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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am mortified - incident this morning

82 replies

TashieWoo · 03/06/2019 07:13

Firstly I am NOT a poo troll.

My boyfriend who I have been with for 18 months stayed over last night and we went out for a drink with a couple whose wedding we are going to next weekend. All very nice... he woke up a bit hungover but I’m ok, I didn’t have much. He has to leave for work at 6.30 and I don’t leave until 8 so I make coffee when he’s in the shower and bring it up, we’re having coffee and my stomach starts making funny noises so I make my excuses and practically run downstairs and luckily I can hold it until I get to the loo, then my stomach basically explodes Blush. I cleaned myself up and go upstairs and just said... I need to get into the shower and I’m sorry, please can you see yourself out, he was leaving then anyway. I didn’t want him to touch me as I felt dirty... I’ve just messaged him to explain the situation delicately.

I’m just so embarrassed and scared he won’t be attracted to me anymore, the girl who had explosive diarrhoea. So ashamed. I don’t know why I’m posting, for reassurance I guess. He would have smelt it on his way out.

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 03/06/2019 10:00

You don't think a grown man has ever had diarrhoea? Why would he be turned off if you are sick? Do you think he expects you to just be a pretty showpiece.Hmm

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 03/06/2019 10:02

I had followed through in my sleep the other week. I've been with dh for over 20 years and I was so embarrassed I actually cried. Never ever happened before. BlushBlushBlush

Rainbowknickers · 03/06/2019 10:05

Chill sweetheart-my brothers girlfriend had the same once
Only she had no warning at all and it happened on the bed!
While they where both in it!
Just as my mother knocked and walked in
They stripped the bed,washed the sheets and never spoke of it again
She’s been married to my brother for almost 7 years now

user1479305498 · 03/06/2019 10:06

What you need OP is amoebic dysentry in Egypt with you, partner and a 10 year old and 1 bathroom for days on end, that soon cures any mystery!! Seriously please don’t get anxious, if anyone ‘went off you’ because of that you wouldn’t want to be with them anyway

popsuey · 03/06/2019 10:08

It sounds from your update like you've had this bad stomach before recently? You should see your GP if this is a recurrent thing as could be IBS (I have that and even one drink the night before followed by a strong coffee = explosive shits). You can also get shivery and shaky with IBS, but you need to talk to your doc to see if it is something like that. Caffeine and alcohol are usually no nos with IBS or any stomach issue pretty much.

In a longer term relationship you're going to see each other at some point throw-up, have explosive poos and he'll have Noro and spend the night with it coming out of both ends lying on the bathroom floor! It aint pretty but no one cares if you love each other. Honestly it's part of life. We just went through a family bout of Norovirus with one bathroom between us so you don't want to imagine what that was like.

75Renarde · 03/06/2019 10:15

My God. This reminds me of my two days of hell with the norovirus.

Work ok. Picked toddler DD up from Ps. Got her down and had a lie down. Did not feel right. Juuusstt about made it to the toilet. Toilet is separate to bathroom.

Had one explosive session on bog. Move nextdoor to wash hands. Long story short, end up entirely naked on floor, on knees with it explosively streaming both ends.

Took me weeks of work with many cotton buds 'Cleansing' the tongue and groove...

Quite why I didn't get in the bath remains one of the universe's greatest mysteries to this day.!

Lweji · 03/06/2019 10:16

If by any chance he is put off by something like that, he's not the long term partner you deserve.
We all have bad days. Days where shit (literally or figuratively) happens to us.
You want a partner who stays with you no matter what.

This is a test of him, not you.

LittleLongDog · 03/06/2019 10:20

OP please don’t go to work if you have a bug - you don’t want to pass it on to everyone else!

Uuummmm · 03/06/2019 10:37

Oh goodness, everyone has bowel issues at some point!! My now DH and I both had a few embarrassing moments early on. And I’ve since sharted around him numerous times. It’s normal! (Well, maybe not the sharting...)

Gilead · 03/06/2019 10:39

I shit myself most days. I have uncontrolled colitis. If you've been together a while then it really shouldn't matter too much.
Hope you feel better soon. Flowers

FinallyHere · 03/06/2019 10:40

Another voice adding to the unanimous chorus that this is no big deal. I'd actually see it as a step in your relationship. You are getting to know each other and can accept that you are both at one level animals who have the bodily functions.

