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Original poster

WWYD? Friend trying to get me to admit feelings for him

55 replies

TTSS · 17/05/2019 21:45

I have a very dear friend who means a great deal to me. I’m very very attracted to him and I think he likes me too but I’m not 100% sure. I slipped up recently and said a couple of things that have got him suspicious and now he’s digging deeper and deeper and he’s told me that he won’t give up until he gets to the bottom of it.

The problem is that he’s the kind of person who is likely to go NC if this is a one sided thing. I really like him but I’m so scared of losing his friendship. He’s my best friend.

WWYD? Should I just keep dodging the question? He’s not going to give up.

OP posts:
HigaDequasLuoff · 17/05/2019 21:56

Either you want this, and need to start being honest with yourself and him, and you admit it.

OR you don't want it and he is being an arsehole for not dropping this.

Really only you can decide which.

Not deciding, for the sake of staying friends, is not an option.

Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 21:58

I want it so so much but I would rather keep him as a friend and know him for the rest of my life than lose him altogether if he doesn’t feel the same way about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 21:59

Also I don’t want to make him feel awkward or uncomfortable. I don’t want him to look back on time that we spent together and chats that we had together and think “who was that person who was pretending to be my friend?”.

OP posts:
parpar12 · 17/05/2019 22:10

Just tell him.. I doubt he's asking you to boost his ego, so go for it!

category12 · 17/05/2019 22:11

This is really bizarre. Why would he go no contact?

Why is he "digging" - doesn't sound very respectful of boundaries?

Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:13

parpar12, why not though? He has told me in the past that he thinks I’m beautiful (not “I think you’re beautiful” but more as a statement of fact). Maybe he likes the idea of what he thinks of as a beautiful woman who he really likes as a friend being attracted to him. That would be a nice ego boost wouldn’t it?

OP posts:
usernamepinched · 17/05/2019 22:15

It all sounds very Mills & Boon. Tell him and be done with it.

Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:15

category12, he’s all about honour and doing the right thing. If he thought that I fancied him and he didn’t feel the same way, I’m pretty sure he’d go NC to help me move on and get over him. He sees the world as being very black and white.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2019 22:15

This man is your "friend" ?

Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:16

usernamepinched, I’m scared. You’re right, I’m a hopeless romantic.

OP posts:
Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:16

Yes we’re friends AnyFucker. What do you mean?

OP posts:
category12 · 17/05/2019 22:17

Is he a nice person? Is he kind? Is he trustworthy?

If he's not those things, your attraction and friendship are very misplaced.

AnyFucker · 17/05/2019 22:19

He sounds like a dick. He sounds like somebody where if you step out of line he will punish you for it. He sounds like really hard work, having you second guess every thought in your head

That's not friendship

Friendship should be comfortable, should be easy. Not a headfuck.

Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:19

Yes he’s nice and he’s kind. If he went NC it would be in an attempt to protect me. I hope I’m wrong. I hope we have the kind of friendship that could ride it out but it’s a huge risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:21

It’s not a headfuck. It is comfortable and easy. I have never felt so close to another person. I could tell him anything and often do. He’s a very very special friend. I’m just scared that, if I admit my feelings to him, that the dynamic of our friendship will change. The balance of power will shift.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2019 22:21

God save us from "principled" men

category12 · 17/05/2019 22:22

Your fears don't seem consistent with him being those things, tho? His "digging" into things you don't want to disclose doesn't seem consistent with that either.

Original poster
TTSS · 17/05/2019 22:24

Well I’m torn. I do want to disclose how I feel if he feels the same way! It’s such a mess.

OP posts:
Ruru8thestars · 17/05/2019 22:24

He doesn’t sound lovely at all! I’d outright tell him you aren’t attracted to him and see if he backs off

KurriKawari · 17/05/2019 22:25

He's not much of a friend if he goes NC over this. I've been best friends with a guy for 23 years, everyone knows he's in love with me, he makes no secret of it, and I'm honest with him that nothing will ever happen, and our friendship is still fine.
I think if it is one sided it's more you who will have an issue than him.

thirdfiddle · 17/05/2019 22:25

Raise eyebrows next time he digs and say "hey, what's the inquisition for?" or something. You've let things slip. He's noticed. That means it's his move in my book. His turn to give a hint if he also wants things to go further.

Seems like he's playing some kind of Jane Austen in reverse game where you have to declare your intentions before he can decide whether to fall in love or not. Couldn't be doing with that.

Mymessymind · 17/05/2019 22:26

Why is he trying to get you to declare your feelings for him? Obviously he knows or he wouldn’t be ‘trying to get to the bottom of it.’ He doesn’t sound like a genuine friend. More like someone trying to flatter himself.

category12 · 17/05/2019 22:26

It just seems like you're the supplicant here already, tho, OP. He's gonna dig, and he's gonna decide, and he's so great and "noble", which sends an old cynic like me's eyeballs a-rolling.

LuckyLou7 · 17/05/2019 22:30

He doesn't sound like a special, special friend, he sounds like a twat. If you were as close as you say you are, then you would be able to tell him easily and happily, that you are attracted to him and want more than friendship from him. He's told you he thinks you are beautiful as a statement of fact - but not as a flirtatious comment. He's a man who likes the company of attractive women but if he wanted you to be his girlfriend, you wouldn't be having these daft little conversations.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 17/05/2019 22:31

He sounds horrible