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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship just ended!! Stop me from texting him!!

102 replies

ohhahhh789 · 29/05/2019 15:20

So my relationship of 2 years ended 2 days ago. It was a difficult decision...based on the fact we want different things out of a relationship. We both were clear that we still love each other though and in many ways wanted to be together but given the differences in how we see our futures, we had to end it!! Help!! I'm heart broken and really struggling!! I can't leave my phone alone and want to text him so bad. I need help to not text him! Please stop me 😫

OP posts:
Jade74 · 30/05/2019 22:11

Everyone else’s replies are right . I have been going through a similar thing with a recent split where we decided we are too different and it won’t work long term . Have gone NC for 8 days it’s very hard but it gets easier with distractions and keeping yourself busy and as some people say a break may help both of you think more about what is right for you. In my book people rarely change and have to be very committed to accept help . You will get through it I know it’s hard too .

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 30/05/2019 22:14

I suppose partly why I'm thinking this is because when we split up last time he did make contact with me on my birthday and we did have a few occasional messages In between but we are in a different position to what we were then.

OP posts:
RagingWhoreBag · 30/05/2019 23:05

I suppose partly why I'm thinking this is because when we split up last time he did make contact with me on my birthday and we did have a few occasional messages In between

And you got back together so there was clearly unfinished business there.

Do you both a favour and don’t text him on his birthday. Leave him to celebrate in peace with his friends and family. If he misses you for a moment on that day and thinks “well it wouldn’t have hurt her to text me on my birthday” that’s a good thing in your favour. It means he actually gives a shit. But if you do text him he’ll just be reminded that you’re always there in the background, the nice person who will let him push those boundaries and swan back in with empty promises. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Just because you ended on good terms doesn’t mean you’re friends. Maybe this time next year you could be friends but not yet. For now you’re exes and there’s no need for exes to contact each other in this case.

Loopytiles · 31/05/2019 06:14

There is no “we”: there is you and him.

Having had some good times and an amicable breakup are not reasons to maintain any relationship / contact with him.

There would be little benefit to you in “friendly contact” with him, and this would very likely increase your pain and thoughts about him and your relationship. He was not and is not a friend - he was a boyfriend; he essentially rejected you; and you wanted a serious relationship with him - this was not reciprocated.

How old are you? Do you want DC? If, for example you’re in your 30s and want DC, all the more reason to stay no contact to move on.

Your time, attention and energy would be better used on your own interests and concerns - seeking a new and better relationship, enjoying being single, progressing your career, studies, friendships, projects, whatever!

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 31/05/2019 10:46

Day 4! It feels like ages!!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 31/05/2019 11:06

Gets easier. There is an avoiding contact thread somewhere on here.

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 01/06/2019 16:03

Day 5 and it's hard especially as I know that prior to our split this would be the weekend that we would spend together 😞

OP posts:
CatPunsFreakMeowt · 01/06/2019 16:13

Keep going. You’re doing so well!

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 01/06/2019 16:40

I can not believe it's only been 5 days!! It's because I've not been at work so the days don't pass as quick but I have found that not being at work does allow me the time to deal with my emotions where as when I'm at work they are just pushed to one side. I went to see my grandma today (whose losing the plot!!) she asked if I was still 'caughting'. I said no. She tutted and said 'oh well, doesn't look like we will get another wedding then!!' Cheers for that!! Makes me feel great that my life is being written off by my family at the age of 34!!

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 01/06/2019 16:50

I got lots of good advice here. It's been 8 months NC for me.

Share your strategies for not texting him? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3365869-share-your-strategies-for-not-texting-him

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 01/06/2019 21:00

Thanks tinsel angel. Just had a quick look though and there's some good advice. I'm massively struggling tonight. I logged on to messenger and saw he was online. That brought a tear to my eye as I pictured us both on our phones when we would normally be together at this point. I'm going to make a list of all the bad things to remind me of why the relationship ended.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 02/06/2019 12:35

So it's now day 6 and sunday again we would usually be together on this day in the month so it is hard. I'm so tempted to text him for that instant Relief but I know I can't. If he doesn't reply I'll feel worse. I keep reminding myself that he hasn't text me and also of the reasons why we split. I do still love him and I did want a relationship. I just have to remind myself that he couldn't give me what I wanted. This is so hard 😞😞

OP posts:
Littleheart5 · 02/06/2019 13:10

I’ve been there. I promise you it absolutely gets better. Excruciating at first, I felt like it was a physical pain. But time with no contact makes you see things more clearly. Also as much as you can try not to check when he is online x

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 02/06/2019 14:24

I actually blocked him off messenger so it wouldn't come up when he's online but it still does even if he's blocked!! I don't know how to make it go away!! We would usually communicate via WhatsApp but I know I'm the only one he uses WhatsApp to chat to so I've been checking WhatsApp to see when he's been online as in my mind if he is, it's to check into our chat and also see if I've been online (crazy I know!!) he hasn't been on now since Friday which makes me feel a bit rubbish but also it's keeping me from texting him as I think that he can't be thinking about me that much.

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 02/06/2019 15:05

You need to delete the app until the worst urges are over.

Loopytiles · 02/06/2019 17:02

Stay away from the app.

You’re still saying “we”.

And romanticising the break up. It wasn’t that he “couldn’t” give you what he wanted: he could have, but he didn’t want to.

TinselAngel · 02/06/2019 17:14

Have you made the list yet? If not, get to it! Mine was several pages, and I carried the notebook around in my bag for a few days so I could keep adding to the list as things occurred to me. Blush

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 02/06/2019 18:14

No haven't done a lot yet. I'll do it tonight in notes. I have got a mental list of a few of the main things though that I keep in my mind.

I know I'm saying 'we' however I am referring to past tense.... when me and him were a 'we'.

Yes I may sound like I'm romanticising the break up. It may have sounded like I don't see him as being in control of what he does...of course I do t see it like that. I do think that if he really did what to be with me then he would have done what's necessary to overcome the barriers such as his fear of commitment so I am fully aware that he clearly didn't want me that much.

OP posts:
SansaStarkofWinterfell · 02/06/2019 19:39

Just wanted to say your definitely not alone! I have just broken up with my boyfriend this Friday and it is so hard not to text when all I want is to make myself feel better. We also work at the same place so dreading going in work tomorrow and seeing him. Stay strong you are doing so well.

Butterfly1066 · 02/06/2019 23:03

Sorry haven't read it all but I have totally been there
I read a few books to distract me
Try it's called a break up because it's broken
It actually helped x

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 03/06/2019 07:56

It's now been a week!! 7 whole days!! God it's been harder but I've passed the most difficult days which were the weekend, especially 'this' weekend. Now I'm going on holiday today with my little boy. I'm determined to have a good time and not think about the ex but it's so hard!!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 03/06/2019 08:09

That’s good. Have a good holiday!

“Fear of commitment” isn’t a genuine barrier. It’s just emotional fuckwittery as the bridget jones author would say!

TinselAngel · 03/06/2019 08:10

Well done OP! Another week and you'll be over the worst of it.

Original poster
ohhahhh789 · 03/06/2019 08:11

He won't admit he has a fear of commitment. That's my conclusion, along with the fact that I obviously don't mean enough to him to do what's necessary to overcome it.

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 03/06/2019 08:11

And you're allowed to think about him. Just concentrate on not contacting him!

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