It is a good sign when you trust each other around bodily functions.

For what it is worth, I went on holiday with now DH. just a few weeks into our actual relationship. For the first couple of days I just could not bring myself to use the loo properly. Until I just could not wait any longer ...We laugh about that now, secure in our nearly thirty year relationship. He is a grown up and knows that girls are not just made of sugar and spice and all things nice.

As OP asked, how would you have reacted if it had happened to him ? If you would have been, in your words, found it disgusting there may be something there for you to unpack. All the best

ps do not go into work if you still have what is called a 'dodgy tummy'

FinallyHere · 03/06/2019 10:43

Or as @Lweji said in one sentence

This is a test of him, not you.

NoSauce · 03/06/2019 11:02

Unless he’s a grade A twat then he won’t care OP. We’re all human and sometimes have accidents. Honestly put this out of your mind now.

MirandaGoshawk · 03/06/2019 11:03

You're wondering why your stomach reacted like that? Could be the coffee - I don't have coffee if I'm off out because I know that half an hour later I will have an 'explosion'. I have heard of this happening with fruit, too - half a packet of dried apricots and Whump! Splat! (A friend - not me!)

So your stomach was a bit sensitive - listen and learn!

dontgobaconmyheart · 03/06/2019 11:35

Sorry OP but I think this is an overreaction. I understand it can be embarrassing and people get anxiety about it but realistically the biggest scene/oddest thing about this was you kicking him out and texting about it, because you did a no.2 in the lavatory, in your own home.

Could you not have just hopped in the shower? I think if you have sex realistically he is seeing and smelling bodily secretions of all sorts pretty regularly (as all of us do) and obviously has had loose bowel movements in his own life. Just because you are extremely anxious and feel upright about it doesn't mean he thinks what you think at the end of the day. He may not be bothered. I would be more bothered about being curly booted out withour explanation when I was in a relationship and staying over!

I have a bowel disease so am often forever on the toilet or worse- I'm not going to forego a relationship in order to pretend I don't. Do see a GP about this if it's a recurring issue for you though perhaps you areintolerant to something you ate or drank at the wedding, or have IBS. Flowers

Mrsmummy90 · 03/06/2019 11:44

By 18 months in with Dh, he knew all my poo habits 😂 don't worry

1moremum · 03/06/2019 12:25

My story about horrible diarrhea and my boyfriend and our wedding.

By 1moremom

On the Monday I came home from work with what must have been food poisoning. I had got to work, walked in the door and stood there sort of out of it, my boss said 'you look terrible!" I said, 'I feel terrible' and turned around and left. I don't remember driving home. I woke up hours later across the bed still in my winter coat. I shed it and as much else as I could as this is when the diarrhea hit. I spent the next few hours alternating between the toilet and the bathroom floor wrapped in my bathrobe. Boyfriend got home around 3:30, walked a mile as we'd just moved in together in a new place and he didn't have a car and couldn't drive mine. he saw how sick I was and ran the mile to the pharmacist and back to get the strongest OTC meds possible. Then he helped me to the car and went with me so I could sit miserably waiting in the drivers seat while he went into the after school and daycare to sign out my kids. He wasn't officially on the list so I had to send a note in, and the director at each place came out to confirm/add him to the list. At both places, the director came out to confirm my intentions. Then we went home, I passed out on the bed and he was suddenly more immersed in new daddy duties than he ever had been.

Tuesday the littlest stayed home with me so I didn't have to drive and boyfriend tried to walk the oldest to school. She was all distressed over our move and his moving in and me being sick, and threw a fit on the front sidewalk because she couldn't stay home too, but nice new next door neighbor sort of knew us from previous year school events and stepped in to help calm her and get her to school, and promised to go get her later too. So at this point, boyfriend, the directors and teachers of the afterschool and daycare and the next door neighbor aaaallllll know I have a terrible case of explosive and unending diarrhea. I was too sick to even be mortified.

