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Original poster

Constantly Moody DP - don’t know if I can take it anymore

64 replies

Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 10:01

DP has a real knack for just spoiling any down time we have together as a family (we have a young DD) to the point that I can’t wait for him to go to work.

This weekend all he done was get in a pissy mood about everything. DD made a mess while eating (she is 8 months so obviously it’s a given) so gets annoyed.. muttering under his breathe about how the weekend is just getting worse (he does this a lot). Said to his mum is DD behaved like a normal baby we could go out to eat more, but because DD wont just sit like a lemon not making a sound or go to sleep she somehow isn’t normal. Or moaning about the mess in the kitchen, all that needed doing was a wipe down of the surfaces which I ended up doing. And ok yesterday he apologised for being moody, for the first time, but it’s a constant thing if we have time together.

I really just can’t stand him being around. Most of the time he spends watching tv or playing the Xbox anyway.. not helping clean up, nor interacting with DD and just critising. Even if he isn’t moody he is usually making fun of me and it’s just all very tiring, I’m at the point where I can’t even be bothered to have a conversation with him.

OP posts:
annie95 · 28/05/2019 10:10

This would drive me absolutely insane. Have you asked him why he's so moody all the time? Depression maybe?

Newbie7077 · 28/05/2019 10:12

I think the making fun of you bit is more concerning than anything, because if he is depressed, he might be moody but taking it out on you specifically is unacceptable

WhoKnewBeefStew · 28/05/2019 10:15

Oh dear OP, I was (note the was), married to a ‘fun sponge’ it doesn’t get any better I’m afraid and he was worse when we had dc as he was no longer the centre of the universe

Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 10:42

I did think depression, especially after DD was born, but I asked him and nope he isn’t.

If DD is content playing on the floor and he can take his eyes off her then he is fine.. but let’s face it she is a crawling 8 month old so it isn’t like you can just let her roam for a few hours without having to do much!! The more I expect of him the more he seems to moan and become moody, so if I ask him to change DD nappy or load the dishwasher he’ll get in a mood.. but if I do it all he’d he be perfectly happy. The under the breathe comments send me crazy, I’ll ask him what he said and what is wrong and all I’ll get is ‘Nothing’ or ‘it’s the same shit, just what’s the point’.

And yes the making fun of me gets me down, the constant misogynist jokes and the childish pocks of the ribs. Just all of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 10:45

@WhoKnewBeefStew, I couldn’t agree more since DD came along its like he can’t stand not being the centre of it all. The other day I had MIL telling me I now have two babies Hmm, well that is certainly news to me.

Btw DD was not planned.

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NabooThatsWho · 28/05/2019 10:49

Two babies? Ugh...you need a partner, a functioning, involved, caring partner. Not a moaning brat of a man.
Do you think he is capable of changing?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/05/2019 10:55

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What is the point of you and he actually being together now, he sounds like a petulant manchild.

What do you want to teach your DD about relationships and what is she learning here from the two of you?. Do you want her growing up thinking that yes this is how men treat women?.

I would ditch him and actually be on your own; better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied. He does this behaviour because he can and it works for him and he is really now dragging you and your DD down with him.

The responsibility for his mood is all his and his alone. This is who he is and he is not for changing. I would call his behaviour towards you emotionally abusive.

Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 13:28

I don’t think he’ll change, from the behaviour I observed of his father towards his mother over the weekend a lot of it has come from him. Nor do I want DD thinking that how he behaves is acceptable!

I should go it alone, I pretty much do everything for DD

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MitziK · 28/05/2019 13:31

The pokes in the ribs would be enough for me to sling him back to Mummy.

HollowTalk · 28/05/2019 13:33

You have a gorgeous baby and he should be protective of both of you, rather than muttering under his breath that a baby is acting like a baby.

Why not sit him down and say that the way he behaves makes you want to leave. It's up to him what happens - continue as he is and you'll go, or change and be part of the family.

BlingLoving · 28/05/2019 13:33

I think a lot of people grieve, for want of a better word, the life they had before they had a baby. If the baby was unplanned, and perhaps therefore unwanted to some extent, I can imagine this is worse. For women, who are literally left holding the baby, they find themselves with depression and struggling (I put myself in this category - it took a lone time to recover completely). For men, they just abdicate responsibility and/or become resentful land unpleasant.

