I have found the perfect girl but she has a boyfriend - help

[Alexander1993]

I met a girl on Thursday at an event. I saw her looking at me and eventually I got talking to her. Asked her for a business card but she didn't have any so she gave me her number instead. She's new to my city so I said I would show her round. She asked me to go for a drink with her after the event and we did. We then arranged to do something together on Saturday (yesterday).

Saturday came and we met for drinks at 7pm. We had dinner in a fancy restaurant then went for a romantic walk then got more drinks at a bar. Our date ended at 1:30am.

We have the exact same sense of life and she's amazing and I think she really likes me too: she is so complimentary (compliments my appearance, intellect, self-esteem, ideas etc) and I have noticed that she often looks at my body.

However she mentioned that she has a boyfriend who she has been with for two years (he does not live in the same country as she and I) but described the past two years of her life as "chaotic" as she has been travelling the world and they don't always see each other.

She wants to do loads of different things with me - more restaurants, go to events together, for me to show her different things etc. The chemistry between us is unbelievable.

If she hadn't told me that she had a boyfriend, which confused me, I would have kissed her on our date. I didn't. I am seeing her tomorrow evening as I said I would take her along to an event and dinner I am going to.

What do you think is going on in her head? I will be asking her tomorrow evening as I am not going to waste my energy thinking about it nor will I allow myself to fall for someone who I won't end up with.

I must stress just how amazing our chemistry is -- especially intellectual. We have the exact same sense of life. I have been looking for this for so long. Could it be that she has a comfortable relationship with someone but she has found someone who is her ideal (i.e. me)? She may be my ideal.

I was very surprised when she told me she had a boyfriend. She also said that, when commenting on a conversation we were having, that her boyfriend would love the topic but that she is "glad he is not here". I of course would not want to partake in any cheating at all.

Any advice/comments are most welcome!

Well she’s not perfect is she?
She is cheating on her boyfriend

If she has a boyfriend then IMO she sounds like a bit of an asshole. Why is she dating and behaving in this way if she isn't single? Doesn't it concern you?

Ordinarily I would walk away but she and I have such great chemistry that it may be the case that she found someone better suited to her. I don't know. But this isn't normal and I need to talk to her tomorrow about it.

Three days. FFS.

Do you have a new "perfect girl" once a month? What happened to gym girl?

I think you should tell her how you feel and then leave it up to her. They've been together two years and it's apparently not going anywhere, they don't see each other often and don't live in the same country even. If she were that serous then she wouldn't be dallying with you and going on 'dates'.

You're both single. A boyfriend/girlfriend isn't engaged/married.

Was it actually a date?
I've known a few people who travel a lot who are very people orientated and love meeting new people and doing things with them.

Also as a woman i'm not sure how common this is, but I have met a few guys in the past who are extremely similar to me in so many ways and I have zero interest in them romantically or sexually. I am attracted to people who are different to me, if someone is similar to me I see them as a friend.

she sounds like a tramp, my kinda woman

No. Gym girl was a mistake - my attraction was based on superficial things. Glad that was over.

All depends on whether or not she and her long distance boyfriend are in it for the long haul. They may not. She was honest with you. Just be a good friend for now, you've done nothing wrong so far.

@user1481840227, I would think so based on the fact but also how she behaved.

I've spoken to one of my friend's about this and if his fiance did anything like that he would dump her.

Walk away. She won't be the only person you'll ever make such a connection with. Your clearly interested in a relationship rather than friendship, and she's not available. It's as simple as that, nothing else to be done.

And if she would leave her bf for you, what's to say she won't leave you a few years down the line when somebody new and exciting comes up? Leave her alone, if she ends up single I'm sure she'll contact you.

You're * sorry autocorrect

Well if the chemistry was as great as you describe, she will have no problem dumping her bf for you.

If she doesn't want to, she's just another cheat - capable of lying and betraying the people who love her. You'd be on borrowed time until she found someone she made an even better connection with.

It’s a bit early to decide someone you met on Thursday is the perfect woman, especially if you have form for getting intense quickly. She has a boyfriend, I think you need to take a step back and consider if all these events and dinners you have planned are really a good idea.

Is it a "date" for her too or having dinner with a friend?
This will not end well. You'll either get friend zoned or she is cheating/ intending to cheat on her boyfriend.

@riotlady, sure but I have never had this almost instantaneous connection with someone. It is based on something too - not superficial looks or charm but sharing a sense of life which we talked about for hours and hours and hours. I'll let you know what happens.

I have no idea what “sense of life” means

Is this a wind up or are you a real 25/6 y.o. man asking the Mums for dating advice?

Either way, top giggles. 10/10. 🤣

Yes, it’s an amazing connection that nobody in the whole world has ever felt before and totally justifies any cheating
Or you just fancy each other and she’s a cheater

🙄

I'd say your self esteem and intellect isn't up to much to seeing as you're chasing someone already in a relationship.

All cheaters have amazing chemistry. It's how they get gullible people to fall for their cheating arses.

*She asked me to go for a drink with her after the event and we did. We then arranged to do something together on Saturday (yesterday).

Saturday came and we met for drinks at 7pm. We had dinner in a fancy restaurant then went for a romantic walk then got more drinks at a bar. Our date ended at 1:30am.*

Given that she then mentioned her boyfriend and gave you some information about him; I don't think she saw this as a date. It sounds like she's looking for company and thinks you can be platonic friends, and she's made sure there will be no confusion about whether there is romance by mentioning that she's taken.

I had this exact situation when I worked in a bank HQ. Men who would be absolutely convinced there was flirting and chemistry, and I'd be thinking we were chatting and networking and being friends. I always mentioned my partner to hold off any advances, too. Going for dinner and drinks in London can be romantic and date-like, or can just be friends!

Nothing you've said suggests she's behaved inappropriately (beyond being alone one on one for you in situations that could be misconstrued), just that you felt chemistry.

Leave her the fuck alone.

This is why men dont trust their women with other guys and why women dont trust their men with other women.

There is someone she is supposed to have a level of commitment with. If she wants to break that off then let her do so with dignity.

God I hate the thought of someone trying to interfere in a relationship. You have no idea what's going on with them.

Until she is single just keep a safe distance. Shes not you're to have at the moment.

Remember your last thread OP. You also had an incredible connection with this woman. Considering you have form for being so intense you might be wise to distance yourself from this woman and work on adopting a more relaxed attitude to dating.