agree with sn0tnose - not naive.

I think she likes the attention. It's one thing to not engage, but it's totally another to seek it out.

Sounds like she enjoys the attention.

Hi,and thanks for the reply.
Yes gfsmarriage definitely ended due to her exs infidelity,her exs family are still very close to gf as they sided with her due to his infidelity. Worse still gf makes excuses for her neighbours text message,suggesting that it might not have been meant for her,or that he was drunk when he sent it (!)
To my male mind her neighbour is thinking that its now all systems go,especially given that my gf made the first contact with him this week and immediately accepted his kind` offer !!

To be clear, your male mind might need to give itself a bit of a wobble. She hasn’t agreed to shag him. There’s no sexual ‘green light’ gone on, in anyone’s language. Neither is a bit of house maintenance considered an obvious trade for sex.

That said, she’s either being a bit naive or enjoying the attention (from him, and the jealousy from you). Try putting it to her that you think she’s being unsafe. And that she’s depriving you of showing your love for her by not letting you do these jobs.

You’re not being unreasonable to address it with her.

Agree that your ‘male head’ might be running away with you. Just have an adult conversation about how it has made you feel rejected/insecure and try to sort it out like grown ups.

Thanks everybody.
Think Im more baffled as to why shes even still in contact with him given that hes made his intentions clear,despite being married. There are plenty of alternative tradesmen in the area,why choose to voluntarily contact the inappropriate one ? Also that his inappropriate behavoir has gone completely un-punished,as gf didn't rebuff him or speak to his Wife about it,almost suggesting o both of them that shes still keeping it as an option.

Maybe she feels guilty asking you to do it. You didn't take the initiative and get it done, so she might (unfairly) believe your offer was just kindness. It can be quite hard to ask outright for help, and it sounds like he was quite clear in setting a time he'd be over to do it as opposed to waiting for her to actually request it. This would explain why she's been asking for so much advice, it's hinting.

Sometimes people see the best in people regardless of the situation, because that's in their nature - if she's quite trusting in general, that's likely to fit her. Don't worry, she won't cheat - people who've been cheated on rarely want to do that damage to someone else. Just go see her this weekend and have a good time, move on and maybe fix it for her straight away in future!

She should have blocked him and said the absolute minimum when passing.

Sounds like she hasn't because she's too easygoing and/or liked the free, convenient advice.

Most women won't report it to gf/wife because the gf will blame them (usually after being told they came onto him). It's messy, unpleasant, you'll be cast the wicked slapper and will do up neighbourly relations.

*fk up

So I don't blame her for not telling his partner.

Completely agree that telling his Wife would be counter-productive,but surely blocking him or at least not texting him regularly for advice should just be the standard procedure ? Even more so since we've been together two years now.

Even if she didn't want to be straight and tell him to piss off not blocking the number in favour of an ego massage is taking the piss imo.

Closetbeanmuncher, completely agree.
Add the fact that she still text`s him for advice and was even happy to invite him into her house completely blows my mind.

It`s a big City,call another Tradesman ffs....

Not unreasonable, I wouldn't want someone who has been pervy in my house. Careful about 'charging in' though, have a calm chat about it

I have had unwanted attention in the past as have many others, I assume. The last thing I would do is invite them round to my home.
It sounds iffy.
It doesn't mean she wants to sleep with him but I find it odd she wants him in her personal space.
Doubly odd that she initiated this when you could have carried out this task.

but surely blocking him or at least not texting him regularly for advice should just be the standard procedure ?

Yes, completely agree.
She shouldn't be contacting him or bringing him into her house. I haven't got a male brain and I still see it as encouragement - or at least - lack of discouragement; I mean he's a shameless, brass necked cheating chancer. People like him need a firm fk off, even if you don't use the actual words fk off.

What her actual thinking/feelings are ...??

Naivety, social conditioning, minimisation, convenience, ego stroking; haven't a clue.

She thinks that Im completely out of order for questioning her about it and doubting her. Ive asked her how she thought his Wife would feel about her inviting him into her house if she knew about the text

Actually why does she have his number? They're next door aren't they so seems unnecessary?

I agree with Frownette my question would be what is a woman in a relationship doing with a married next door neighbour`s mobile number? surely if she needs work doing around the house she would turn to you her man. I an civil with my neighbours ive known them for 15 years and I being a lone parent I have never asked any of them to fix anything for me.

I`ve asked her how she thought his Wife would feel about her inviting him into her house if she knew about the text

And what was her response?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think she's just completely minimising it,band doing so for convenience/lack of hassle. She wants to be able to continue to be on civil terms with her neighbours. However she could do that without giving him more work. Does she think he gives her special rates or something.

Your problem is now that you'll be cast as controlling and jealous if you insist that she cuts contact or never used him for advce/work.

It's not a great position you're being put on, if be re evaluating my commitment to the relationship of I were you. It's a little red flag.

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*I'd be