Constantly Moody DP - don’t know if I can take it anymore

[Littlegemz]

DP has a real knack for just spoiling any down time we have together as a family (we have a young DD) to the point that I can’t wait for him to go to work.

This weekend all he done was get in a pissy mood about everything. DD made a mess while eating (she is 8 months so obviously it’s a given) so gets annoyed.. muttering under his breathe about how the weekend is just getting worse (he does this a lot). Said to his mum is DD behaved like a normal baby we could go out to eat more, but because DD wont just sit like a lemon not making a sound or go to sleep she somehow isn’t normal. Or moaning about the mess in the kitchen, all that needed doing was a wipe down of the surfaces which I ended up doing. And ok yesterday he apologised for being moody, for the first time, but it’s a constant thing if we have time together.

I really just can’t stand him being around. Most of the time he spends watching tv or playing the Xbox anyway.. not helping clean up, nor interacting with DD and just critising. Even if he isn’t moody he is usually making fun of me and it’s just all very tiring, I’m at the point where I can’t even be bothered to have a conversation with him.

Well see this is the thing, my maternal family is Jamaican, he isn’t thought he is of Pakistani/Indian descent but somehow thinks it’s ok to go around speaking like a hoodlum. It’s just very exhausting and when he is in his moods in exhausted from all the winding up that half the time I can’t be bothered to tackle him on it or with DD around I don’t want to. No doubt one day I’ll lose my sh*t but should probably leave before that day comes.

And as a PP has said, I only stayed to give it a go for DDs sake, wasn’t like I needed him.. I could have been in my hometown with my family and friends, perfectly happy.

He just doesn't want to be a father, does he? Or a grown up.

for you OP. You must have the patience of a saint.

Not only do you have to plead with this man to be a decent partner and quit being disgusting and inappropriate you also have to plead with him to parent!
What use is he at all?I
He doesn't want to parent and he doesn't want to grow up either.
You technically have a baby and a vile teenager ( not all teenagers are vile just the one you happen to live with)

So when are you packing up and leaving? It sounds completely dead in the water and zero benefit to remaining local to him...

God he sounds like such a knob and you sound like you are great and would be so much better off without him! Don't let other people like your SIL putting up with twattishness make you feel like you should, some women do just have low standards with men but you don't have to!

I agree with everyone else, at least take your DD and go and stay with your family for a bit, it'll give you breathing space to figure out what to do, though it sounds like you are pretty much already there.

The childish sexual talk is enough to kill any relationship stone dead, and the groping too. Ugh. Been there. It's truly horrible. Such a lack of finesse and skill. Not to mention the lack of parenting. So, so shit.

You'll find yourself someone so much better; you sound ace :)

Just pack up your stuff and go home. You'll be much happier that way.

Ah thank you for the kind words MNetters, literally if it weren’t for DD I think I’d rip him a new one. Just trying to ensure I’m the best I can be for her, myself too, but definitely mainly for her. Im so exhausted and run down by it all that half the time I can’t focus on things that should have my attention, like I took a semi permanent beauty class before DD was born and I’m so good at it.. I should be looking to get my business off the ground, doing the admin bits especially before going back to my other career but with the comments etc I just keep shutting down and I need to stop that cause if not how am I going to progress.

Think I’ll go down to my mums for the weekend and just get away. Being around his family just makes me feel like it’s normal and that I should just put up and shut up, need to be with my crazy wonderful support network to get my strength back.

It is for your DD that you should not be with him at all now. You cannot be the absolute best for her nor any potential beauty business at present because your mental energies are being primarily taken up by this twattish bloke. All this person has ultimately done here is drag you down with him. He will take his DD down with him too if you allow it.

What do you want to teach your DD about relationships and what is she learning from the two of you?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Consider that question too.

Go to your mother's with your DD and whilst you are there end this façade of a relationship with this selfish manchild.

I have headed to my mums, but not yet called things off. Just making an excuses for him.. maybe if I just told him what to do everytime, if I just done everything and put up with his comments and just grin and bare it and pretend everything is fine. But let’s face it, I know it’s not and it’s not only me that ends up suffering. I just need to pluck up the courage and do it. The unknown is scary but surely must be better than this.

Last night I laid in bed thinking if I stayed what would it be like in ten years if I still felt the same, that terrified me.

So not left yet, he had a family event today with family members our DD hasn’t seen since she was a newborn so I thought ok let’s do that and not spoil it for them. Wish I hadn’t fucking bothered .

One of his family members called our DD a piggy, then they were discussing her surname (which is the same as theirs) how she born surname ‘x’ I corrected them and had to say well actually she didn’t have that surname as we arent married she was a ‘y’ for her first few weeks and his uncle turns around and says she was a orphan for those weeks. Fucking excuse me, what’s wrong with my surname, especially when the ‘xs’ and father have done fuck all for either of us. The sheer arrogance of it all.. I had to tell them she is an ‘x’ because I agreed to it just remember that P had no rights to DD at the time of her birth and I could have kept him off her birth cert.. starting to wish I did.. I wouldn’t have ever done that but still just to take that power back.

Sorry for all the cursing, I just felt so disrespected for both me and DD.

Can't you change their name in the first 12 months? Add your surname to her current name?

Don’t I need him permission to do that ?

Not sure check it out 🤷🏽‍♀️ if you want to add it as a middle name would he really object?