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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Constantly Moody DP - don’t know if I can take it anymore

64 replies

Littlegemz · 28/05/2019 10:01

DP has a real knack for just spoiling any down time we have together as a family (we have a young DD) to the point that I can’t wait for him to go to work.

This weekend all he done was get in a pissy mood about everything. DD made a mess while eating (she is 8 months so obviously it’s a given) so gets annoyed.. muttering under his breathe about how the weekend is just getting worse (he does this a lot). Said to his mum is DD behaved like a normal baby we could go out to eat more, but because DD wont just sit like a lemon not making a sound or go to sleep she somehow isn’t normal. Or moaning about the mess in the kitchen, all that needed doing was a wipe down of the surfaces which I ended up doing. And ok yesterday he apologised for being moody, for the first time, but it’s a constant thing if we have time together.

I really just can’t stand him being around. Most of the time he spends watching tv or playing the Xbox anyway.. not helping clean up, nor interacting with DD and just critising. Even if he isn’t moody he is usually making fun of me and it’s just all very tiring, I’m at the point where I can’t even be bothered to have a conversation with him.

OP posts:
poweroverme · 29/05/2019 11:23

OP next time he does that wind up crap, just day ' for fucksake your hard work and really are a child like your mother said, which isn't sexy or what I sign up for.' And leave.
The way you describe how he is with the lo is disgusting and really pissed me off.

chilling19 · 29/05/2019 14:22

He is sulking because his child free life is over. The question is, can he adapt? I would sit him down and bring it into the open and see what he says. Also you could try counselling. It is worth a shot at getting it all out in the table, and he may step up. A new baby does mean the party is over, and most people find it hard to adjust. Give him a chance to do so. If he doesn't then your decision will be made for you. Good luck.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 29/05/2019 14:32

He sounds soul destroying.. and as for the breastfeeding feeding, I think this would be a deal breaker for me...

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 29/05/2019 18:18

Just leave, if you are doing it all anyway what the fuck is the point of him?
Perfect oppprtunity to move closer to your family with the baby, all the love and support they will give you both is priceless, I would do it in a heartbeat. Good luck, op.Flowers

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 18:21

You’re probably right @MitziK, he has asked when he is getting his boobs back

He fecking what?!

Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 18:56

Thing is I have had very serious conversations with him about how he doesn’t listen to me when I ask him not to do things, stuff like the poking or the groping of the boobs. It stops he improves for a couple of days then slowly reverts! It’s draining, I’m sure it’s killed any love I did have for him.

OP posts:
BuildBuildings · 29/05/2019 19:04

He sounds like a stroppy child. Do you really want another child to take care of?

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 19:10

When he gropes your boobs, have you thought about kneeing him very hard in the balls? Maybe that would stick in his memory. . .

Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 19:14

@mbosnz, that’s right, or his persistent comments about anal or anything sexual. I could be giving DD a yoghurt ang he’d say wait till I cover you in my yoghurt. Such bottom draw rubbish.

@Ruddy, I would but it’s days like today where i see my SIL, she has two kids and BIL but somehow manages to put up with it. BIL can be childish at times but not as much as DP I don’t think, however it does make me question if I just expect too much from him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 19:15

@mbosnz, I went to punch him in the balls this morning.. he just found it funny. Then I realised a) DD was watching b) physically hurting him wouldn’t it make me just as bad !?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 29/05/2019 19:20

Christ on a crutch littlegemz, you are a very restrained, mature, enlightened person. Way more than me.

Get rid. Please. You deserve so much more.

(Not punching, KNEEING. So fucking hard he will be sucking on the carpet for quite some time. And no. You won't be as bad as him. Because he is assaulting you, and you are acting in self defence. But I totally get what you mean about DD being there. Of course, she is witnessing you being victimised, in the mean time.).

Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 20:10

@mbosnz thank you but I don’t know about that, if I had more balls like you I’d be long gone.

Funnily enough if he had met the old Gem he would have definitely had a knee to the balls, i mellowed out at some point and even more so after having DD. Growing up it was constant arguing between my parents, well more my mum shouting at my dad (And rightfully so I now realise), but that anxiety it filled me with I never want DD to experience but in doing that I’m letting her see her father bully me. Gosh reading that back makes me sad

OP posts:
PenguinWings · 29/05/2019 20:38

A good thing about leaving now is that your DD won't know any different. I stayed with my moody petulant DH and now the DCs are 3 and 7 so it's going to be much harder on them when I leave him.

Closetbeanmuncher · 29/05/2019 20:58

I'm cringing reading this and threw up a bit into my mouth at the "wait until I cover you in my yogurt" bit.....

From your description i couldnt picture a less sexually unnapealing man.

Bin him off OP before he starts asking for "bitty" 🤢😂

Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 21:24

Omg @Closet, I just lol’d at your comment about bitty but then also 🤢 is a good emoji! Oh I’m so sexually put off my him I thought I lost my sex drive all together, now I realise it isn’t me. But you imagine that comment been bad now imagine pretty much most comments that come out of his mouth are like that or worse.. and constant.

