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Original poster

Don't know if I'm overreacting?

59 replies

Lostgirl90 · 05/06/2019 10:14

Hi everyone so I'm so nervous just writing this i have a bf who i love so much but I'm not sure if I'm over thinking this or what but recently he's been pressuring me for anal sex which i find so painful he begs and says please and he just keeps asking asking it was the time of the month for me again he asks and asks i give in but really in my head i didn't want to do it just wanted to please him sorry to go into detail but it begins and it was so painful it was taking my breath away i wanted him to go gentle but he said he was bored waiting i felt the tears in my eyes from the pain i just turned my head and hoped he'd finished soon he actually asked if i was enjoying it.... after i was bleeding a little i just feel like i was pressured into it it all feels a bit surreal to me i don't know what to think

OP posts:
category12 · 05/06/2019 10:29

Don't do it again.

Say to him when you're not in bed together: "I find anal unpleasant and painful, I don't want to do it again, don't ask me for it again."

If he argues or ever tries to get you to do it again, dump him.

PinaColadaPlease · 05/06/2019 10:34

You need to tell him it causes you pain not pleasure and you no longer wish to do it or want him to keep asking you to. If he doesn’t respect that then you shouldn’t be with him. What man wants to do something that knowingly hurts the person he is supposed to love.

Personally I think I would end it purely because he didn’t go gently when asked. It’s obvioulsy all about him no matter how much pain it causes you.

Holdthedamndoor · 05/06/2019 10:36

Any man who wants to do a sexual act that makes his partner feel uncomfortable, is painful or not enjoyable leave is not a man worth having.

Its sexual abuse.

Bluestitch · 05/06/2019 10:38

He is sexually abusive. Going on and on at you until you give in, then being 'too bored' to go gently and causing you pain. Why would he want you to be in pain and distress? Would you ever put your pleasure over his comfort? Would you cause him pain and bleeding just so you could orgasm? Of course you wouldn't. You deserve someone who treats you with the same respect. Please dump him.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 05/06/2019 10:40

How can he enjoy it knowing he's causing you pain? He doesn't love you, if he did he wouldn't do this. Next time he might just do it anyway if you say no, that would make him a rapist...are you going to take that risk?

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 05/06/2019 10:41

Buy a huge butt plug and say it's his turn.

Windmillwhirl · 05/06/2019 10:45

I'm so sorry you experienced that.

I couldn't be with a man that treated me as an object. It was clear you didn't want to do it and the fact he didn't even bother to go gently says it all. All he cared about was himself.

Is that the kind of man that you think deserves you?

Please think about leaving. He isn't going to suddenly stop pressuring you for anal sex. If anything, he will use the fact you've done it once as leverage to pressure you again.

He's horrible, I'm sorry.

Peachesandcream14 · 05/06/2019 10:52

Don't stay with a man like this. It's one thing wanting to try anal sex (probably influenced by the amount shown in very mainstream porn normalising it) but the fact he was only interested in his own pleasure, and was willing to inflict pain on you to do so is sick and twisted. I have had some pretty severe damage from rough anal sex when I was younger, please don't do it again and end up with permanent damage and scarring.

RantyAnty · 05/06/2019 10:57

LTB

He knew you didn't like it and found it painful but he didn't give a crap about your feelings at all and kept pestering you for it.

You may love him but he certainly doesn't love you.

When he went ahead and did it, he didn't give a toss about you at all while he was doing it. He had to have known he was hurting you and he didn't care. That's not love. That selfish and abuse.

Namechangeishard · 05/06/2019 10:58

he said he was bored waiting

JFC! This is horrific. It is bad enough that he pressured you into doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place but to then not even have enough care and consideration to not cause you physical pain is disgusting.

If you love him so much you want to stay with him (not sure why you would tbh) then you need to have a serious talk.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 05/06/2019 11:00

Turn on your heels and don't look back

Catapultaway · 05/06/2019 11:02

If its not for you, it's not for you. You need to be clear on what you like and what you don't. If he doesn't respect that then he's not worth it.
What did you say when he asked if you were enjoying it?

category12 · 05/06/2019 11:03

And how come he's happy to fuck you anally (risking shit happening and tearing) but scared of a little blood if you're on your period? Hmm (If it's you saying no to sex on your period, then you can say no to anal too, you know.)

Dvg · 05/06/2019 11:07

Sorry but your allowing yourself to be treated like an object.
No means no and if you don't want to do it then he shouldn't ask more than once.

If i was you i would tell him to NEVER ask to do anal again because it hurts, bleeding from down there is not normal it means he injured you.

Saffy101 · 05/06/2019 11:09

NO, JUST NO!!!

If this is hurting you and he still wants to do it he is very WRONG!

Tell him no, there is no argument, no discussion here. This is something that is physically hurting you. Actively upsetting you, so he OBVIOUSLY knows he is hurting you! AND you bled! Ask yourself, what sort of man would enjoy that??? Do you want to be with that sort of man?

Tell him straight, it is not happening again.

There is no way that a man who loves you would want to do this if it hurts you. It is so difficult when you feel you have found someone good - but you haven't, he does not care!!! Leave him asap.

There are good men out there I promise you, who make love to lady in their life, and would be mortified if they thought they were causing them pain.

Original poster
Lostgirl90 · 05/06/2019 11:13

@category12 hi, yep he didn't want sex with me cause i was on my period (he doesnt like the blood) but did want anal i always stuck to saying no but with being pressured so much i just thought it would be much easier to give in one time

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 11:15

Anal sex is shit, no pun intended.
At very best it feels of nothing really, a d at worst it's really painful.

Ask him to shove a dildo up his arse and see how he likes it. We don't have anything up there to make it feel good, not long he the clitoris/g spot inside the vagina.

It's actually a perversion, unnatural - it's an OUT hole, not in IN hole. A perversion that's been made mainstream by porn. What he needs to remember is that women in porn are being paid to do it. (And probably exploited/abused but that's a whole other subject).

I really really don't like how he pressured and nagged you into it, and I really don't like how he didn't stop/wait when you weren't comfortable. Seems like he only cares about himself.

Seriously I think you should get rid of him full stop but if you don't, just doesn't not ever let him pressure you into it.

ilikepurple · 05/06/2019 11:15

Explain to him how it's made you feel, it's painful and you won't be doing it again.

Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 11:15
  • not like
Moralitym1n1 · 05/06/2019 11:16
  • don't ever let him
category12 · 05/06/2019 11:18

So he doesn't like blood but happy to make you bleed?

Tell him exactly the damage he's done and that it's off the table forever. If he's in the least bit difficult about accepting that, then ditch him.

Possibly ditch him anyway.

Bananalanacake · 05/06/2019 11:19

does he have male friends. he should try it wirh them as they have anuses too. well that's what I would say to a man who asked me for it.

Original poster
Lostgirl90 · 05/06/2019 11:20

Thanks so much for everyone's messages its eye opening for me i knew something was wrong after it i felt different its so upsetting he doesn't care about my feelings or not respect me I'm in two minds atm i don't know what to do 😔

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 05/06/2019 11:21

He doesn't love you.

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you need to be with them.

Get rid of him. Anyone who nags to get his own way, knowing you don't want it, needs to be removed from your life.

EL8888 · 05/06/2019 11:22

He basically sexually assaulted you, you are not being unreasonable. He sounds selfish and nasty to me, knowing you don't like it and in discomfort but still did it anyway. I am guessing he is selfish and nasty in other areas of your relationship