Relationship just ended!! Stop me from texting him!!

[ohhahhh789]

So my relationship of 2 years ended 2 days ago. It was a difficult decision...based on the fact we want different things out of a relationship. We both were clear that we still love each other though and in many ways wanted to be together but given the differences in how we see our futures, we had to end it!! Help!! I'm heart broken and really struggling!! I can't leave my phone alone and want to text him so bad. I need help to not text him! Please stop me 😫

I just don't want to feel so consumed by him all the time

It will get easier, and this will happen much faster if you maintain NC and focus on yourself and things that are important to you.

His motivations don’t really matter: he didn’t treat you well, didn’t want a serious relationship with you, it’s over, and there would be no benefit to you or your DC in getting back together or maintaining contact.

Op it’s time to get angry

There you are with your lovely heart open, offering this man a life, and he’s so disconnected that he can’t commit?
You deserve someone who looks at you and all you can both hear isYES!

In the future you can have this, someone who is there for you, really able to do it.
Meanwhile ex will be pissing good love away being all “ooh I don’t think I can....”

Yes I know that there's no going back. I know that I deserve more than that. My urge to text him is about the instant relief of wanting to feel better and the tiny part of me that hopes he will say he has changed his mind. I know the latter is ridiculous though. Firstly if he did he would text me and secondly I've been through it all before with him.... separated for 4 months because he couldn't commit then he reached out to me saying he did want commitment so we got back together. Then 18 months later this is where I am!! I know I can never go there about but it doesn't stop that tiny part in your mind thinking crazy things at times!!

10 days and still NC. This is so hard.

Well done! Keep going. It does get easier

10 days is awesome OP.

My relationship of 6 months ended last night for the same reason as yours. And it also ended coldly.

I am totally heartbroken. I have texted him this morning with some questions. Then I have taken it hour by hour. I've had some amazing friends who have listened to me when I wanted to text and help me see why it was pointless. I am hating the thought of never seeing or speaking to him again.

But he didn't want to commit to a relationship with me and I deserve to find someone who does. If I make it 10 days I will feel so bloody proud of myself.

What have you done up until now to keep NC? What is making you wobble now? Remember he is free to contact you and hasn't

Keep at it. I feel proud of you and inspired by you 💪🏼

Not coldmum I was in exactly your shoes 2 years ago but we got back together 4 months later as he said that he was ready for commitment and really wanted me back etc....18 months down the line and we were no further forward. It had to end. I was feeling miserable and rejected. I would never have been happy.

I think what's made this slightly easier for me is that we sort of made the decision to split a month ago and then spent the next 4 weeks talking things through to make sure it was the right thing to do and to talk honestly about things we had never spoke about. It also answered a lot of questions that I had.

What's Keeping me going?

1. I ask my self what I want to achieve by contacting him. I remind my self that it won't achieve anything as I know we ca t get back together.

1. I remind myself how devastated I'll be if he doesn't respond.

1. I remind myself that he can text me but hasn't.

1. I tell myself that I'm hurting and that to message him whilst it's still raw... I may not be completely rational in how I'm thinking.

Don't get me wrong it hasn't been easy and I'm hurting like hell. I feel really lonely without him and still feel empty inside. I don't know how I'm going to face him not being part of my life in the future...it feels so final and cold but I can't really deal with that right now. I'll think about that once I've healed a bit more.

1. If you text him first he has won.

Imagine if he texts you first and you ignore him. (Assuming you haven't blocked).

ohhahhh I'm sorry he was no further along after 18 months. That seems cruel when you could have been totally over him by now if he'd not said he was ready.

Your reasons are great and I will come back here to remind myself why it's not a good idea to text him. I desperately want to. I miss him and our conversations so much. But we deserve better.

It's now been 2 weeks. I've been back at work today so thought I'd feel better as I'm busier but no it's been hard. Today at work I was busy so didn't give it much thought but after work it's been hard and I've been thinking of him a lot and checking if he's been online. I think it's because I started to settled into an adapted routine whilst I was off but now I'm back at work I haven't got a 'routine' that doesn't include him yet. On a Monday night (during this week of his shift pattern) I wouldn't usually see him but we would text quite a bit then see each other probably on Wednesday and Friday.
This is still so hard. I was soooo close to texting him earlier 😞

What can you do to prevent yourself from checking he is online? Can you delete him from those apps?

I probably absolute do that. I just don't think I can bring myself to do that yet 😞😞

Do it today.

I can't delete WhatsApp as I use it with too many people. If I delete his chat I can still see if he's I like when I search for him and I don't want to block him so not sure what to do 😞

You can turn off the thing on WhatsApp where you can see if people are online can't you?

Also- delete the conversation and don't search for him!

That would be the simplest thing to do lol. I have been a bit better to tonight but that's probably because I've been preoccupied with being locked out of my house and needing to retrieve some keys to get in!

How's it going @ohhahhh789 ?

Up and down. I've definitely been thinking of him less now that I'm back at work and also been busy keeping my house tidy and doing house viewings as my house has just come on the market but it's still hard and I found myself having a bit of a cry yesterday morning on the way to work. Can't remember what triggered it. It's his birthday coming up and we were due to go away for a few days so it might have been that as that's been on my mind.

You're allowed to be sad, you're grieving.

I got a bit sad yesterday when I saw a couple on a train leaning on each other and thought "ExBF, was really good to lean on. I miss that". Then I got a grip of myself. It's been 9 months for me!

The main thing is you've kept your dignity.

Just think if you'd split up two years ago you could be happy in a new relationship now. You don't want to be in the same position in two more years.
Short term pain for long term gain. It'll get easier but now forgive yourself for grieving. Allow yourself to wallow and hang on in there till it gets easier. Which it will.

The frustrating thing is that we did split up two years ago!! Two years ago in the 6th July we split, 6 months after we started seeing each other.... because he didn't want commitment!! 2 years later and I was still in the same position which is why it couldn't go on any longer 😞

Just been reading through your thread and wanted to join you. I've just split up with my partner of nearly 4 years because we want different things .. well, I don't really want a relationship at all, feel too restricted. Despite that I miss him a lot and need to stop myself going back to him. We've been getting back together and splitting up for years and I have to put an end to it.

I know I need to keep busy. I'm also going away to visit family for a few days which i hope will help.

How are you getting on?

Hi BatsyPatsy welcome to the thread!! I'm ok but it's hard!! I'm up and down!! I've been thinking of him a lot tonight and keep looking at my phone wishing he'd text and wondering what he's doing.... feeling quite a lone when I've been so used to having him there all this time and now he's not. I particularly felt like this when I had an offer in my house today!! I desperately wanted to text him and let him know because I know how please he will be for me.
It's been nearly 3 weeks now!! It feels like a lifetime!! How long has it been for you? X

It's only been a day for me. I keep checking he hasn't texted either .. even though I've set messenger to ignore his messages But we've broken up so many times, it has to stop. It's never going to work.