@Penguin, oh no, I take it the time spent with him didn’t change your mind on if you could be with such a man. I think in my mind I’m almost like maybe I can convince myself it’s ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlegemz · 29/05/2019 23:08

Ah and the childish anti of waiting for me to come out the bathroom so he can jump out and scare me or bragging about how he once sent a photo of his shit (actual shit) to his brother as he had left it in the toilet for his mummy to find. Found this one out today, FIL, BIL and ‘D’P all amused 🤢

OP posts:
Notmorewashing · 30/05/2019 06:46

Get rid. That yoghurt comment is disgusting let alone in front of your daughter. Live a nice life without his abuse and don’t let your daughter think this is normal.

BlingLoving · 30/05/2019 07:39

It's pretty clear that he's feeling displaced by the baby. Unfortunately, instead of handling it like a grown up, he's become a sulky teenager, inappropriate comments and sex-obsessed and all. It sounds like you've tried to talk to him. And he doesn't get it. And it also sounds like you are just exhausted from having this man child around your house - huffing and puffing and complaining when the baby needs something and he can't live his lovely casual free life before but simultaneously expecting you to be permanently turned on by him, ready and available for sex.

At the very least, I think you should leave for a little while. see how it feels not to have him groping you and whining all day. And perhaps that might actually get through his head that you're serious and can't live like this anymore.

This assumes, of course, that you had a good relationship before DD and you actually think it's worth seeing if you can get past this.

Original poster
Littlegemz · 30/05/2019 09:57

@BlingLoving, I suggested counselling to him a few months ago he said we could go BUT that he doesn’t want to speak to a stranger about our issues and prefers we resolved it ourselves. However you are right there were problems before I fell pregnant, mainly his selfishness and lack of commitment. I was going to call it off but then found out I was pregnant. I truly am exhausted, of him not listening to me, his moodiness, the wind up act, not helping or taking initiative especially when it comes to DD. In the past two weeks he had done 1 nappy, fed her once while paying more attention to the tv and not bathed or get her ready at all. I mean if I push him enough to do it he will but again it’s the energy all of that takes.

This morning he said ‘are you going to nosh me off blud’, so I done what a previous poster said to do and told him that these comments are inappropriate, that they need to stop and if it’s intimacy he wants those moments are a way of ensuring it doesn’t happen. All I get back is why are you being moody. Not even like he was particularly nice to me during pregnancy.. he wouldn’t tidy up and on my due date wanted me to go out and get bread in the pouring rain for breakfast because he always had to go get the bed, funny as I was always the cook. Stupidly I went and got the bread in tears, but I just needed to get out.. I should have just got in the car and gone to my mums.

OP posts:
Mary1935 · 30/05/2019 11:38

Your life is hard work with him and it isn’t going to get easier.
He’s a misogynist- he views the housework as your job. That’s why he won’t do anything. He’s feels entitled. He’s a dick.
You need to leave him - even for a couple of weeks. He may have a wake up call but I’m doubtful.
Have you been able to suss his views on women.
What was his childhood like - if he wanted to resolve this he’d go to counselling.
He’s happy as it is - you doing the wifework.
Have some time with your family who love you and will genuinely want to help you out.
This should be a lovely time together as a family.

SoHotADragonRetired · 30/05/2019 11:48

This morning he said ‘are you going to nosh me off blud’

Dear God, I think my vagina closed up shop permanently just reading that. I can't imagine what it's like to have that ALL THE TIME!

Get out, please. He's a childish loser. You had problems even before kids - so it was pretty inevitable that a baby was going to make them worse and show you who he REALLY is. He won't change.

BlingLoving · 30/05/2019 14:36

However you are right there were problems before I fell pregnant, mainly his selfishness and lack of commitment.

A dear friend of mine regularly comments that nothing tests a relationship like having a baby. And that if the relationship wasn't solid before, the chances of it surviving a baby are pretty slim. And I think she's right.

You weren't happy before and planned to leave. And then got pregnant. So you stayed, thinking he a) might change when a baby came along and b) (I'm guessing) that the baby had the right to both parents while he had the right to the baby.

But if the relationship was and is doomed, the longer you stay the longer it will be to move on and out. He sounds awful. He wasn't looking to have this baby in the first place, was lazy, controlling and misogynist before the baby came and is now resentful and inappropriate once she's arrived.

I'm very sorry for you but I'm not sure there's any way back from any of this.

Cocobean30 · 30/05/2019 14:47

Omg leave him!!!

MitziK · 30/05/2019 15:37

Dear God, not only is he a child, he thinks he's a 1970s Jamaican gangster child.

Can you imagine your child shouting 'Bumbaclarrrrrrtttt' or 'Yeh, fam, I'll cover you with my yoghurt' to a black nursery worker at snacktime? Because the chances are those are the words that your baby will learn and repeat in public because Daddy looks so happy when she says them.

MitziK · 30/05/2019 15:45

Just wanted to add that there is no way on God's Little Green Earth that my sister in law, niece, nephew, friends or my next door neighbour would tolerate that shit coming from the mouth of their husband or child, never mind a stranger/somebody else's child - and they at least could argue that the words are part of their cultural heritage - I've heard the lovely NDN putting her husband straight about his/his mates' language around their children, too.

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