Dp doesn't believe I didn't drink.

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Apologies I know it sounds silly and petty but it's really niggling at me. I'm pregnant and was out last night for a friends birthday, something to eat and cocktails. Ended up being a late ish night and I had a great time. I'm at that nice pregnancy stage, where I'm not being sick or too tired and I'm not so huge I'm uncomfortable. You know those few weeks where you actually feel pretty good being pregnant 😂

Anyway got home around 2am, I'd let Dp know when I was due back so he was expecting me. He mentioned when I got in that he was surprised I'd stayed out so late not drinking but that was all. Told him about the night my friends antics etc.

This morning he sees on FB some photos and videos one of my friends posted and I'm dancing having a good time. He said I looked like I'd been drinking, I replied I was just happy to be out or something like that. And we left it.

But since he's mentioned it two more times, and the the last time I asked him "do you really think I was drinking alcohol, when I'm pregnant?" And he said "yes he does".
I know I definitely didn't and wouldn't and he's really pissed me off. I probably didn't respond great because when he said yes, I replied that it's not any of his business what I eat or drink anyway and if he really thinks I'd risk our baby he can fuck off.

I'm really not sure what to say or do now. I mean dancing is hardly a sign of drinking alcohol is it?

That is really disrespectful and manipulative OP.

And ah, the old "joke not a joke". It's standard for abusers/manipulators when they know they've gone too far. Now he can make out that it's your fault for taking him seriously. He's gaslighting you, and yes, you're feeling unsettled because you're starting to see it.

What do I do? What do I say to him?

You say nothing.
You act.

Free solicitor consultations.
Squrreling money away, clear cookies on your devices, make sure he has no idea what you're up to. You sneak a couple of valuable out each day in your handbag (family pictures, irreplaceable items). Leave with family.
Lease a flat, furnish it. Tell him nothing.

When you're ready, you leave - with the children - while he's out, filing for residency of the children the same day.

That's the only way to leave a sneaky and controlling man.

The first thing though, is say nothing, squirrel money.

As others have said, you need an exit plan.
This playing with your head is gaslighting.
It will escalate.

The weird accusation about drinking was frankly odd. But the emotional blackmail about performing basic parenting tasks to avoid having to care for his own child is inexcusable. He isn’t a good dad at all. He is guilt tripping you into taking over and making you feel like you are a crap mum because you expect him to actually parent!

Luckily ds is 7 months old, but what happens when he is old enough to understand? Is he going to believe what his dad is saying to him? Because it won’t stop, he will continue with this behaviour. Every lie in, every time he is asked to bath time, get him dressed, take him somewhere. You will be wondering if he is saying sorry son mum couldn’t be bothered to do this with/for you.

I personally wouldn’t be planning to stay.

He's really not bad though @PicsInRed and @Mythologies. He's generally a really supportive partner, he'd do anything for me. All his wages are paid into the joint account, I spend anything on anything. He's very affectionate and tells me how beautiful I am. He spends time with Ds, does bath time helps through the night, takes him swimming. He does his share in the house.

I don't know. I'm not happy with what he said and what it's made me notice. But it's not enough to leave him. We've got Ds and another Dc on the way, a mortgage, a wedding booked for next year. And I love him and we get on great, no problems in our day to day.

He does a lot of that though @Zofloramummy and without any complaint. When he says things it's said jokingly and I'm not sure if I'm just worrying now. If I then get up with them Dp won't stay in bed we'll just both get up and I do tend to get a lie in at least once a week. I don't know it's really difficult to explain and I don't want to make him sound horrible because he's not. I just feel odd like somethings made me feel unsettled when it didn't bother me before.

But it's got to be worth talking about with him, hasn't it?

Then you need to sit down and tell him how upset hearing what he says to your ds makes you feel. How disrespectful it is. And remind him that a joke is only a joke if you both find it funny. But you are feeling like it’s an attack and it’s not funny at all.

See what he says. Hopefully he takes on board what you are telling him. If he says you are the one with problem and doesn’t acknowledge it’s an issue then I’m afraid nothing will change and you will be signing up to a lifetime of that behaviour. Not bad enough to make you leave but bad enough to make you feel upset.

