Had a massive fallout with the MIL that is apparently my fault

[MaitlandGirl]

On Friday night DW, MIL, FIL, BIL, DWs Aunt and 2 of my children were supposed to be going to a fundraiser trivia night. I was checking the address on google maps and discovered it’s in a church hall - no problem with that, even though DW and I aren’t religious.

I googled the name of the church and found out one of their beliefs is that same sex marriage is an abomination and that the members of the congregation are required to sign a document casting out members of their family/ friendship groups that are gay.

Obviously this was concerning as DW and I are both female. Not really the sort of place I want to hang out or would feel comfortable in. (Not just for our sakes but because it felt disrespectful to the church to be in their hall). Then I found out that the fundraiser wasn’t just for the purpose I’d be told about but was a joint fundraiser for the church AND the purpose I knew about.

So DW contacted her mum and told her that we weren’t going (me, DW and the 2 kids) - there’s no way in hell I’m giving them my $$.

Apparently I’ve ruined a perfectly nice family evening by not being prepared to pretend I’m straight, and getting upset about something that doesn’t even matter and isn’t important.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt so disrespected but according to my MIL I’m overreacting.

I really don’t think this is salvageable.

Or it could be Kiwi. Destiny Church are very vocal about that particular belief. We have $$$ too.

Wow, I bet she wouldn't be ok with "we are going to this gay-only fundraiser for an organisation that believes all straight people should be castrated, you can just pretend to be gay for a night".

you either go or your don't .. the end

Good for you. I think you need to tell MIL, via DW since her mother/her bad , that until she stops supporting institutions that discriminate against your family she is no longer welcome to visit , and you are considering whether or not you want your children to have contact with a bigoted granny who thinks they live in a house of sin.

Well, obviously the mil is in the wrong. But I would like more info!

Yes, me too!

YANBU to refuse to go, but... what would MIL do if you and your DW turned up, holding hands and generally letting it be known that you were a happy and normal family? Was she expecting you to pretend DW's husband had popped out to do Man Work and you were just the best friend standing in?!

The church makes people sign to denounce their homosexual relatives? That's horrendous.

Is this MILs religion? How did you know about this fundraiser! What were the raising for?

And what if you’d gone and innocently given away your status as gay? If you’re expected to hide something like that you should at least be forewarned. That said I don’t agree you should have been invited at all and don’t agree that your MIL is lining their pockets.

Your Mil is totally unreasonable

My friends husband was a JW and was cast off from his family when he started a gay relationship and subsequently married my friend. Sadly, he was killed in a car crash and the family contacted my friend to see if there was any money that could come to them. Cheeky fuckers.

Sadly, he was killed in a car crash and the family contacted my friend to see if there was any money that could come to them.

That fills me with impotent rage. How DESPICABLE.

Your MIL is an abomination. That would be it for me.

How are you supposed to explain it to your children? Are they meant to be colluding in the lie?
That rarely works out how you want.

YANBU!!!

sounds like a great opportunity to wash your hands of these dinosaurs:o

I'm 😶😶

mbosnz my friend's husband knew what they were like. He made a new will after marriage and it was expressly written that the family had disowned him and would not get a penny.

mbosnz my friend's husband knew what they were like. He made a new will after marriage and it was expressly written that the family had disowned him and would not get a penny.

Good on him. That was evil masquerading as sanctity.

You were right not to go. If it was just the hire of the church hall to raise money for a cause you believed in you might have been able to ignore it but why should you help raise money for a homophobic organisation?
I hope your mother in law comes to understand that you had no choice but to stay away

The major problem is that your MIL doesn't think it matters that your attendance would involve supporting a "church" which is for bigots and which thinks your life is an abomination. She has incredibly screwed-up values. Was it her idea to go to this event?

She seriously can’t see why you don’t want to go a fundraiser that’s partly for a church that thinks you’re an abomination?

And she wants you to 'pretend' you'r estraight? Wow. You are 110% in the right. I wouldn't go, and I'm straight.

Just like wtf

Apparently, I have ruined a perfectly nice family evening by not being prepared to pretend I'm straight 😱😱😱

For the record I'm over 60 and straight. I wouldn't touch this "Event" with a 90 foot bargepole!

The only perfectly nice families who will enjoy this are total bigots. 😡

to you and your DW. Get yourselves a nice bottle of something and enjoy your "Perfectly nice family evening" with your DW and DC at home.

Did MIL know all this? Or did she just know about the other purpose for the fundraiser and then get defensive when you presented your research?