OP I have name changed for this.
So I was you. Except I stayed. He was obsessed that I was lying to him all the time.
Once he kicked off because he found a receipt for cigs on the floor in the hall. I told him I had no clue where it had come from. He said 'you bought them when you bought milk and coffee' I thought about it asked where receipt was got it and it wasnr for cigs. It was for petrol. I showed him and he cried. He was so sorry, told me he read it and he must be going mad because it definitely said cigs.
I would wake up to him going through my phone in the night, he linked my phone to my laptop so he could see where I was at all times. He parked outside work and saw 'me' leave. Chased me down the ring road, got up the side if the car and it wasnt me. It was a colleague with a very similar car.
He turned up at work and had to be escorted out.
We stopped having sex, a while before I ended it. He said it was proof I was having an affair. I told him I didnt want to have sex with someone who thought so little of me, I found his controlling attitude very un attractive and he made me feel scared and shit about myself.
He started counselling and seemed great. Then I noticed. He would mention what the counsellor had told him, what he told her. The counsellor generally put his mistrust of me down to something i had done in the past. I would then have to point out what he told her was complete bollocks. And he had left out all the stuff he had done that had pushed me away.
Then he started telling me he had learned that we needed to be completely open. The counsellor told him that was the only way. So he wanted to know everything, what time I got to work, who I spoke to, what about, every details of messages, wanted to look at my work laptop....basically I wasnt allowed any privacy. At all. He want to know everything that I spent, to the penny.
He didnt change. He just stopped accusing me of lying and having an affair. He pitched it as 'couples share everything and if you dont want to, the marriage wont survive'.
I clicked on quite soon that he had changed. Just changed his angle and made explains to leave. Unfortunately, before I had chance he went off the deep end. Attacked me and raped me. I had to flee with the kids. But couldnt immediately. I spent a few days in a daze. Then told my best friend, who he hated, and she was horrified and helped me plan.
I dropped them at school one morning, went for a coffee while he went to work, went in with my best friend and took everything important. Kids clothes, my clothes, kids computers, the dog (he told me if I left, I had to take the dog). Everything so we didnt have to go back.
I was lucky. My friend had room for us. Anything we didnt need every day went into storage. It was hard picking the kids up and telling them. When we had everything out I text him and told him we had gone.
I went to the police. Not enough evidence to prosecute, apparantly. He still got access to the kids. But as they are older now they opt to stay with me. When I handed the kids over he used to tell me he had seen me driving to this place or that. Turned out he was following me.
Anyway, 6 months after we split he met someone else and backed off. 12 weeks later he moved in with her and her kids.
I met someone else. Not to date, this man was just a friend for a year. The kids knew of him as he was part of the local sports team we went to watch. When the kids werent around he would spend time with me. He helped me move into our new home. My parents took the kids away so I could decorate and he helped.
Anyway 3 years later we are in a relationship. He knows the kids. But my house is mine and my kids, he lives 2 minutes away. My best friend lives 2 the either way. Exh split with his girlfriend and now lives alone. He did go through a period of following me, again. I clocked him once when I was with OH. I havent seen him since.
Life is bloody good. He doesnt pay for the kids, self employed so no point applying for it and I earn ok. I have a home. I have my kids and we are happy.
I know this is a long post. I wanted to share my story. I wanted to let you know you are right to go. You are right that people need to get out sooner or later.
And also exh did seem to maintain relationships with other people (though I have no idea why him and his girlfriend split up) but his obsession was definitely focused on me. He didnt think other people were lying to him. It was me. Like you I never cheated. I never even sent a flirty text. Every time he went through my phone he never found anything, even though I never deleted anything. But he was still obsessed.
I also wanted to let you know, its hard, but it's worth it. 