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Original poster

Bfs ‘weird’ behaviour on holiday

66 replies

Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 08:35

Bf is away on holiday for a week...booked a year and half ago before we were official.

They are away to an all night party capital and he hasn’t stayed out past 12 any night. Says he’s not really drinking much I don’t know I find it odd. He loves a good party and a drink. His reasoning being is that he misses me too much he just isn’t enjoying himself and the cynic in me is just automatically thinking he’s lying (exh cheated on me for 2 years with a girl he met on holiday). I’ve been argumentative with bf because I know his friends I know him they party. We had an argument before he left a he said he wouldn’t be bringing his phone out with him at nights I got annoyed at this as I’m pregnant and told him I would like to be able to reach him if needs be (I’m not near labour though) he then agreed but I’m wondering is he telling me he’s going to bed then heading out for the night argh I’ll never know just needs to vent

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/05/2019 09:02

Doesn't sound like you trust him?
Maye he feels his party days are over?

Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 09:14

He was adamant he was going on this holiday (I thought it was a waste of money as we have a few money issues atm) a lot of effort put in so his reaction when he’s got there has surprised me...

OP posts:
OldUnit · 26/05/2019 09:15

Wow this all sounds massively intense.

Rocketgirl1 · 26/05/2019 09:34

He might be telling you what he thinks you want to hear for an easy life. Not much you can do though. Either trust him or not.

poglets · 26/05/2019 09:45

He booked the holiday before you were a couple, you've not been together that long and you're pregnant.

What a lot of life changes in a short period of time. Sounds very intense.

He went on the holiday and that includes what happens on it. Cheating on you or getting in to trouble out there isn't okay but as for going out drinking...meh. Who cares.

Refusing to take his phone out when you are pregnant is inconsiderate and foolish.

Get on with your own life while he is away. You have to trust him or break up.

UCOinanOCG · 26/05/2019 09:53

So he has gone on a long time prearranged holiday and isn't going out on the lash like you expected?

This is a good thing surely? A sign he has matured since he met you and is aware of his responsibilities. He knows you are pregnant and it might be weighing on his mind.

Having decided to go away he is maybe regretting it as he would rather be at home with you.

I would be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Jiggles101 · 26/05/2019 09:56

Who cares is he goes out drinking?! He's allowed to do whatever he wants on HIS holiday. Just because your ex cheated with someone he met on holiday doesn't give you the right be so controlling. Why not spend time with your own friends instead of obsessing about what's he's up to?

LittleLongDog · 26/05/2019 09:59

I would give him the benefit of the doubt (and some space). You don’t need to be adding stress to both your lives for no reason.

Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 09:59

I don’t care if he goes out drinking and partying...it feels like he’s trying to hide what he’s doing. He is not the type of person to spend so much time in his room like he is saying he’s doing

Again I don’t expect him not to go out partying l

OP posts:
Isth · 26/05/2019 10:01

This sounds like really hard work. I’m a bit baffled as to why you’d rush into having a baby with someone you clearly don’t trust at all.

Shoxfordian · 26/05/2019 10:02

Leave him to it.
Stop being so needy

LemonTT · 26/05/2019 10:07

You were argumentative about him going on holiday and the basis of your argument was that his friends are party animals. Now he is telling you he isn’t going out and you don’t believe him.

You tried to control his behaviour, through arguments, and he tried to resist. He has 2 options, give in to you or deceive you. Which is how people respond to controlling behaviour. Not a good omen for the future.

londonrach · 26/05/2019 10:19

You do sound very young op.might be an idea to learn to trust him. You going to be a mum soon. Relax and try and not be so intense. Enjoy some girl time with some friends whilst hes away

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 26/05/2019 10:19

Take a step back from worrying and keep yourself busy whilst he’s away. Fretting about the unknown is not productive or healthy. I agree not taking his phone out is a bit much, but making him take it is controlling.

Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 10:23

The arguments were about money he
Was saying how we needed to
Cut back and I was annoyed because he was going on a hol where his spending money was £2500 whereas o
Was being told to cut back on spending £30
On my nails (fingers and toes) lol
I just thought it was hypocritical

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 26/05/2019 10:27

That's a lot of spending money

Bluetrews25 · 26/05/2019 10:29

You mentioned you have money worries? Perhaps he is staying in to save cash?
Don't judge him by your ex's standards. He could be completely different.

Littlefattykittycatty · 26/05/2019 10:34

Personally I would not have been happy about him going in the first place if he is spending that much money with a new baby on the way.
On the other hand I think he is trying to tell you what you want to hear. He probably knows that you are not really happy with him being there and saying he is staying out all hours drinking and having a good time would probably wind you up. Can you honestly say if he told you he was out all night drinking you wouldn’t get annoyed at him at all...? He may feel guilty for being there and enjoying it whilst you are stuck at home.
Because you can’t turn back time and tell him you don’t want him to go you need to either trust him or not. Agreed that this is hard because he is lying about the amount of time he is out but I do think that is because he doesn’t want to rub your face in it.

NoBaggyPants · 26/05/2019 10:35

I'm not sure it's the boyfriend who is acting weirdly.

If you've got money worries then most partners would be pleased he's staying in.

FiveShelties · 26/05/2019 10:50

2500GPB for a week spending money? That is around 350GPB a day - where has he gone?

PeoniesarePink · 26/05/2019 10:50

He's on holiday with 2.5k, you've got a baby on the way and money is tight?

Jesus wept. Good luck, you're going to need it.

Hmm
Playmytune · 26/05/2019 10:59

@pregnantbitscared88.
“We have a few money issues atm, “he Was saying how we needed to Cut back”* .
Then you say “his spending money was £2500”
Quite a drip feed!!

To be honest, from op, I was going to say you were being a bit unreasonable to argue over him going away on a holiday that was organised before you were together, but that is an obscene amount of spending money, whether you have money issues or not!

You are expecting a baby. A baby is expensive. £2500 would buy everything you need for a baby, cot, pram etc!

I don’t think him going out drinking is here or there.
I would question what his priorities are for going in the first place, knowing how much he was going to spend and then he grudges you £30 to make you feel good about yourself.

He really seems to be committed to you and his baby!!

category12 · 26/05/2019 11:04

I think it's unreasonable to expect to be in constant contact while he's on this sort of piss-up holiday, since you're not close to due. The sensible thing to do would have been to agree he's not going to be in touch during the evening and catch up in the mornings. (He could have still got up to anything and texted, being in constant touch is no guarantee of anything). You either trust him or you don't.

As it is, he's possibly lying about staying in, to shut you up, and you don't know either way.

Grudging you £30 for what you wanted versus his spending money for this, is a big double standard. How come your finances are so entwined so soon?

Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 11:05

Yes see it was never about him going that I argued about I just thought that it was far too much money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 11:06

Basically because to live together for the baby coming we need to put our money together I earn a bit more and he has more outgoings than me

OP posts:
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