Wednesday morning I felt alive again. Marriage licenses in the US can be purchased up to X months in advance. We had done that a while back but as everyone I was related to was too broke and/or too far away, and everyone he was related to was overseas, we had given up on even the cheapest of weddings. The week before we had planned to go to the courthouse before our moving in together on the weekend, but the couple who was going to stand up with us had an emergency arise, so we had said we'd go this week. No worries, right? Wednesday was the first day we even remembered that. We remembered because we read in the paper that the county offices were going to be closed on Thursday and Friday. So, we either needed to get married that very day, or the next Monday or we would have to start over. We called the friends. They couldn't that day with no notice, and no, they couldn't on Monday because I don't remember why. We called other friends, their kids had chicken pox so they couldn't come that day or likely not Monday. We took a chance and called my brothers who lived two hours away: both their cars were too crap to try to drive that far and their cars wouldn't improve by Monday. This is in the US, so there weren't trains at all or time for the intercity bus.

So, we all put on our best clothes and went to the courthouse prepared to simply allow employees or another couple in line to be our witnesses. the whole thing was a formality needed to begin changing his visa status so trying to make an event of it had only been because it's sort of expected, we regretted not just getting married the day we got the license. In the end, we had a stranger and my 7 year old daughter, who had demonstrated she could sign her entire name in cursive and the clerk said that was all that was required.

Then the 4 of us went to dinner. In the middle of dinner, my new husband said he felt terrible and I told him he looked terrible, and I paid for the meal while they wrapped it all up to take home. I had to hold him up on the walk to the car and we barely made it home before he was as sick as I was on Monday. By Saturday, the children were ill as well.

Bizarrely, on our first wedding anniversary we jointly had the flu. We both had colds on our second. It's been decades now, but we still start getting very health and safety minded the week before our anniversary, lots of hand washing and Dettol spraying. So romantic.

Thatsnotmyotter · 03/06/2019 13:34

I’ve just remembered another pooing incident... I spent an entire day (the last of a 4 day hiking expedition) explosively pooing every 20 minutes or less. Mostly in bushes although there weren’t always bushes there! It was AWFUL and I was massively dehydrated and unwell but I insisted on finishing and walking the last 20 (of 100) miles. DH says it is still one of the most impressive cases of self-induced suffering he has ever witnessed, and he is massively into endurance sports. At one point he said to me ‘stay here, try to stay conscious and try not to poo yourself, I will accept a 50% success rate’ as he raced off to buy emergency crisps and sports drinks. He told this story in graphic detail at our wedding.

Lovemusic33 · 03/06/2019 13:55

Coffee is a big trigger for me, if I drink coffee I get shakey and explosive. It does sound like ibs rather than a bug.

JovialNickname · 03/06/2019 14:02

Please don't worry OP - honestly men don't care about these things nearly as much as women! It won't even have registered to him (although I probably would have forgone the explanatory text!)

I will probably get flamed for this but VIPoo is fantastic stuff - you can thunder away in private and no one will ever know. I know it's generally a bit of a "gag gift" but it works really well!! Of course no you don't have to use it for a man, etc, but if it makes you feel better to relieve yourself freely safe in the knowledge that he will never be able to tell then why not. I really enjoy my VIPoos now Grin

TashieWoo · 03/06/2019 18:15

I have read the replies but haven’t been able to reply as been at work. Feel ok and no more accidents, just very very anxious (something I suffer with anyway). He is fine about it and told me not to be silly when I said I was worried he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore. Of course if the same happened to him I would feel awful for him and it wouldn’t put me off him at all. I am an insecure person and just as I begin to feel secure in our relationship this happened and I just feel so sad. He isn’t a twat at all so hopefully all will be ok. Thank you all again and Flowers for those with digestive problems.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 03/06/2019 18:22

There’s no reason to be sad though Confused there’s nothing wrong here - he’s not bothered by it, you need to put this into perspective OP before it spirals.

prettyinpink23x · 03/06/2019 18:41

The same thing happened to me! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and we were meant to get a flight to spain about two weeks ago. In the early hours of the morning I had the worst stomach cramps and diarrhoea I was sweating and thought I was going to pass out on the toilet! I tried to come back discreetly into the bed but kept having to leave because I kept having to go. It was so bad I thought I wouldn't be able to fly. I eventually said to my boyfriend what was going on and he ended up cradling me with my clammy face and stomach cramps. I found it very embarrassing but actually I think you need things like that to happen in the relationship and I was better thankfully the next morning.

TashieWoo · 03/06/2019 19:55

Yes you’re right, it is a bit of a turning point for sure. I just need some reassurance from him that we are ok.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 03/06/2019 20:13

Of you're worried he's going to dump you because you did a poo then you really need to work on your anxieties.

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