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Original poster

Should she force him to wear his wedding ring?

90 replies

Kong5891 · 14/05/2019 22:45

Today my sister is upset because her husband, who she married last month, does not want to wear his wedding ring - his reason being “I don’t like wearing jewellery.” I’ve never seen him any jewellery in the ten years I’ve know him but it seems like a lame excuse and has only worn it a few days before giving him saying it feels weird and it’s irritating. I feel upset for my sister and don’t know how to help her. Should she be upset? They have been together 10 years and I know it’s definitely not because he’s going to cheat. When she told him she’s upset he came back with well, you haven’t taken my name which she hasn’t but for reasons he said he understood. I was there when the argument took place and I didn’t know what to say. Should she expect him to wear the ring?

OP posts:

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 15/05/2019 07:29

I think the surname thing is a bit of red herring. It sounds to me more like he said ‘well, you haven’t taken my surname’ as a way of pointing out that he respected her when she wanted to ‘break tradition’, he’s just asking for the same level of respect in return.

A piece of metal does not make you anymore married. My grandad never wore a ring in the 40+ years he was married to me grandmother. I hope very much to have a marriage as strong, respectful and loving as there’s.

PBobs · 15/05/2019 07:29

Weird conversation to have after buying it and after the event. Did they not discuss or did he change his mind? If the latter I can understand why she's upset although she still doesn't have the right to dictate what he wears.

wichitalinemanswoman · 15/05/2019 07:31

Why do you care so much?

CherryPavlova · 15/05/2019 07:33

My husband doesn’t have a wedding ring. He thinks jewellery is for women. I’ve just written this on another thread. Deja vu ?

ptumbi · 15/05/2019 07:36

Two Threads aboutit, OP?

Top answer your question - should she force him to wear it? NO, she shouldn't. Unless she is a controlling cow, in which case he'd be better off not married to her (and not wearing her ring)

DustyMaiden · 15/05/2019 07:38

She should stop wearing hers. See if that holds any importance to him.

MorrisZapp · 15/05/2019 07:40

Prince William doesn't wear one? I'm oddly fascinated by this. How do we know he doesn't? And does anyone know why?

Turquoisesea · 15/05/2019 07:43

I’ve been married 16 years & my DH has never worn his as doesn’t like the feel of it. The only thing that bugs me is we chose it before the wedding & it was quite expensive. If I had known he wasn’t ever going to wear it I would have bought a really cheap one for the ceremony. Apart from that it doesn’t make us any less married. His DF has never worn one either & has been married to his DM for over 50 years.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2019 07:44

She should stop wearing hers. See if that holds any importance to him.

Or she could not be a manipulative cow and let him make his own decisions.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2019 07:45

How do we know he doesn't?

I'm guessing because he is never seen in public wearing one. Did he get one in the ceremony?

PeakedTooEarly · 15/05/2019 07:46

I'm intrigued to know how she would 'force' him to wear it. He would take it off the minute he left the house surely? Far more likely to lose it that way.

Is she worried he will cheat? Does she think his wearing a wedding ring would act like a crucifix in keeping the floosies at bay?

specterlitt · 15/05/2019 07:51

Honestly, there's many who are quite happy not to wear rings because of profession or choice, it does not make their commitment to their partner any less. Commitment comes from you as a person, a piece of jewellery does not give you it. The jewellery is just a tangible piece that shows others you are married, that is it. If he is not comfortable wearing it, he shouldn't be forced. I would hope your sister otherwise is happy with her husband and does trust him? I don't always wear my rings, sometimes I'm happy to just be without anything on my hands.

swampytiggaa · 15/05/2019 07:52

My Husband has never been able to wear a ring at work. He has a wedding ring and wears it very occasionally. I think it’s too big for him now... I’ve suggested selling it to go towards something else but he wants to keep it.

Not bothered tbh I trust him with or without a ring on 🙂

FunnyHappyGirl · 15/05/2019 07:55

No, Prince William wasn't given one during their wedding.

I'd like my fiancé to wear one but he doesn't think he'll like it. All I've asked of him is that he tries. We'll get him a cheap one so if he doesn't take to it it's not wasted too much money.

