How much do you/your partners drink at home?

[Mamaa1981]

My husband drinks pretty much everyday - week days in the evenings after work 2-4 cans (had a stressful day/its sunny/footballs on [insert excuse here]..) and then at the weekend probably starts drinking around 4pm ish and could drink around 6 cans/plus wine on a Saturday/Sunday with dinner. Its beginning to grate on me if im honest. Sick of seeing him with an alcoholic drink in hand. Pissed off when theres jobs to do and once hes settled with a drink thats him done for the day (no help putting kids to bed at night). Worried that this is being normalised to the kids..

Concious that i dont drink and perhaps a bit judgy on this- i try not to be. Is this normal??

And to answer the actual question...

I'll have a nice tasting cocktail at home if it's a special occasion, new years, Christmas, a birthday maybe.

4 drinks if I'm out and that's me very merrily drunkish.

My ex used to drink daily. 6-8 cans of Stella. Awful.
My New partner will only have a drink when out, and then it's not many 4 or 5 pints and he's drunk, bit like me.

I have a glass or wine or two probably once every 3 weeks. DH goes through phases of one drink most night, sometimes two and other tones nothing at home for weeks or only a couple one night if the weekend.

OP, I have been where you are. DH and I got together years ago, drinking heavily (as in, student drinking), and we just settled in to drinking every night. I have also managed pregnancy without touching a drop and felt so much better for it, but old habits die hard and I soon slipped back into it with him. Literally only a few months ago, I felt I was in a good place to cut down massively, and now drink small amounts 2-3 nights a week, which I am happy with. DH and I have been arguing for a long time over our drinking, and his lack of support in me cutting down, as he didn’t want to, and was constantly offering me drinks etc, and also him accusing me of being boring because I didn’t want to drink all the time anymore. Anyway, I don’t know what happened with him, but it seems a switch has flicked, and all of a sudden he has decided to join me in cutting down, and is actually sticking to it! He still snores and is overweight (so am I), but he is much more cheerful and kinder to me.
Sorry for the long post. I don’t know if I just got lucky with him changing his mind, or if he’d finally had enough of my nagging, but I just wanted to give you some hope. I feel sad that drinking to excess is so socially acceptable, and I would hate for my DC to drink to the extent that DH and I have over the years. But so many people do it, and it is seen as so acceptable, that it is really hard to get through to someone when it has gone too far.

I have 3-4 drinks a week, usually over 2-3 days. Dp is teetotal. I occasionally have 1 drink during cocktail hour while dc are awake - usually midweek or on a Saturday night as those are our "relax together" afternoons/evenings.

I'm very conscious of usually not having more than 1, because I want to be ok to drive relatively quickly, otherwise teetotal dp ends up having to leave the house to drive me when usually he'd be relaxing at home etc. And of course I don't want him doing lion's share of kids stuff, they are not his kids, for one!

What you describe is problem drinking. You dh opts out of family life, he shouts at you, it affects intimacy to a dire extent. Can you get out?

That's a lot...we might have a few at the weekend but not as regularly as that and we generally have a drink together.

Neither of us drink at all. I used to but stopped two years ago as it’s just drinking calories.

It does sound too much. We are super careful with alcohol because we each had a parent who drank too much. Still have a drink in a night out but not when just in the house.

I’m not a doctor so I’m not going to give an arm chair diagnosis but that does seem like a lot and could be symptomatic of a mild dependency.

I have had the same challenges previously with people I’ve dated and it’s given me cause for concern (which I was right to be in the end). I nevertheless understood why he couldn’t just have a soft drink or a glass of water with dinner.

Everything became an excuse for having a drink, we’d go running and post run he’d be trying to convince me bloody Mary’s at 11am we’re a good idea. That grew old every single week.

That does sound a lot OP, and like it’s part of a larger issue with him not respecting or supporting you. What would you like to happen? Do you think if he cut down drinking (if that was something he’d even be open to) that things would improve with you?

I don’t drink at all in the week unless I’m on holiday. I don’t drink much at all these days - not to say it doesn’t happen but say out of any given 8 week(end)s there would be 4 I didn’t drink at all, maybe 3 where I had one or two, and one week where I went for it and had eg a bottle of wine plus cocktails. I used to drink more, it’s just kind of naturally reduced over time.

