New boyfriend and FB pic

[signal]

Am I being unreasonable?

Been with my boyfriend for 4months. He said at the start he won't do the FB thing with me because his ex can hack into his FB
4m down the line it's grating on me so I asked him and he said he's a private person and just doesn't wanna change his pic or associate with me on it and he's not a teenager and doesn't need to plaster it all over fb ?

What's his profile pic?? What do you want it to be?

Why can his ex hack it?? Why can't he change his password?

Grow up and stop caring about bloody FB

@otterturk, not living in the real world, probably not dating today and missing the point entirely but hey.

Honestly, after 4 months it really is OK for him to not want to broadcast your relationship.

I'd be freaked out the other way around.

It's not really about facebook is it though. It sounds like there is something unfinished or there is something being hid about ex, even if she can hack it what does it matter about a pic?

Married 20 years, my dh not even on fb.
Grow up!

DP and I never added each other on FB whilst we were dating.

Then at 6 months, we both deleted our profiles.

FB is not worth the drama. It's a shit place anyway that sucks all your self esteem away from you.

Ditch FB.

Do people read the op before commenting or not?

@FabledChinHair I don’t think they do! With fb threads there’s always a rush of superior people who don’t use fb and can’t wait to tell everyone that.
Despite the fact that in 99% of the cases the Facebook thing is always masking a bigger issue.

I didn’t add a guy i was seeing on Facebook once (years ago)... I told him I was private blah blah but honestly, I was seeing someone else!

@Hollowvictory 👏🏽👏🏽 bravo, have a medal

To me it would depend how he uses FB. 65 friends that are all family/old friends - it’s not a red flag. 700 friends including people he’s barely met, random old workmates and the milkman’s dog - red flag

So much rudeness on here. All you saying grow up to the OP, I doubt you'd be so rude in RL, there is no need for the nastiness.

I'd be suspicious OP.

I would not add a boyfriend of 4 months to my profile pic and IN A RELATIONSHIP status

I really value my privacy and can't stand people knowing my business

Plus my husband would hit the roof

because his ex can hack into his FB

Bollocks.

It could be true. I had an ex who hacked into my accounts (I changed passwords but it had been going on ages when I realised), watched my apartment comings and goings, monitored my online activity etc.

He was a horrible part of my life and when I realised what was going on I finished the relationship and vowed not to waste another minute of my life on him. So I didnt bother battling or phoning the police, I just got on with my things and decided his problem (and sadly his new girlfriend's) if that's what he wanted to do.

I stopped using all my forum usernames and turned the noise down on my social media accounts. That might seem like letting him win but I just didn't want to give it any oxygen. Plus I had met a new guy and just wanted to enjoy that drama free. We stayed off social media.

It might have looked suspect to my new boyfriend but I explained and he was fine with it. His reasoning was "I have you in real life, I don't need you on fb."

My advice is to ask your boyfriend what is really going on. If you're fully reassured by his response then draw a line and move on. If not, then just leave because four months should not mean this level of stress.

If you've been (smug) married for 20 years then you know nothing about dating in 2019, you would 100% care if a bf of 4 months wouldn't add you as a friend and didn't want to tag you in.

Couples profile pictures and "In a relationship" status is arguably too soon but FB friends and tagging you in on nights out is pretty basic and suggests something isn't quite right. It's the equivalent of never going on dates in the area he lives in and Not introducing you to friends in 1999.

Totally agree with last poster. FB is a very important signaller these days whether you "involve yourself" or not. If he doesn't want to add you, and has actively said that, he has other stuff going on.

Exactly. Posts saying "grow up' or my husband of 20 years isnt on fb are just OUT OF TOUCH.

I'm 49 but spent my forties dating (on and off, mostly off) but the world has changed since before facebook. Most people only joined fb 2007/08 so if you have been married since then, how can you feel so equipped to confidently declare that not adding a new gf isnt a red flag ?

It sounds a bit suss to me and whilst it’s perfectly reasonable to want to be cautious and not broadcast a new relationship just yet .. if he is almost denying your existence then I’d be smelling a rat ... the man I was with for 2.5 years never posted pics of us on fb and kept his single status which allowed him to chat up other women online . The woman he started pursueing on fb last year and who replaced me at Christmas has been kicked off Facebook as he started seeing someone else but I’ve heard he is still seeing her AND his new girlfriend 🙄

Have you met his friends and family?

Can't people have any kind of private life anymore? Five years into the best relationship of my life, we don't feel the need to do some ridiculous proclaiming about our personal lives, start reading about whatever friends are doing. Perhaps I am behind the times on this, but is this really that important?

I don't blame him, FB causes so many problems. I wish more people had a greater sense of privacy.

BlokeHereInPeace Five years into a relationship and four months in are completely different places, at four months you're usually moving from just dating into a relationship, it's not that easy to navigate, especially if your older with kids and ex's. My BF is also not keen on the "in as relationship" status thing but we're FB friends and tag each other into posts and comment.

The big question is do people know in RL ? Ie have you met his friends and family etc ? Have you been introduced as his girlfriend ?