Dp doesn't believe I didn't drink.

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Apologies I know it sounds silly and petty but it's really niggling at me. I'm pregnant and was out last night for a friends birthday, something to eat and cocktails. Ended up being a late ish night and I had a great time. I'm at that nice pregnancy stage, where I'm not being sick or too tired and I'm not so huge I'm uncomfortable. You know those few weeks where you actually feel pretty good being pregnant 😂

Anyway got home around 2am, I'd let Dp know when I was due back so he was expecting me. He mentioned when I got in that he was surprised I'd stayed out so late not drinking but that was all. Told him about the night my friends antics etc.

This morning he sees on FB some photos and videos one of my friends posted and I'm dancing having a good time. He said I looked like I'd been drinking, I replied I was just happy to be out or something like that. And we left it.

But since he's mentioned it two more times, and the the last time I asked him "do you really think I was drinking alcohol, when I'm pregnant?" And he said "yes he does".
I know I definitely didn't and wouldn't and he's really pissed me off. I probably didn't respond great because when he said yes, I replied that it's not any of his business what I eat or drink anyway and if he really thinks I'd risk our baby he can fuck off.

I'm really not sure what to say or do now. I mean dancing is hardly a sign of drinking alcohol is it?

Surely the bigger issue here is that he’s essentially accusing you of being a liar?

I’m pregnant too and go to events where I’d usually drink and I’m surrounded by others drinking, but of course I’m not drinking and it’s such a given I wouldn’t (we discussed drinking before TTC and agreed on total abstinence for the duration of trying and pregnancy) OH wouldn’t even think to ask if I did or not. And if he did and I said I didn’t he’d believe me because he trusts me and loves me and believes I want the best for our child and isn’t a twat

Is this part of a bigger issue?

No it isn't. Stop defending yourself, tell him to shut his cake hole or you'll end up falling out.

Is he normally very trusting and respectful towards you?

Why doesn’t he trust you? Is this a new thing?

You do say you went out for something to eat and cocktails? Maybe that's why he thinks you were drinking?

Maybe that's why he thinks you were drinking

But she’s told him she wasn’t and he didn’t believe her. That’s the issue, not what he thought before that.

I would be annoyed about this too. He's basically accusing you of lying.

I probably didn't respond great because when he said yes, I replied that it's not any of his business what I eat or drink anyway and if he really thinks I'd risk our baby he can fuck off.
Why do you think that's not a good response? Seems fair enough to me.

I know I definitely didn't
Don't say this, though! Just say "I didn't drink". "I know I definitely didn't do it" is what people say who can't actually remember what happened and are having to base their statement on likelihood and their knowledge of their own character!

He is calling you a liar.

He's normally trusting, never doubted me before. This is our second Dc and he never even questioned if I'd drink while pregnant first time. He knew before it was food and cocktails because I was saying it's 241 but I'll have to have two of the same each time, as I'd be the only one drinking no alcohol ones.

That's my issue that he thinks I'm lying. But why? He knows I wasn't drunk and not that I would as I don't think it's worth the risk, but if I'd decided to have one drink or a low alcohol one or something I wouldn't lie to him about it.

This would piss me off no end OP, how dare he accuse you of 1) endangering your baby & 2) lying to him!

He's clearly just jealous you went out independently and had a good time despite being pregnant. What a wanker.

I probably didn't respond great because when he said yes, I replied that it's not any of his business what I eat or drink anyway and if he really thinks I'd risk our baby he can fuck off.

I'm really not sure what to say or do now.

I think you responded just fine. I don't think you need to do anything now, except possibly be ready to accept his apology.

Sounds more like he's annoyed you went out and enjoyed yourself.

He was fine about me going out @nighttimethoughts. He dropped me off, said how lovely I looked. I got home and he was up watching a film, told him about the night. We went to bed, had sex. He got up this morning with Ds and brought me a cup of tea up.
All ok until he saw those videos and photos.

I'm not justifying myself he either believes me or doesn't. But I'm not sure where that leaves us as he obviously doesn't.

Is he controlling in any way?
It does sound a bit like he's trying to make you so vigilant about proving you're NOT up to no good that you simply stay home to avoid "incriminating" fb pics.

This sounds quite insidious and potentially quite clever. After all, he did drop you off and say how nice you looked, so he's obvs so cool with you going out and enjoying yourself amirite? 🤨

No never really controlling or anything @PicsInRed.
We went through a phase of him being a bit so around other guys, right at the start of our relationship. Not controlling as such but he'd worry I'd met/got talking to someone else. This is years ago and I ended things for a while because of it. We got back together and he's never been like that since.

I did mention one of the bar men asked for my number, but that was last night and he wasn't funny about it then. Obviously I didn't give him it and I told him I was in a relationship.

Ahh so he’s angry and insecure about that and diverting his anger to the only thing he can think of to be angry with you about - even though it’s totally unfounded!

So he WAS controlling, you broke up with him for it, he made promises and wheedled his way back in and changed his method of abuse to be more subtle but still control you.

He's still controlling. He's just not being overt about it, anymore. He's using your own sense of right and wrong and concern about what people (including him) will think to manipulate YOU into regimenting yourself. He's so far into your head, he barely even has to do the work anymore. One little comment, you agonise over it.

He was a bad un and he still is. He's just cleverer about it now.

In the bin with him. 🗑🚮

I don't know if he was ever really controlling @PicsInRed. He never tried to get me to not go out, never mentioned what I wore or anything. It used to be after, we had a few instances where he said a friend had seen me talking to someone and one with someone commenting on a Instagram photo in a way he thought sounded like something had gone on. The comment wasn't great but nothing had happened he was just a bit of a sleazy guy. That's when I ended things because I said he obviously didn't trust me and believe I wanted to be with him and only him.
I can be a bit flirty I admit that and I don't know if I just have one of those faces but people always talk to me, not just men and not just guys chatting me up, just in general.

Last night I told him because my friends were messaging about it. One of them fancied him, he was rather nice looking and she was saying it must be the engagement ring and she's going to start wearing a fake one, my other friend said maybe he had a thing for pregnant women, it was light hearted joking and I told Dp. He was fine though, just said it's because you're the hottest and he was trying his luck. I can usually tell if he feels jealous and definitely didn't get that vibe from him.

He thinks I seemed too giddy to not have had a drink and I've been tired today, hmm yep because I was up late last night and I'm pregnant. And I said the other day I was going to miss a certain cocktail I like.

So that's his basis for why he thinks I was drinking. Which as others pointed out is irrelevant anyway because I've told him I didn't and that should be that!

If you had sex at the end of the night, he would have known if you'd been drinking alcohol as he would be able to smell it on your breath.
What better proof does he want of you not drinking?

It seems like he is doing the same thing. Fine at the time then being weird after looking at photos online.
I think you might need to tell him a lot less and not let him see any pictures of you.

The pictures were on fb and I didn't even know they were on until he mentioned them @Teacakeandalatte. I'm not going to stop telling him things or what he sees though. He's going to stop being a dickhead or he can fuck off.