He's always said it doesn't matter if people wear them or not but on one occasion claimed that someone he saw "can't possibly have been married as they weren't wearing a ring". This I did pick him up on!

This and changing names is surely something you talk about before you get married? My DP knows I'll not be changing my name for work and isn't bothered in the slightest.

To be honest these are reasonably minor things and despite being together 10 years it doesn't sound like it bodes well for the relationship as a whole.

specterlitt · 15/05/2019 07:56

@ScreamingLadySutch I'm seriously hoping you're trying to be funny with that post because wow, just WOW.

If a piece of jewellery is what you think trust is valued on, you really need to seek help.

MorrisZapp · 15/05/2019 08:04

Prince William is my new favourite royal! I bought DP a ring a few years back, just because it was quite cool. He was delighted with it, and wore it maybe twice. No idea where it is now, probably in the bin.

Lots of people just don't like rings on their fingers. I can only wear band type rings, nothing with a stone or setting.

I have my grans beautiful garnets and I wear them on Christmas day only.

NameChangeNugget · 15/05/2019 08:14

I think she’s getting her knickers in a twist about something which in the grander scheme of things, means the square root, of fuck all.

She sounds odd. DH & I never wear our wedding rings

cantfindname · 15/05/2019 08:16

I am allergic to all metals, even gold, and have never worn a wedding ring. My only issue was that I couldn't rip it off and throw it at ex when I kicked him out...

notacooldad · 15/05/2019 08:19

DP and i didn't exchange rings at our wedding and have. Never worn a wedding ring in nearly 30 years.
We are both happily married to each other and everyone knows we are married.

Our reasons for not wearing a wedding Ring? We don't want to.
I don't understand all the upset from you or your sister. It's extreme.

ControversialFerret · 15/05/2019 08:29

I also interpreted the surname point as illustrating the fact that your sister clearly is comfortable about not following certain traditions, yet is expecting him to bend to her wishes over a wedding ring. Which is completely hypocritical.

And how exactly does she propose to "force" him to wear it? Surgically stitch it onto his finger? How would she feel if he told all of his relatives to refer to her as 'Mrs His Name'?

She's being utterly pathetic and passive aggressive about a small piece of metal. If she wants him to wear a ring despite the fact he finds it uncomfortable and annoying then she doesn't appear to value him all that much, does she?

likeridingabike · 15/05/2019 08:33

Wearing a wedding ring doesn't stop men or women from cheating, they cheat while wearing their wedding rings.

babyworry2018 · 15/05/2019 09:53

There's a tradition of only women wearing wedding rings which I find as problematic as only women changing their names.

I didn't have an engagement ring for lots of reasons but one was that it felt odd that I would be wearing jewellery that signifies being in a relationship and he wouldn't. Another was I've always hated the feeling of wearing rings, so I understand where her husband is coming from to an extent, but a plain gold band is the least annoying thing you could have on your finger.

I agree it's something he should have raised before they got married if he has an objection on principle, if it's just getting used to the feeling I think it would be fair enough to ask him to give it a month and see if he's still bothered.

DH and I made our rings together and we've both said we like spotting them during the day and being reminded of each other. It's a bit of a shame if he's unilaterally changing his mind on something she thought they'd both be doing together.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2019 10:58

if it's just getting used to the feeling I think it would be fair enough to ask him to give it a month and see if he's still bothered.

Or just accept that he has a mind of his own and let him make his own decision. Otherwise it might look like the wife wants to mark him as hers...

totallyoutnumbered · 15/05/2019 12:31

2 threads? I'm not sure why you're so involved or interested. I feel like there's an underlying issue here. Trust. In my experience plenty of married people who wear their rings cheat. Male and female. I think they've got bigger issues to discuss but I think you should stay out of it

Zoeputthatdown · 15/05/2019 12:41

his reason being “I don’t like wearing jewellery.” Sounds reasonable to me.
I’ve never seen him any jewellery in the ten years I’ve know him so not just him being anti- wedding ring.
It's a shame that your DSis is disappointed but that's for her to come and don't get involved.
Fwiw my DH didn't wear his wedding ring to begin with but within a few years started wearing it and still does.

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