DP drinks quite a bit more. He’ll drink 2-4 cans of lager (the strong stuff) or 3 of the big bottles at least two weekday evenings, then that plus more (depends on the occasion but can be a lot more) on the Saturday and then probably a couple on the Sunday too. I judge it as excessive to be honest, and I find it tedious to sit and watch him drinking at times. I just fail to see the point, but then worry I’m being a miserable boring cow. I’m all for having a social drink when we’re out, or even getting pissed the two of us and having a dance in the kitchen at the weekend - but sitting drinking on your own on a Wednesday just seems pointless and a bit in ‘problem drinking’ category to me. DP has said he wants to cut down and is making an effort to, he will easily go for a week or two without drinking when he suddenly decides he’s had enough, but it does always creep back in. He’s always perfectly pleasant with it, and we don’t have children, so there’s that.

We rarely drink. I think drinking every day regardless of volume is a problem, tbh.

We have a few gins or beers/wines when DD is away for the night and occasionally over the weekend but that's it. We usually save it for nights out with friends!

Can be lots, but it can be nothing, depends on how we feel, how much of a bad day we've had, etc.
It's just how we feel at the time.

You could be talking about my husband and tbh I am sick of it. Drinking everyday - used to be around 4 cans but now it’s wine too, and often in secret (although we all know he’s doing it). Before kids, we used to go out drinking together regularly. But once the kids came along I grew up and really curbed my drinking and gave up smoking (he never smoked). Now our eldest is 18 and she often comments on his drinking (to me, not him) and I think that’s really sad.
I actually don’t want to be with him now because of it but it’s hard to know how to begin to start again on my own. He knows he has a problem and will often say “i’m giving up drinking next week” but he never does.
During the day he’s fine, great company etc. But the evenings are very lonely as he’ll conk out really early and drinking makes him really grumpy and argumentative. He’s very careful and rarely drinks when we’re out socially and never drives once he’s had a drink - our family and friends would have no idea!
I wonder now if it’s worth me threatening to end our marriage to make him stop, but at the same time i’m not sure I want to be with him at all now. It’s very sad, I feel that i’m you, 5 years ahead......

No one in this house drinks at all. No interest.

None. It's an expensive vice. I'd rather spend my money on other things.

None, ever. Me either.

Almost never at home. We get through a bottle of brandy every four or five months (together). If I open wine for cooking, which happens occasionally, DH might finish it off over a week or so.

When we go out we get good and tipsy.

He shouldn't have a short temper and you shouldn't be walking on eggshells.

Have you looked at Al-Anon? I'm sorry you're in this situation. Can you afford to leave?

We open a bottle of Prosecco every Friday night after long week at work . Always finish a second bottle too as usually end up sitting up chatting until the wee small hours but we don't see other all week .
Usually do the same on Saturday and then share most of a bottle of red with dinner on Sunday .
Don't drink then all week usually unless one of us drives over to the other and then we'll share a bottle of red again .
Too much alcohol I guess but we do this together .
Would drive me nuts if he drank alone every night and became detached from us / life / helping out etc .

We never really drink at home. Maybe a can of lager or 2 once a month if that.
If I go out with friends I'll have a few and get tipsy but that's only a couple of times a month, sometimes less.
Partner rarely does a boozy night out he'd rather drive, he's not a big drinker

That does sound excessive, I was with an alcoholic in a previous relationship and he'd also always have an excuse as to why he had to drink every night. He'd also go on massive benders and disappear for days at a time while he got blind drunk then come crawling back saying he wanted to change.
His inability to put anything before the drink was one of the main reasons we broke up.

Have you spoken to your partner about his drinking?

It's an absolute bottom line rule of mine to never drink at home - I had alcoholic parents where a bottle of vodka and 4 bottles of wine were the norm.

Last night I had a pint of lager shandy in a beer garden to watch the sun go down, it was nice, first drink in 3 months.

At most 1 bottle of wine a week, but many weeks none as I like red and it gives me a headache the next day.

I’d not say a couple of cans in the week is terrible in of itself but the fact it’s mostly daily and is interfering in his ability to participate in family life as well as making him grumpy is a big issue.

Accusing you of being boring for not drinking is just a way to try and deflect attention away from his behaviour. Also, it’s very childish - what sort of mature adult accuses a non drinker of that? It’s something a teen would say!

This is how it started with my H: never a day without alcohol, withdrawal from family life once he started drinking for the night, disinterest in anything but when he could start drinking. 8 years down the line and I am a widow, but only just - we were not quite divorced when he died.

You can't make him change. You can't help him. Yes, he is drinking harmfully. All you can do is get help for yourself from Al-Anon or similar to help you cope, set boundaries and make good decisions.

We don’t drink at home. DH doesn’t drink at all & I only drink maybe once a month socially. But I don’t think we are normal. Most of our friends drink at home

It might be normal for some people but it’s not something either me or dh do. I wouldn’t like it at all.

Drinking every day may not be healthy but it certainly doesn't make you an alcoholic.