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Original poster

Bfs ‘weird’ behaviour on holiday

66 replies

Pregnantbitscared88 · 26/05/2019 08:35

Bf is away on holiday for a week...booked a year and half ago before we were official.

They are away to an all night party capital and he hasn’t stayed out past 12 any night. Says he’s not really drinking much I don’t know I find it odd. He loves a good party and a drink. His reasoning being is that he misses me too much he just isn’t enjoying himself and the cynic in me is just automatically thinking he’s lying (exh cheated on me for 2 years with a girl he met on holiday). I’ve been argumentative with bf because I know his friends I know him they party. We had an argument before he left a he said he wouldn’t be bringing his phone out with him at nights I got annoyed at this as I’m pregnant and told him I would like to be able to reach him if needs be (I’m not near labour though) he then agreed but I’m wondering is he telling me he’s going to bed then heading out for the night argh I’ll never know just needs to vent

OP posts:

NoBaggyPants · 26/05/2019 11:07

Does he want to live with you?

If he's not going out all night then he's going to be spending far less. That's a good thing, no?

ineedaholidaynow · 26/05/2019 11:09

Did he say why he needed so much money?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 11:10

It feels very half and half especially on the immaturity thing.

2500 spending money for a week is ridiculous. Even more so with a baby on the way and making comments about cutbacks.

You keep changing goalposts and expectations and when he doesn't meet them immediately assume lying and cheating.

This relationship won't work unless both of you grow up,sort out your priorities and decide what you want.

PCohle · 26/05/2019 11:13

It sounds like he can't do right for doing wrong.

If he was out late spending loads of money on booze you'd be slagging him off for that. He's staying in a bit and apparently that's suspicious.

It all sounds like bloody hard work.

Amibeingdaft81 · 26/05/2019 11:17

Strange you mention pregnancy so off hand! Until that point I thought you were being uptight and unreasonable

You are carrying his child though. That carries a huge amount of important and it is very concerning that he’s not listening to you re taking his phone out with him

Amibeingdaft81 · 26/05/2019 11:19

Honestly OP, the entire set up and substance of this relationship sounds like the two of you are 15 year olds.

You’re unlikely to change his. But you can change YOU before this baby comes along. And rather than focus on him, focus on yourself andbaby

Wereeaglesdare · 26/05/2019 11:27

It's a ridiculous amount of money to be spending especially when your expecting a baby together! Don't let him dictate to you how u spend your money. Don't even let him know how much u earn or get money wise, it's none of his business as you say u have not been together very long. Also he will have to be the one to sacrifice because of his holiday. He's a CF.
Secondly treat yourself to a big fat takeaway, go and get a facial and your nails and that done and get some cute maternity outfits. You should enjoy this time just being by yourself or with friends focus on you.
Don't keep ringing or texting it makes u look needy. If your busy don't rush to pick up his calls. He's on holiday let him have his overpriced holiday and unfortunately a bit of blind trust is needed in a relationship I've been cheated on a fair few times and you never know its unfortunate u may never know, but you have to have some faith in your partner. If a person has it in them they will do it. But don't compromise your sanity and self respect by letting them think your desperate. You should have the self esteem to think he's lucky to be with me becayse I'm X, Y, Z. I have trust in my partner now and I got pregnant about three months in to our relationship. You do feel insecure your hormones are everywhere and you resent that they can have a good time but at the end of the day like pp have said u need to be able to trust or do this by yourself.

NameChangeNugget · 26/05/2019 11:33

I actually feel sorry for him

Pppppppp1234 · 26/05/2019 11:33

Benefit of the doubt and believe him OP. Maybe he actually really feels bad and isn’t enjoying himself as he’s realised he’s been such a hypocrite?

LemonTT · 26/05/2019 11:34

£2500 for a week, really🤔. So he is either loaded or daft as a brush with no idea about financial management. Either way why would he question getting your nails done?

None of this (fed drip by drip) makes sense either; your behaviour, contrary to say the least, or his daft / sinister attitude to money.

Never mind that it’s practically impossible to book a holiday 18 months in advance. Plan it yes.

SMellisa · 26/05/2019 11:35

Did you say he cheated on you with a girl he met on holiday for 2 years ? He defo should not be going surely ?!

I understand if you feel insecure.. to be honest I would be the same. There is something about being on holiday hot weather, bikinis alcohol that makes everyone change their characters.

I guess if you trust each other there should not be an issue, it may intact make you both stronger and it will be good to miss each other if you know what I mean. You will work it out x

y0rkiebar · 26/05/2019 11:38

If he's really not partying then he'll bring back a large chunk of that £2.5K won't he! You can ask him to put it into a baby fund for all the kit you're going to need. Will be interesting to see his reaction.

