Dp doesn't believe I didn't drink.

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Apologies I know it sounds silly and petty but it's really niggling at me. I'm pregnant and was out last night for a friends birthday, something to eat and cocktails. Ended up being a late ish night and I had a great time. I'm at that nice pregnancy stage, where I'm not being sick or too tired and I'm not so huge I'm uncomfortable. You know those few weeks where you actually feel pretty good being pregnant 😂

Anyway got home around 2am, I'd let Dp know when I was due back so he was expecting me. He mentioned when I got in that he was surprised I'd stayed out so late not drinking but that was all. Told him about the night my friends antics etc.

This morning he sees on FB some photos and videos one of my friends posted and I'm dancing having a good time. He said I looked like I'd been drinking, I replied I was just happy to be out or something like that. And we left it.

But since he's mentioned it two more times, and the the last time I asked him "do you really think I was drinking alcohol, when I'm pregnant?" And he said "yes he does".
I know I definitely didn't and wouldn't and he's really pissed me off. I probably didn't respond great because when he said yes, I replied that it's not any of his business what I eat or drink anyway and if he really thinks I'd risk our baby he can fuck off.

I'm really not sure what to say or do now. I mean dancing is hardly a sign of drinking alcohol is it?

You'd think wouldn't you @SluggishSnail or even that as his partner who he loves and trusts I've said I didn't drink alcohol so you know that means I didn't.

He's gone to the pub for a few with his mates now and I'm actually fuming.

He would have smelt it but n your breath last night. Plus despite what people think when they’ve had a drink (or three) it’s fairly obvious to somebody who hasn’t been drinking if you have had a few.

He’s being a pillock.

Exactly @Zofloramummy and if he thought it last night he'd have surely said something.

I'm actually really furious and it seems like such a silly thing to argue over but I'm tempted to tell him not to bother coming home. I just can't grasp why he's said it or what he's hoping to achieve.

OP, he's "fine" with you going out only for show. His comments and unpleasantness afterwards are designed to manipulate you into "choosing" not to go out.

He's not really allowing you to go out, because every time you go out you are psychologically punished afterwards. If this relationship goes on, I guarantee you will become a virtual shut in. It's what he's actively working on every single day. It is his number one relationship goal with you. You are not a person to him, you are an object he owns.

I think you're being punished for going out. And he's trying to be very clever about it.

Smacks of control when he knows perfectly well that you weren't drinking.

But it's not every time @PicsInRed. He hasn't done anything like this since we got back together and that was more than 5 years ago. Before Ds I went out more than him and nothing.
I don't get it! Either he's messing with me for some reason or he really thinks I was drinking.
He's come home and he's acting like nothings wrong and he doesn't know why I'm in a mood with him.

He never tried to get me to not go out, never mentioned what I wore or anything. It used to be after, we had a few instances where he said a friend had seen me talking to someone and one with someone commenting on a Instagram photo in a way he thought sounded like something had gone on.

This is controlling behaviour. It's all about getting you to "police" yourself so you don't do anything to raise the comments from him.

And now you say he's acting like he doesn't know why you're off with him. He does know, he's messing with you. Subtle but it's there.

Those things I mentioned are more than five years ago though @MulticolourMophead.
We took a while to get together despite him wanting to and in the beginning he wasn't sure I was really that into him I guess he felt a bit insecure. I had a ex who I was on and off with and he'd pop up occasionally and he's worth if I'd seen him/spoke to him. We sorted all that out though and since then nothing.
Now I'm wracking my brain if he's been doing stuff and I've not noticed.

He asked what was wrong and I told him I'm not happy about what he said and why would he. He just shrugged and said he feels like I had been drinking, he's sorry if he's wrong. I asked if he thinks I'm lying then and he said he guesses not. I said I don't think it's that at all, so that is it really. He just shrugged again and said it's nothing else.

But that behaviour is still part of his personality, and can reappear at any time. And right now, something in those pics has triggered some crappy behaviour from him. It's not you, it's him. I suspect that previous insecurity is rearing it's head again.

The photos/videos were just us dancing, having a laugh. Nothing inappropriate or anything he'd worry about.

