How much do you/your partners drink at home?

[Mamaa1981]

My husband drinks pretty much everyday - week days in the evenings after work 2-4 cans (had a stressful day/its sunny/footballs on [insert excuse here]..) and then at the weekend probably starts drinking around 4pm ish and could drink around 6 cans/plus wine on a Saturday/Sunday with dinner. Its beginning to grate on me if im honest. Sick of seeing him with an alcoholic drink in hand. Pissed off when theres jobs to do and once hes settled with a drink thats him done for the day (no help putting kids to bed at night). Worried that this is being normalised to the kids..

Concious that i dont drink and perhaps a bit judgy on this- i try not to be. Is this normal??

We really enjoy a drink, and do drink at home, but that sounds like a lot to me. It would annoy me too.

I enjoy a drink and I do drink every day. I have a very high tolerance and never get even tipsy. I have my first when ds is in bed and I'm done for the evening and sat relaxing. How many I have depends on what time I sit down mostly, what time I go to bed and what I'm drinking.

DH and I don't drink at all (DM alcoholic), I'd be pissed of with my DH drinking so much and doing bugger all! That's not much of an evening for you

I normally have a bottle of beer with dinner, I don’t have more than that at home as I have a four year old to look after.

Don't you find that worrying, happymummy?

OP, that seems like a lot. Does he ever have booze-free days?

I don drink at all. Hubby might have one beer or cider a week if at all. Yes I think that is too much and it seems it has already become your/his norm.

No, that's not normal. That's a hell of a lot of alcohol every week. He's a rampant boozer.

DH drinks one bottle of wine over the course of a week. So about 4 glasses a week. That's a level I'm pretty happy with.

I think that’s quite a lot given it’s every day. I would say I drink about 2-3 bottles of wine a week (depending on the week, obviously not always!), but I don’t drink during the week usually. So that’s 2-3 glasses of wine with dinner Friday and Saturday and sometimes Sunday lunch. That’s still over the limits, but it’s recommended everyone have at least 3 dry days a week. Also the difference is, I might have a glass of wine while cooking dinner, tidying up, same with my dh, there’s no sitting down and drinking and ignoring children and household tasks. He surely must be exhausted drinking that much as it does affect your sleep.

None, ever. Me either.

Oh personally I used to drink a lot, but I gave up cos it seemed problematic.

My ex always drank a couple of pints a day. He'd have cider at home or have to go to the pub. He was a problem drinker. He lost his driving licence and stuff.

Nothing. We used to but it started earlier and earlier, then we'd row. Not always but it was a damaging amount. I've quit completely. OH hasn't but he won't drink at home. I got irritated by it and he's a reasonable man. Its not like I asked him to give up something healthy.

Also there is no reason he can’t drink and still cook dinner, bathe and put kids to bed -assuming your dc are old enough to not be supervised in the bath, like I mean at least 4. We enjoy a drink but it’s never stopped either of us from parenting. We do dinner, bath and bedtime together every night unless one of us is away.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Do you feel that everything would be ok between you and he if he were to stop drinking?. Do you feel regularly hurt or embarrassed by his drinking behaviour?. Are you walking on eggshells because you fear you might set off a drinking bout or angry outburst? If you can answer yes to those questions I would contact Al-anon and get support for your own self. You are right to be worried about this situation being normalised to the children. Did you grow up seeing similar too?. What about his parents, do they drink heavily?.

Its his "normal" but that does not mean to say he does not have a dependency on alcohol and or an unhealthy relationship with same.
He may well feel he does not have a problem with alcohol but denial of the problem is commonly seen in people with alcohol problems.

You cannot help him because he has to be the one who has to help his own self here. You can only help your own self and your children ultimately.

1 can = about 2 units
1 bottle of wine = about 10 units

So your DH is drinking at a minimum 44 units a week? (2 cans a day, 6 each weekend day, a bottle of wine over a weekend)

The NHS recommendation is no more than 14 units a week, with some alcohol free days. He's drinking three times as much - it is definitely too much, and he's at risk of making himself ill. Let alone that he leaves you be be the adult of the family while he checks out. When do you get your downtime?

I'm trying to sort a similar thing with my DH, although we don't have kids yet. He still drinks a couple of beers most nights as a stress reliever, which is less than he used to as I've been on at him about it and finding healthier ways to manage stress. I drink maybe twice a week, half a bottle of wine each time, something like that.

Your DH needs to step up to do his share of the parenting, and cut back on drinking for his own health as well as the sake of your relationship.

That's a lot and could lead to all kinds of complications. Especially if he is not having a day off. He must feel pretty sluggish all the time. He can damage his liver, it can cause cancer e.t.c

If it's a problem then you should talk to him about it. It could just be a habit or dependency.

I think he should probably try to have booze free days at least as a starting point.

If he is drinking that much, he has a problem.

No real drinking here either. But what we drink doesn't matter, no help would bother me more.

You will get some virtue signalling with this thread.
Lots of people have a drink every night but he does seem to have a lot at the weekend.
I have a naice gin and tonic most nights and perhaps three / four nights a week a large glass of wine with dinner. But I don’t drink before the kids are in bed, ever and if I drank in the day I would be useless.

There are two issues

• the degree to which it’s impacting his ability to parent
• his health

Well actually three, how you feel. That’s as important.

Lots of people have one or two drinks every evening and don’t have an alcohol problem. Could he stop? Could he cut down? More importantly does he want to?

He has a problem, and so do you.

Gin its hardly virtue signalling to say you don't drink. I was drinking way over the recommended amounts. I've stopped. I don't feel virtuous. Just healthier.

I think that's a lot, I don't think drinking every day is healthy, sounds like a dependency. We drink on weekends only, not every weekend, and not to excess. It's expensive too!

We don’t drink every day. My DH might have a can with dinner on a Friday eve and then 1 or 2 on a Saturday eve. Rarely more than that

I drink maybe 2-3 times per week, a couple of bottles of beer.

Husband probably drinks about the same.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I used to drink but stopped two years ago because i was just bored with it- felt like the weeks were always the same routine and thats what the weekends were about. I dont think i had a problem and with two pregnancies, knew how fantastic you feel being alcohol free! I also made the change because i wanted to be an example to my kids that its not the norm for adults to drink alcohol and them to see me with a drink. I think also i drank because im unhappy im my relationship (20 years) and yes i need to do something about it.

Youre right its not much of an evening for me. Sometimes i dont sit down until 10pm and i work too.

He does have the odd one day a week off. Yes he must feel shite but i think its the norm for him. He snores and drives me insane! Hes overweight (but so am i) and tbh i dont find him attractive anymore.

When he does drink hes got a short temper. Shouted at me the other night- 10pm, kids in bed and hes cooking his dinner and sets the fire alarm off as hes not closed the door to the kitchen. I go running downstairs to sort it and he just comes in shouting at me saying im in the wrong for opening windows and over reacting. I just feel like im walking on egg shells and constantly on edge between him and the kids.

What am i getting out of it? Good question. I feel like im always trying to keep the peace between him and kids. Ones 4 ones 13. I think if he did stop completely things could improve but i just feel like ive disconnected from the relationship and weve not had sex for over a year because quite frankly hes always pissed when the situation arises and stinks of alcohol.

I try not to take him to my side of the family events. Ive always grown up in a family that hardly drinks and its certainly not the most important part of a family gathering whereas his family is the opposite.

I have spoken to him about his drinking but he just makes out because i dont drink im no fun etc. Ahhh sorry for the long post

Drinking every day is not normal or healthy. He's an alcoholic.

The not helping is a separate issue. Lazy partner and parent.

I'd be having a serious talk about both issues.