Had a massive fallout with the MIL that is apparently my fault

[MaitlandGirl]

On Friday night DW, MIL, FIL, BIL, DWs Aunt and 2 of my children were supposed to be going to a fundraiser trivia night. I was checking the address on google maps and discovered it’s in a church hall - no problem with that, even though DW and I aren’t religious.

I googled the name of the church and found out one of their beliefs is that same sex marriage is an abomination and that the members of the congregation are required to sign a document casting out members of their family/ friendship groups that are gay.

Obviously this was concerning as DW and I are both female. Not really the sort of place I want to hang out or would feel comfortable in. (Not just for our sakes but because it felt disrespectful to the church to be in their hall). Then I found out that the fundraiser wasn’t just for the purpose I’d be told about but was a joint fundraiser for the church AND the purpose I knew about.

So DW contacted her mum and told her that we weren’t going (me, DW and the 2 kids) - there’s no way in hell I’m giving them my $$.

Apparently I’ve ruined a perfectly nice family evening by not being prepared to pretend I’m straight, and getting upset about something that doesn’t even matter and isn’t important.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt so disrespected but according to my MIL I’m overreacting.

I really don’t think this is salvageable.

It is possible to have a very happy life without any ils in it ime!!

You should never be put in a position to pretend you're someone your not and your mil is totally in the wrong.

Such a pity she felt she had to get you to go under false pretences.

No real advice but hold your head up high and ignore her until she apologised for misleading you.

Good heavens!

Do you think the cause using the venue knows about the extreme views of the church whose venue it is using? It could be dreadful publicity for them.

You'll get past this incident with your MIL, but you are quite right not to go.

Who is blaming you? It sounds like DW agrees with you. You're obviously totally correct!

Your mil is rude and disrespectful.

My DD has a same sex partner. I'd be furious on their behalves if anyone did that to them.

Your poor DW. How has she taken her DMs stance on her sexuality... Just pretend dear, no-one must know! ... I thought that had been well and truly buried!

What church would that be ?

What was the cause you thought you were raising money for?

She seriously can’t see why you don’t want to go a fundraiser that’s partly for a church that thinks you’re an abomination?

MIL is completely in the wrong here.

Abd what was the Church? I’ve never heard of a church in the U.K. with anything like that-although many do have very offensive ideas. I think you should name as. Public information service.

I assume American since the OP has $$ in it.

Easier for you to cast out your MIL than for your DW to cast out her DM.

Yuck. Very distasteful behaviour (to put it in language your MIL might use).

Oh please name the church so we can complain and then get the Daily Mail involved to shame them further!

Who do your mils church friends think the children belong to?

I'd go with Australian rather than American. We have $$ here too.

Is it Jehovahs witness ?

Your MIL is wrong on both sides, allowing you to be hoodwinked but also (albeit they're clearly an arsehat church with those views) to the church

She's only right in her eyes, so she's clearly wrong (psycho!)

I also don't think it's salvageable, tbh!
If she thinks you and her DD pretending to be straight isn't even important then it shows how little she regards you as people.

I agree with you. I stopped giving money to the Salvos after I found out they were against gay marriage.

Your mil doesn’t sound very nice. How does your DW feel about the way your mil is treating you? Is your mil from this church?

I’d be taking a massive step away from her and the drama.

I thought you were being U at first - there are lots of things held in church halls that don't have anything to do with the church concerned - until I got to the bit about the funds being split. So she expected you to raise money for people who think your sexuality is an abomination?? She should hold her head in shame, all the better for her to see her brass neck. Stupid woman.

Your MIL is totally in the wrong here. Good for you and your DW for standing up for yourselves; your DC will learn far more from that than a trivia evening.

PS: Ask MIL is she has told the church she has 'cast your both out' or does she pretend her own daughter is straight?

Good point about the kids, @MorrisZapp

Wowzers. . . I just do not see how they could not see that their daughter and her wife might have a bit of a problem with that, and would not be going along with that. . .

What the heck kind of church is that? Extreme much! xD

You are 100% in the right and I think the fact that not only are you prepared to stand up for your own rights but are also respectful of the church views too (whether they deserve it in this case or not) shows a great deal of emotional intelligence.

I wouldn't even bother trying to explain myself further to her as provided you have articulated yourself to her as well as you did to us here, she understands...she just doesn't 'get it'. And people who don't understand respect for ones self and for others, aren't worth your efforts.

Well, obviously the mil is in the wrong. But I would like more info!

Could be Seventh Day Adventists, they're agin all things homosexual

YANBU, obviously.

Is this out of character for the ILs?

YABU for worrying about “disrespecting” the church or churchgoers’ homophobia!