I know I should probably post this in AIBU but a bit nervous of that board at times!
Bit of backstory so as not to drip feed: been with DP for nearly 3 years. We both have children from previous relationships and complications with ex DP’s mean we tend to only see each other properly EOW. Lots of phone calls and ongoing messages the other times when apart.
Tonight DP was going out to a pre-arranged gig with a group of friends. I was never invited to this, even though other friends had girlfriends coming. The band weren’t my cup of tea so I didn’t really push being invited.
This week has been one of the most stressful of the last year for me. I teach and am senior management at a failing school. It’s been statutory assessment week and the pressure on me has been immense. I’ve had to go to bed early with stress migraines and generally felt awful.
Today was a hideous day. Exams were challenging, a friend (who has children both the same age as mine) told me she has breast cancer and we were informed at work of a local authority review/ inspection of all our work to ensure progress. This will take place in around 8 working days time. It’s a massive thing to prepare for.
During this week, I have spoken to DP for less than 10 minutes. Messaging has been less and ‘chat tomorrow’ has been his general message, which hasn’t happened. Today I had one ‘good morning’ message.
Feeling pretty shit, I sent him a message before bed saying I hoped he was enjoying himself, I loved him and to have fun. But added I’d had an awful day but listened to ‘our song’ And thought about him a lot to help me feel better. And good night. It wasn’t an usual message and have sent others like this before which he picks up in the morning.
This is where the AIBU comes in. A little while later he relied saying ‘xxxx were amazing!’, followed by an added message saying he was ‘beyond happy’. I replied saying I was going to bed now as felt down. He then rang me asking why I’d said anything as it has ‘killed his buzz’. And then hung up.
I messaged back saying that wasn’t a helpful reply to my ‘I’m having the worst day’ message and that I just needed to touch base with him. He phoned back, continually yelling at me that I was a needy drama queen and how dare I ruin his night out with my problems. He didn’t want to know them.
I told him that, as my DP of nearly three years, I felt shit that my feelings were of lesser importance than a night out and all I needed was to reach out to him. He told me he expected me to apologise to him tomorrow for ruining everything. I told him I was no longer talking to him on the phone as he was being a selfish bastard and I didn’t deserve that. He hung up again.
I’ve been laying here wide awake ever since crying. He has never behaved in that way before or ever made me feel so worthless and unimportant.
Did I do wrong by saying I’d had a bad day? He knows how awful the last few days have been already and I really wasn’t looking to spoil things for him, just say goodnight and that I’d had a bad day and needed him and that I loved him.
Did I deserve his reaction? Sorry this is so long!