So either he steps up and accepts this is life now. And together you work out what he/you need to make things bearable. Or he needs to leave so you can get on with it.

For example, DH, who was and is an amazing, involved dad, nonetheless quickly felt like he had lost all control (because of course, he had! Parenting is hard). So he took up running again and as a family, certain running slots were sacrosanct in our house. Ditto, I just desperately need to be ALONE sometimes. So he would make an effort to take DC out to softly or park or friend or whatever at certain times so I could have that. And even now, years later, these things have adapted but still exist.

Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 14:11

I’ve had words although not said I’d leave, so perhaps I’ll give that a shot.

It’s even things like getting moody if we are out and I need to breastfeed. Just very off with it, almost angry. I always get the feeling he rather I didn’t breastfeed at all.

OP posts:
MitziK · 28/05/2019 14:27

I expect he's jealous that the baby gets your boobs rather than him. After all, Mummy's told you very clearly that he's your baby - how dare an infant want access to 'his' New Mummy's boobs?

I doubt threatening to leave will work - it'll be taken as bad New Mummy threatening to not love her baby boy anymore.

Actually leaving, though - that'll help.

Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 15:55

You’re probably right @MitziK, he has asked when he is getting his boobs back before.. you can imagine my reply. But I just thought ok he had got to be taking the piss.

Thing is with the bfing when out in public I don’t feel anxious or uncomfortable etc but if DP is there i do, I’ll just pick up on his mood or he’ll make a comment like ‘really?!’ And it just puts me in a place where I want to stop bfing, just an uneasy feeling.

Should just get rid and have some peace

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Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 16:02

Plus there is the everything has to be his way, if it isn’t then comes the pouting.

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Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 20:24

And today he comes home being all sweet and helpful. Literally like Jekyll and Hyde.

OP posts:
Foolsandhorses · 28/05/2019 20:33

Have we got the same partner!???... mines officially my ex now split up with him a couple off weeks ago been with him for nearly four years ... I have a dd from a previous relationship she is 6 and please let me tell you it does not got easy and they won’t change it just gets worse and made my life unbearable.... in the end he controlled everything... my daughter couldn’t stand him and I thought sod this we can’t live like this anymore!! He would constantly dig at me and moan all the time .... he would walk in one room in a good mood then walk back out with the jump for no poxy reason .... get out while your dd young!!

Foolsandhorses · 28/05/2019 20:34

*hump

palahvah · 28/05/2019 20:36

Doesn't sound like you should be the one to move (unless you have helpful that you would move in with). He can move out himself.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/05/2019 20:38

Jesus, run a mile. He is a vile, disgusting man child. "His" boobs? I would have left him when he said that alone. That very clearly tells you how he really feels about you.

Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 21:35

He wouldn’t move out so it would have to be me and DD, which is fine because I’ll move closer to my family.. current we are ten minutes from his family and over an hour from mine.

@Aqua, I would have left too but at the time DD was really young, i didn’t get any help from ‘D’P. Really i should have left before she was born.

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Aquamarine1029 · 28/05/2019 21:49

Op, if I were you, I would leave tomorrow if possible. Just get out of this nightmare. Do you work? Could you get your own place right away or could you stay with family for a short time in order to find a place?

Original poster
Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 22:14

I am on maternity leave, I could stay with family.. as I definitely couldn’t imagine this being mine and DDs life in ten years

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Aquamarine1029 · 28/05/2019 22:17

I say take the leap and set yourself free. It will be an adjustment for a time, but you are VERY clearly an intelligent, motivated woman. Think about how much happier you will be in just a year from now. Actually, you'll be happier the second you get away from him!

Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 11:16

You’re right @Aqua, but then he does one thing that he should do anyway and I feel like I should try harder.. which I have, logically I know that it’s just the feeling I have. Obviously is a toxic relationship and I don’t want this for my DD more so than myself.

It’s just how I’ll ask him to do something he’ll say oh can’t you do it and when I say no and push the matter he’ll laugh and say he was just joking. Without the laugh too! Just so draining.

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