He's not saying more and it feels such a silly thing to fall out over. I'm guessing I just keep a eye on it and make sure it's just a one off. We're due to get married next year and we've got Ds and another on the way, so surely he knows now that I'm committed to him.

^ He knows now I'm committed to him-no he thinks you're trapped! His response to "I guess not" means he still thinks you're being untruthful! He's a fucking idiot!

That's what I'm worrying about @EKGEMS. We didn't plan Dc just yet but he was so happy both times where as I struggled a bit with the idea. I don't know if I'm just worrying myself for no reason but it's really got to me and I'm wracking my brain to think if he's done similar and I've just not noticed or something.

Yeah, his responses this evening are not apologetic or imply he believes you at all... I would be really upset by that

I hope he has a sudden revelation he's been a total ninny

Only you know if he's being controlling but I do agree with other PPs and from my own experience with a controlling ex that they can be "fine" with you going out on the surface, mine was, he would never be that blatant as to not be. He would just punish me after - there would almost always be something he would get upset about, some shitty comment he would make or some fight he would start that gradually made me stop going out so much as it was just not worth it. Without me even really realizing it.

I'm not saying he's like that but his accusation here and the ones in the past aren't good and it might be worth thinking in more detail about his behaviour in between, to see if there are things that are not so recognizable as "control". Also agree that these tendencies usually intensify when they think they've "got" you.

People get jealous sometimes and they say stupid things. This was a pretty stupid thing to say and I would imagine he doesn't actually think you were drinking but maybe worried about something else. If my dp came in from a night out and told me someone asked for his number, I would probably wonder what had gone on that they would be wanting to swap number. 🤷‍♀️ That's just me, I'm quite a jealous person, can't help it.

OP, he just bided his time until he thought 'er indoors was good 'n' stuck, then he's gone overt on the controlling again.

He's shit. I'm sorry you've had to be pregnant to find out. If I could build myself a time machine back to pregnancy, I'd have left my ex then, like a shot. Trust me, it's so much easier to leave and rebuild with the baby inside than outside.

This is your moment, your warning. Grab it and run. God I wish I did. Years more misery followed. Spoiler alert, they're even more of an arsehole once baby is born. 🤨

We already have a Ds @PicsInRed, he's 7 months. This is our second.

His ego has been bashed that you had a great night out without him - and it wasn't an alcohol fuelled one!

That's what I'm wondering @Drogosnextwife he admits he can get a bit jealous. But he's always said he'd like to know if somethings happened so he doesn't hear about it second hand. Some of my friends go out with his, so I thought if one of them said something jokingly and their Dp told mine it's like I've hidden it from him. Now I'm sat here thinking why the hell would I even think that though.

And the fact he hasn't said, yes sorry I was bothered about the guy. He's still making out like he doesn't trust me to not drink when I'm pregnant. He knows me, he knows there's no way I would. So I can only think he's messing with me for some reason.

I've been a bit off with him still and he text from work today asking why, so I said. Then he's come home and he was apparently joking, of course he believes me.

I don't believe that though. He wasn't joking I can tell when he's joking and I just know. I don't know what he was thinking or why exactly he was saying it but it wasn't a joke.

I feel a bit like he was trying to make out I'm a bad mum, he's said things before 'joking' but I'm wondering if it's less joking than I've thought. I don't know, I'm pregnant and emotional so it's hard to think straight, but it's really unsettled me for some reason.

it's really unsettled me for some reason

Because you've worked it and him out.

I don't know if I'm just being paranoid @PicsInRed.
I'm breastfeeding and when he gives Ds a bottle of expressed milk he always says "Sorry son, I know this isn't what you really want but mummy wants a break" and similar when he gets up with him, stuff like "oh I'll have to do mummy would rather sleep" he says it likes he's joking but I'll admit a few times I've said, does he want me and I've ended up taking Ds.
He's not lazy he really pulls his weight in the house and with Ds, so I don't think he's trying to get out of doing stuff.

@NotReadyForThisX2 those comments are really disrespectful... he's doing it slowly to knock your confidence in yourself. Next time laugh and say something sarcastic back, see how he takes it

It's not paranoid if it's the truth , though, is it?
You're clever and you've figured him out.