No one here can definitely say you should do this or that. We can only give advice based on our own experiences and relationships. I’ve been in a relationship where the jokey banter was a corrosive acid to my self esteem and well being. So I am probably biased. I’m hoping if he loves you as much as he says he does he will show it by saying sorry, by seeing it from your perspective and not doing it anymore! Good luck with the chat and yes I think you should talk to him.

corrosive acid to my self esteem and well being

This, exactly. My experience exactly.
OP, the advice you are receiving here is from women who have been in your position and have the wisdom of hindsight.
Mine was also "supportive" and told me I was "beautiful" and helped with our child ... but also played with my head, made me feel ugly and punished me for those times he "had" to help with the kids.

If they were bastards all the time, who would stay? That's their trick. It's THE trick. They're not just abusive, sometimes they're nice. That's the bit that keeps you with them, stops you leaving.

I do get what you are both saying @Zofloramummy and @PicsInRed. The other comments haven't bothered me at the time though, I'd just say something back and we do have quite a jokey relationship. But his comment on Sunday, just felt different and that's made me question a few things.

I will talk to him but haven't just yet. He knows he's in the dog house so he's being super nice at the moment.

Maybe he’s judging you by his own standards OP and having seen the pictures it’s inconceivable to him that anyone can have a night out like that without drinking. Doesn’t excuse how he’s dealing with it but might explain why he’s doubting you because he’s projecting himself in your shoes.

Nah, he wouldn't dance or have fun even if he was drunk @cheeseandpineapple. He's a miserable twat!
He knows what I'm like though and he knows I like a dance, he's seen me out and not drinking and I wasn't any different on that night out.

Sounds like he might have acted or seemed nonchalant about the barman asking for your number but then seeing the photos the next day stirred some jealousy and suspicion which translated into the accusations about drinking?

In any event sounds like you need to talk it through with him and at the very least he owes you an apology.

Only you can know what to do OP. But I would second the PP that said controlling, emotionally abusive guys aren't like that all the time, that that indeed is the trick that makes you stay. Mine told me he loved me more than anything and that I was a goddess (except when he was telling me I was deceitful and he didn't want to be with me because I stayed out with a girlfriend during the day slightly longer than planned etc etc).

Just know you don't have to stay with him, if it makes you unhappy, even if he is great sometimes and even if there is love there. It is about finding the life in which you can breathe.

I have talked to him but it hasn't really resolved anything. He's said he's sorry, didn't mean it and all that.
I don't know! He's really not generally nasty or controlling. But if I needed to leave it would be easy to do so, although he'd be the one leaving not me.

If you had drunk anything, he'd have found out when having sex with you. Ridiculous bullshit accusation.

I'd (seriously) unfriend him on Facebook since he was a weirdo about pix of yiu enjoyong yourself. That shit boils my piss. A husband should be your biggest fan and nothing but supportive, esp when you are pregnant.

It was on my friends post @RiversDisguise. He's FB friends with them too.
He knows I didn't drink, I know it. If he'd admit he was a bit jealous or annoyed I stayed out so late, I wouldn't be bothered. But it's the way he's doing it/saying it and making out he's fine and I'm now being silly still going on about it.

He wouldn't 'get' away with being funny about me staying out late or being jealous. But I mean I wouldn't be as annoyed as this has made me. I'd just telling him to stop being a silly twat and that would be the end of it. Where as it's now becoming a bigger thing because I'm fucked off with him.

@NotReadyForThisX2

Having now had the chance to read some of your past posts (good to see you are keeping yourself busy) I am comfortable in thinking you may well have been drinking. While I wouldn’t condone that, of more concern is some of your other behaviour; it’s self absorbed, lacking any empathy and befitting of someone who never quite got round to growing up, for whatever reason.

You need to address this for the sake of yourself, your DP and more importantly your DCs.

It takes a lot for me at this age to be surprised by the startling lack of self awareness some posters exhibit but you have done just that. Go you. You are a parody of yourself, you just can’t see it and I suspect sadly you never ever will