Acceptable contact with a female friend

[lifeisarollercoaster11]

Out of interest, what is acceptable to you regarding
Your partner/ husband/ boyfriends contact with his female best friend. What are your limits in terms of what you will accept in your relationship .ta.

You obviously don’t trust him, so, dump him. Find a man who doesn’t have female friends.

Regardless of what anyone else thinks is right / wrong / normal etc, your boundaries aren't compatible. Some people would be fine with this, others would say it's weird. The fact is, you are suspicious, unhappy and insecure in this relationship. That isn't how it's meant to be! Cut your losses and move on my love.

why do you need us to tell you to dump him.

Youre not happy and seem to be in an unhealthy relationship- however i would say thats more on your part than his

I dont count texts that my OH sends, be it to a woman or man. Thats his business. He also wouldnt dream of asking me. We trust each other, pure and simple.

I would suggest you have a look at your insecurities and either consider counselling or trying cool down somewhat

What would he say if you suggested a meal out all 4 of you??

^ Calling her insecure JFC it sounds as if this friendship is a priority than your relationship OP

...sounds as if this friendship is a priority than your relationship OP.

^^More so.

Ditch the fucker.

What's going on with this thread? Normally everyone tells OP that he's clearly having an affair and she needs to LTB.

Where are all the controlling nutters who insist that men and women can never be friends?

Try harder people, this is not the MN way.

Ditch the fucker.

Oh, thank god you've arrived.

Shit... I've been texting my male friend for the past couple of hours & just counted 52 messages... no love hearts & we're generally just chatting about shit tonight but we have at times told each other that we think the other is great & probably used the 😍🥰😘 emojis at times (pics of kids etc, 😘 would usually be used sarcastically) but most likely to be 😜🤣🙈🙄🙃 emojis.

Shock horror - I'm single, he's married & he had been married for about 15 years before we met but I have met his wife (we're not friends but will make polite conversation when we see each other).

The difference here OP is that she trusts him & isn't threatened by my presence in his life.

You seem to be very controlling watching his online status etc it's not healthy for you or the relationship. If you don't trust him there's no point to the relationship.

@donquixotedelamancha, you're welcome.

I wouldn't feel happy with love hearts and constant texting.

Well I think this friendship may also be a greater priority than me . You think I'm stalking?? When he is online not replying to me bit clearly messaging and replying to someone else, of course I am going to be paranoid . What next?? Is he going to start having full blown text conversations with her every night while I'm
Sat beside him?? He is crafty enough to put his phone on airplane mode when with me and have a little check now and again if I go to bathroom
Etc . I wonder does he think I'm an idiot

Just dump him

Well ok then.

How long have you been together? You clearly dislike him intently, are jealous over his friendship and deeply unhappy.

So end it. What do you need us for? It doesn't matter if we treat men and women the same. You've got issues with it, you dislike your partner, you don't trust him, so end it.

@lifeisarollercoaster11 You are unhappy and fundamentally don't trust him - the intentions behind his behaviour don't really matter, you're already second guessing your own boundaries and it really shouldn't be this hard x

I wouldn’t be bothered by the messaging whether that be 10, 20, 100, 200 times a day. The issue here I think is the love hearts and declarations of affection that I think most women would be upset by if they were in the OP’s shoes.
The relationship doesn’t appear to be that healthy OP, just end it for both your sake

10 messages a day? Dont care.
Online and not replying to me? Dont care (if he is replying still and not ignoring me for days--- online statuses are very reliably unreliable. He may or may not actually be online)

Telling her he loves her? Well....yeah. If he is telling her he loves her then LTB. No one could tell you otherwise. It isnt the number or frequency thats the issue its the content. Unless he tells all his friends he loves them and he means it platonically. Im assuming you dont think thats the case

Putting his phone on aerplane mode with you is weird. How do you know she is married? Have you met? Tbh I would be more worried he has someone else than this married woman if he never has his phone "on" around you and doesnt reply in the evenings much.

If his phone is on airplane mode when he is with you then he is clearly hiding something.

Yes, she is his priority. He is making a fool of you.

If my husband worked all day with this colleague and felt the need to message her all evening, sending hearts and gushing about how great she is and how much he loves & respects her....he would become a single man.

Why are you tolerating this? Move on.

Yes. It the way he tells her he loves her isnt in a romantic way . Hard to explain . It's in the context of work or if there is an issue between them , he will say ... 'you know that you are very important to me and I love you very much so I am going to be honest with you and say..... '
It's a bit intense and full on I think

He's entitled to his own boundaries around relationship behaviour.

You're entitled to your own boundaries around relationship behaviour.

You are not comfortable with his boundaries. You are incompatible.

So the relationship isn't going to work - surely that's it?

My messages still come through on airplane mode? (misses point)

The texting wouldn't bother me but the love hearts and general mutual arse licking would.

Sort of depends if they are arranging something specific or just talking and is this everyday. I don't talk to anyone that much so can't relate really

If you're not happy and don't trust him, then stop torturing yourself and end it.