SMellisa · 26/05/2019 11:38

Sorry OP I just read it was your ex. I understand your insecurity.

grupple · 26/05/2019 11:42

I thought that was a typo, £2500, really? Well you'll soon know if he's lying, nobody ever spent that much having quiet, early nights.

theemmadilemma · 26/05/2019 11:43

The last party holiday I went on I did what he's claiming. It took that holiday to realise I was just so over that kind of holiday and I wasn't enjoying it.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2019 11:44

I’ve been argumentative with bf because I know his friends I know him they party. We had an argument before he left a he said he wouldn’t be bringing his phone out with him at nights

Well nor would I to be honest if I'm going to get a hard time for partying when I'm away with friends on holiday, at a party capital.

He's playing the partying down, to avoid you having a go at him by the sound of it.

whathaveitakenon · 26/05/2019 11:56

Woah - his spending money for a week in another city - probably 6 nights, right? - is £2500 and he says he's not going out on the lash? Yeah, right.

You can tell him to piss off with his nitpicking about your nails if that's his attitude.

If he's lying to you about something like this so early in a relationship, you should keep your guard up. It's very early to get pregnant by someone you don't even trust, who already shows financial issues, but you can still protect yourself going forward. Do you have other children from you previous marriage? Do you live together?

whathaveitakenon · 26/05/2019 12:01

Sorry - I just saw that you're not living together yet. It sounds as though you have very different financial priorities. £2.5k is an outrageous amount of money to bring on holiday unless you are all high earners and that's just normal, but based on his nipcheese attitude towards £30 for your nails, it sounds like he's not.

If he's happy to blaze through that kind of money when he is supposed to be saving for a home with you, earns LESS than you to start with, has higher outgoings (yeah - on trips like this), I would be inclined to put the brakes on living together for a bit. You'll end up supporting him with your maternity pay.

What are his outgoings and why are they so high if his earnings aren't high? Is he paying support to a previous family or anything like that?

fedup21 · 26/05/2019 12:02

£2500-sorry, but I can’t get past that!

We took less spending money than that for a two week holiday to Florida for a large family!

I think you are right to be concerned. This doesn’t really bode well for the future.

So, he has told you he isn’t going out and is staying in, and that if he did go out, he would leave his phone behind...then he will be with his phone and you can ring him and discuss what’s the matter with him.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/05/2019 12:02

Was this pregnancy planned? If it was an accident, was he initially pleased or have you (or other people) told him that he's about to be a dad and his party days are now over, and that he has to set up home with you and obey you?
I appreciate that if a man has impregnanted a woman, he has to take some responsibility if the pregnancy continues, but that doesn't mean he has to maintain a couple-relationship with her or set up hoome with her if he doesn't want to. I'm just wondering if this man feels railroaded and is rebelling.

GinIsHappiness · 26/05/2019 12:11

You've gone from saying the issue is you feel like he's lying, to now that money is tight.

What's really bothering you?
Just the money?

He booked a holiday before you were together, he's gone and you're annoyed because he's not partying? Do you dictate what he should and shouldn't do? He's given you a reason, a fair one. Nothing seems off with him saying 'I miss you, I just want want to party'. What's the issue?

Ok you're pregnant. If you're able to find time to argue with him, am pretty sure you'll be able to get hold of him if it's pregnancy related.

He's taken £2500 on holiday? Where did he go? Party holiday? A friend went to Ibiza and spent 1500 in a week / it's not cheap for a party holiday (whether you're partying all night or not).

I think you just need to breathe, talk yourself out of this mood and give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

Aprillygirl · 26/05/2019 12:13

Why the fuck would he need 2500 spending money? That's almost $360 per day! I find it hard to believe that a young man with that amount of money burning a hole in his pocket is sitting in his hotel room alone come midnight. I could be wrong though and he will hopefully come back with a full wallet so the two of you will be able to go shopping for baby things.

BrendasUmbrella · 26/05/2019 12:14

If he was out late spending loads of money on booze you'd be slagging him off for that. He's staying in a bit and apparently that's suspicious.

It's not like he's facetiming her while staying in. He's telling her he's done for the day and is turning off his phone. And then apparently having a bubble bath and chamomile tea while his mates go out partying... I'm sure he only went there because he heard the hotel had a really good buffet, and a nice balcony for reading. He's going to spend his £2500 budget on fridge magnets at the gift shop...

BrendasUmbrella · 26/05/2019 12:15

When he comes back, I bet he watches his phone like a hawk for at least a week.

PCohle · 26/05/2019 12:17

But we don't know if he is going to spend the £2500, that was his initial budget when he thought he would be going out every night. Maybe he's going to come home and tell the OP he's saved two grand for the world's fanciest buggy

If you're constantly assuming the worst and can't trust that your DP isn't out shagging behind your back at every opportunity then it isn't really much of a relationship.

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