Taking Children to visit Dad in prison.

[TreTops]

My Children's Father is currently serving a 6
Month prison sentence (so should be out in 3 months) The kids are aware he is in prison but I don't know whether to take them to visit..

We are separated due to the charge.

I don't know whether to take the kids to visit (primary school age) or whether to make them wait till he comes out? I wondered if anyone had been through anything similar/had any advice

It depends on so many things. What did he do? What type of prison is it? Will they be able to cope with seeing him incarcerated? Did they see him regularly before the imprisonment? As it's only three months I'd be tempted to just have them write letters - I don't think prison is the place for DC.

Prisons are no place for children, especially young ones. Wait until he comes out.

No. It’s only 6 months. He can see them afterwards assuming that’s appropriate

I wouldnt. If they are young, they dont need to be exposed to this.

It would depend entirely on his relationship with them before he went to prison I would have thought.

Some prisons have a family visiting centre which is far more pleasant than ordinary visiting areas.

Unless he is an open prison, I wouldn't. I have visited a modern prison and found it a very distressing experience - much more so to see someone you know in those conditions. It is 3 months - can he speak to them by phone? Or email?

I wouldn't. It's a short sentence, there's no need. Don't normalise this to them.

Is there a family visiting day? What do they want? If they aren’t worried then I wouldn’t but if they do want him to then I’d consider it but fully prepare them for what it will involve.
Having said that what do you mean about you being separated due to the charge? If it’s domestic abuse related then it certainly shouldn’t be you taking them.

If its only 3/6 months I wouldn't take them

I agree I wouldn’t. They are you enough to find it very intimidating and old enough to remember it for the rest of their lives.

Get them to do some drawings and send them. Also I think prisoners have access to an email account (an official one) so you could maintain contact by facilitating emails.

No. Why would you want them to see the inside of a prison. Have the memory of going to see Dad in prison.
How awful. And embarrassing. No chance.

If you're separated due to the charge, that implies to me it's something bad enough to protect the children from.

If he was in longer I'd be inclined to take them occasionally but if he'll be out in 3 months (& possibly earlier on tag) I'd leave it.

No I wouldn't, my husband has been deployed longer than that, the children will be fine not seeing him for just 3 months. Stick to writing and phone calls if allowed.

The memory of the visits are very likely to stay with your kids forever. Is he likely to reoffend and be in and out of prison throughout their childhood?

Mother have and are compelled by courts to maintain access even when the father is in prison. So I’d disagree that’s it’s such an awful place for kids to be.

However it’s a bloody short time so maybe if you can swing not taking them then don’t

Men go away for months at a time in the armed forces, leaving their families behind. This sort of time period is no different.

Why do you feel you need to facilitate contact when you've split up with him because of what he did?

It depends on so many things - what's he done? Is he a close and loving father or do you do all the proper parenting? What kind of prison? A category A prison would be scary for young DC.

I've visited someone in prison and it's fucking terrible. Courts force mothers to maintain access with wife-beaters, rapists and child abusers so their judgement when it comes to prisons is probably lacking. They put fathers' interests way ahead of that of children.

Mother have and are compelled by courts to maintain access even when the father is in prison. So I’d disagree that’s it’s such an awful place for kids to be

Yes because the "courts" are always bang on when it comes to child contact issues aren't they?

I've visited someone in prison and was horrified seeing so many small children having to endure the lengthy process. If you've never prison visited before it actually takes up most of your day. If you have transport that's helpful. You then start the about two hour process of waiting then being searched and walking past sniffer dogs. Prison visiting isn't to meet the children's needs, it's to meet the needs of the convicted person. Please don't do it. I'm sure their father would appreciate if you helped them write a letter

It's an open prison. He is/was a good Dad and the children will continue to see him after he comes out.

I don't think they will benefit from going to see him if anything I would be going so he could see them, which I Suppose answer my question and I shouldn't take them.

If asked them they would say they wanted to go but I do think it would cause them upset

Op have you been to a prison before?
It's scary for an adult never mind a child.
I would say no way in a million years. He chose to do the crime so he has to do the time and that means without his dc.

If they have a family visiting centre I'd take them.

if you were to go depending on the prison they do homework clubs where the atmosphere is a lot more relaxed prisoners are able to move and interact with children etc , the visits are on a smaller scale so less intimidating and the wait to get in is a lot less , the formal visits are awful for kids quiet strict and seriously loud , if I can help you in anyway please pm me