What is this?

[LuckyCharm9]

NC from my usual username for obvious reasons, I will try and keep this as brief as I can.
I have a male colleague who Is also a friend, we became close over the past year or so.

He says we have a connection and is very flirty with me, we are with each other I guess. I will sometimes start work earlier (as required by my boss) and he will come in early too and come to chat/have coffee.
We take our breaks together at work, we have lots in common and he often talks of me being his work wife. He is very tactile with me and will often stand close behind me whilst talking.
We are both married, children etc. Is this more than friendship? Or am I overthinking it?

Do you text, phone each other outside of work hours?

Sounds like the start of an affair to me.

Back off now before you both ruin 2 families lives.

I would say its in dangour of becoming an emotional affair, if it isn't already.

Do you do or say anything which you would upset you if you thought of your husband doing those things with a colleague? There's your answer.

How would you feel if your dh was doing all these things with a woman at work and she called him her work husband?

This relationship is totally inappropriate, and I guarantee your other co-workers have noticed. You're playing with fire.

Thank you for all of the replies.

Yes, I suppose we do say things to each other that wouldn’t be great if our partners heard. I don’t think any of us are thinking about having an affair.

We have messaged each other before for a few weeks, but it stopped a while ago.

We work in separate departments and areas of the building so people would only see us sat together on break.

Those aren't the questions you're really asking, though, OP.

You're asking us to collude with your potentially destructive limerence by getting us to tell you what you want to hear, i.e. yes, he fancies you.

Please just be honest with yourself.

Would you behave the same way if your husband and his wife were standing with you? Would you send the same messages if they could read them at the time you were writing them?

I already know he does, so no I don’t need to hear it from anyone else.

I would never cheat on my husband, I think for both of us it’s just banter at work, we do chat about serious things too.

You literally asked in your op if this was friendship or something more, so yes, that was what you were asking.

The ‘banter’ is how so so many affairs start. It’s not new or unseen, hundreds of women and men have been the partners of people who just had ‘friendships’ at work that turned into an affair. Just cut off contact, go to work to you know... work?

Then what exactly are you asking if you already know the answer?

Come on, OP!

It's an emotional affair.

Stop it.

You will cause unimaginable pain and trust destruction to both the other spouses and also to the children. Don't kid yourself that your happiness will make the children happy and ok - they'll be bereft). The trust destruction will potentially follow those children into their future relationships will serious consequences.

Stop it now.

Look. I know collusion when I see it. I really do. You don't, it seems, but it's there nonetheless.

Go on. Have the affair. Is that what you want? Permission?

I don’t want to stop being friends with him, we’ve both had some rough times over the past year and so have been there for each other and I’d miss his friendship.
Nothing physical has happened between us.

Also:

🎵🎵🎵
Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone, and you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind and don't like what you find
There's something you should know, you've got a place to go
I used to say I and me, now it's us, now it's we
I used to say I and me, now it's us, now it's we
Ben most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to'
I'm sure they'd think again if they had a friend like Ben
A friend like Ben
(Like Ben)
Like Ben
🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

I am not rabid anti-affair. I'm probably somewhat more amoral than many.

What's irking me here is your inability to be honest with yourself.

Not sure why the song reference?

The kind of person who can maintain a platonic friendship with a man she's attracted to is not the kind of person who posts your OP.

AFistful I totally get what you are saying, I hadn’t really considered the term ‘emotional affair’. Seems I have to cut him off.

The song fits your post above pretty neatly, doesn't it? Friend. 🤔🤣

We work in separate departments and areas of the building so people would only see us sat together on break.

Your colleagues know.

Well you’re clearly not going to listen to reason. Good luck! Don’t cry when it all blows up in your face, which it will.

It won’t because I would never let anything physical happen.

It depends on what you want. If you want to avoid an affair, then the only way is to cut him off. I think you knew that already.