Being called Fat, Lazy, Cunt by husband

[Angel54321]

So I've been in a marriage for just over 2 years now & as all relationships there are always ups and downs.

OH and i are currently going through a really bad argument which started so small over me not waking him up for a date we had planned one sat afternoon. i didn't for the simple fact he is a 33 yr old man who stayed on the phone till 4am the night before to a friend without thinking he had a day planned with his wife despite already have woken up had breakfast and fell back to sleep. Or to have the decency to say please wake me up.

Fast forward a few weeks later of not talking much, me staying with a friend (because he became very aggressive in our home banging and swearing) to now be called a Fat, Lazy a scavenger who brings the worst out in him and wants a divorce. Says my mother in an anchor and i was never taught how to be a good wife. He also sent a TEXT to both our parents about wanting a text which has deeply hurt them. At this point i agreed and said i will await for the papers.

Fast forward a couple more weeks him still no sign of divorce being started but constant text messages requesting we meet at his parents to discuss things further but me refusing to go. We did eventually meet up near where i am a few days ago but it was very much how he felt. He is still unsure if he wants a divorce or not but still demands i own up to my part in this. Not very much remorse for the hurt i feel other than "Im sure we'll come to that shortly" we didn't as it got late. He voiced he felt bullied in the way i get upset over things, emotional and hormonal at times, it makes him feel like he has to walk on eggshells.

I never swear or insult him back i stay quiet or try and explain in a calm way. How does anyone over come something like this?

He hates you OP. Run

He sounds awful. What a relief he has left. I would seek legal advice tomorrow regarding commencing divorce proceedings. Block all calls etc. Ask your solicitor to specifically state that all contact is to be via them and you will not respond to him

And remember, he WILL NOT CHANGE, and you may think he will find someone else but IT WILL BE THE SAME WITH HER.

Get out now.

Your parents didn't teach you how to be a wife? He is aware it's 2019, right? Why didn't his parents teach him how to be a husband?

What an appalling way to speak to your DW. The fact that he used the 'C' word would make it that there was no coming back for me. I'm not sure what he means in saying your DM is an anchor but he doesn't sound like much of a catch to me.

It doesn't sound as if you have DC so nothing to bind you to him. I'd get rid of him.

No one ever deserves to be spoken to like that. The C word makes me so mad, especially when s man uses it against woman. Get rid. He's a drain.

What is 'a good wife?' And I'd be telling him his parents didn't raise a good husband either.

Imagine spending the rest of your life like this, where he is wrecking your head, gaslighting you and you're second-guessing everything he says. You'll be worrying 24/7 about your relationship and are you right or wrong in the latest argument, while your self esteem fades away to nothing. Imagine the stress of this going on all the time.
If you stay with him, that's what your life will be like.

You haven't any kids with him, don't you not?

Gtfo before you do. This ain't going to get any better.

The marriage isnt worth saving please get legal advice. Good luck

you start divorce proceedings. He is completely in control of this situation. You need to take back some control.

My god, what a prick.

As you can guess, I'm a man (oi oi, no jokes 😉) and I think his behaviour is totally unacceptable.

My fiancée n I do disagree (shock n horror) but I would NEVER dream of insulting her, or making strange claims n demands.

I agree with the others, D I V O R C E as the song goes 👍. You do not deserve to be treated in this way, and over what started as such a purple argument (for want of a better word). This is pure, chucking the toys out the pram job, and should be ignored.

I almost don't dare ask, but are you Irish or Asian? I ask due to the... "Didn't your mother teach you to be a decent wife", quote. As these are the only cultures I can think of that still carry this attitude (that I can think of right now), and that is soo old fashioned it's unbelievable, and has no place in modern living or modern attitudes.

Get in there first, and take half at least 😉

I'm normally the first one to come on and say, "give it another chance and ignore all the LTB mumsnetters" - but in this case, I think a divorce would be the smart option.

He sounds disgusting, he isn't going to change. He will clearly always put his big manly self first because you're the little wifey don't you know.

Lawyer up and get him out!

Out of interest, why is being an 'anchor' an insult? I thought that meant similar to being someone's rock..?

Please leave him. It will not get better.

He is still unsure if he wants a divorce or not
I would be telling him he doesn’t have a choice.
I feel sorry for you because your parents didn't teach you how to be a wife
No, they didn’t teach you to put up being an abused wife.
Stay strong.

I would struggle majorly with his lack of remorse and his skill of still turning it back on you. What is he like in general, does he act controlling in other ways in the relationship? And... Omg macblank Irish women are certainly not taught how to be a decent wife!! We’re taught to be independent and we even have careers after marriage!!!

Do you want a divorce? If not, is it because you love him, or because of others’ expectations? Why should either set of parents be involved? Are you in an arranged marriage?

If you believe your life will be better without him, then divorce. If you love him and don’t want to divorce then don’t. But his verbal abuse must stop. It will grind you down with time.

macblank
He is Asian.

wow it's so incredible how much support I feel from people I don't even know. Part of me is scared of all the memories, house, the things inside if it, pictures, wedding album, wedding outfit... I know there all material things but I guess it all holds a sense of sentimental value. I have an amazing family who fully support me but I guess just coming to terms with something you didnt ever want especially seeing the heart ache and pain my mother and father went through when they split up nearly 15 years ago.

All those night me and my husband spoke about things and how I felt how he felt and what we would to to always overcome and try to get through it all just replays in my head where is that love he showed in those deep conversations.. how could he think so little of me. I gave him nothing but love... I dont go out drinking, I dont hang out with any random person I'm a simple chilled relaxed women who enjoys walks in the park, cooking together shopping together, a few drinks at home with friends etc. I just xant understand what's changed him so much into this.

I know all the signs are there.. I just hope I can bring myself the courage to do this.

he is generally a good guy on day to day but the more I think about stuff I remember him saying I eat too loud or fast so I slowed down, or that I don't say hello in a happy way when i walk in the door so I started doing that too... I really try to do these things because I think it will make him happy.

It takes 2 people to make a marriage. 2 people who love and respect each other. You can't do it all on your own. You are trying to build a marriage and he is breaking it down (and trying to break you down too). What he is doing is abuse.

He is the problem here and not you.

You sound like a lovely person. You deserve to be treated so much better.

Say you stick it out with this man and you move on to have children. He could be so cruel to tgem if this is how he treats his wife. Or if you have children then divorce the children will be there to watch it all unfold.

Talk with someone close to you and get the support you need to help in choosing your options.

I was just going to say that I’m sure this isn’t an isolated incident and there must have been other occasions too then I saw your latest post.
It won’t ever get better. Best get out now.

Am I right in thinking his behavior changed after you got married or perhaps it just got worse since getting married? You sound as if your walking on eggshells and having the please him all the time. Not a good senario.

That amount of up and down is seriously nor normal in a healthy relationship.