Naive girlfriend ? Or am I being unreasonable

[Specialized101]

Hi everybody,Im a guy who has been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now,were both late 40s,dont live together but see each-other every other day.
My gf has a married neighbour who has previously been inappropriate via text,suggesting that they should get together as he finds her attractive,gf didn't reply to his text,didnt tell his wife or blockl him,and has continued to be cordial and often asking his advice as he is a tradesman.This week she has needed a simple job done around the house which I have offered many times to do for her,but instead on Thursday she texted him again for his advice and he offered to come around on Friday and do the job for her for free,and she duly accepted his offer (she works from home so would be there alone with him).Ive taken exception to this,as its a really simple job that I could fix for her to a good standard,and given his history cannot understand why shes even still in contact with him.GFs marriage ended due to her husband having an affair,so I`m also a bit bewildered that gf didn't block neighbours number at the time,tell him to bugger off or better still tell his wife about the inappropriate text.Please help !

I have my married next door neighbour's number .... and his wife's ... so we can get hold of each other if there are any problems (intruders, parcels, keeping an eye out while on holiday). Thought this was pretty normal and much appreciated.
In the unlikely event of any inappropriate suggestions I'd brush them off and prioritise the neighbourly relationship.

I think YABU. She wouldn't have told you about the message if she was plannning an affair.

He hasn't said they're next door neighbours.

I agree that's it's v unlikely she'd have told pp about the text if she was interested in him in that way.

*op

These are grown ups not adolescences we are taking about, it is perfectly possible to carry on a reasonable working relationship with someone, even a neighbour, after you have rejected sexual advances. It happens all the time. There is no suggestion that he hasn’t got the message or that she has given him the wrong message, he hasn’t persisted with his advances. He made an error of judgment, she didn’t encourage him. They are neighbours why shouldn’t she have his number?
OP you are making a massive issue out of nothing but your own imagination.

She is a game-player and she's keeping him around for triangulation purposes - she is going to use him to keep you on your toes, OP.

It gives her a nice reason to be angry when you are perfectly normally upset at this behaviour. I suspect if you look back over your 2 years, there are other times when she's pulled this sort of stunt for an ego-stroke, to get you to step up your game or whatever.

it is perfectly possible to carry on a reasonable working relationship with someone, even a neighbour, after you have rejected sexual advances. It happens all the time.

The type of bloke who's trying it on with neighbours behind his wife/partner's back .. I don't agree. If he was reasonable they wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. He's likely to take anything other than a fk off, you cretin as "still a possibility".

Sounds like her boundaries are out . She needs to be consistent.

That sort of dude tends to think that (underneath what she says) every woman's 'up for it', he just needs to keep at it/come at the right angle.

They aren't immediate neighbours,he lives in the same cul-de-sac behind her house with a road in-between them.
What I don't get is that she's massively scarred from infidelity,but she's accepted a married man's creepy advances without being repulsed,and is still comfortable having contact with him, including inviting him into her home to do simple work I've offered to do for her,many times.

Surely to him he must see this as affirmination of his advances,rather than the humiliation that he deserves ?
Anybody with integrity would at least just block him and use somebody else next time,surely ?

@Moralitym1n1 I know the sort. And they all seem to think they're dazzlingly attractive even if they're singularly not basically repulsive

Diddlysquat but it's a big city,why not just call somebody else instead ?
How would his Wife feel if she knew,and if it's acceptable presumably she'll be fine if I pop around and enlighten her ?
Maybe I'll try it on with her if he's out then,what's the worse that could happen....

How long ago was his text?

She may welcome the attention if her confidence was knocked by the infidelity.

Personally, yes, I'd have cut all contact, and she may well end up seeing herself in a situation she didn't ask for, even though she may end up feeling guilty for asking him in.

Not sure you can do anything about it, as she'll put it down to jealousy.

Maybe suggest she starts a NM thread and ask people about it? (NM not a typo, unless you want her to find this thread)

I wouldn't be happy about this. To get free help from someone married who's made inappropriate advances is sending the wrong messages. Also, why didn't she just accept your help!? If I offered to help my boyfriend and he took the help of a woman who fancied him instead I'd be really pissed off and would question our relationship!

Her marriage ended 10 years ago, she's been in a fair few relationships since then.
Creepy text was just before she met me 2 years ago, she's texted him occasionally for tradesmans advice since,including last Thursday and he was going to hers on Friday to 'paint her kitchen ceiling' lol

I must say if a married neighbour had been suggesting he should get together with me, the last thing I would do would be to invite him into my home for any purpose whatsoever. In fact, I'd be seriously tempted to tell his wife precisely what he was up to.

As the saying goes, No smoke without a fire

I doubt very much she's attracted to him or that anything would happen but she seems to be acting manipulatively and playing the 'little girl' who needs protecting and attention.

It's really disrespectful to his wife and you. I still wouldn't recommend bringing it up with her too much as she'll get obstinate/thrive on feeling like two men are fighting over her. Breezily announce the two of you should call round on the couple after the work is done to say thank you and see how she reacts!

I really do think she's being a shit about his wife though (you say the text was before you met her. Some men can be very crafty when they spot a vulnerable female)

Maybe she thinks if he hasn't said or done anything inappropriate since then that he's gotten the message. (And she seemed to doubt that he sent it to her on purpose/not by accident).

As to not wanting you to do the work; maybe she wants to keep some independence on that front. In a way it's good because she's not 'using' you.

People with low self esteem often use this kind of attention to prop themselves up. They have no intention on acting on it but knowing that someone, anyone, wants them that way makes them feel validated. They often struggle to nip these things in the bud Asa result.

Update - I've reminded her of the original text content as her defence was that it might not have been sent to her on purpose,and she now accepts that it obviously was meant for her as it suggests meeting him at the gate behind her house if she was up for it,and was sent to her phone.She'd apparently 'forgot' this info,conveniently,and only remembered it once I'd mentioned it to her (she told me of text soon after we got together)

How is she doing for money, OP? You say she could have called someone else, but he offered to do it for free. She might have known he would, hence she asked him. Yes, you offered too, but does she trust your work? He is a professional, so if he is willing to do it for free, she probably thinks that's a good deal.

As for the messages, how many times did he contact her inappropriately, and how long has she known him? If it was a one-off, and she's known him a while, or a long time had passed since, she may feel that it's irrelevant. You seem to think it's giving him the "green light". To me, you sound like the sort of guy who thinks that if a woman lets you but her a drink, she's basically agreeing to go home with you. The neighbour sounds like a creep/idiot, and although a lot of women would have stopped contact, others can get over it. It doesn't have to mean anything bad, and certainly isn't a "green light".

You're forgetting about the wife

Shes fine for money,and its only emusion-ing a small kitchen ceiling,certainly well within most peoples capabilities. Ive recently re-fitted out my camper-van for us,so she is very aware of my standard of work and what Im able to do. I work in a large company with more Women employees than Men,the difference is that Im aware of my boundaries and am careful to never cross them,free drinks or not.