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Original poster

Should she force him to wear his wedding ring?

90 replies

Kong5891 · 14/05/2019 22:45

Today my sister is upset because her husband, who she married last month, does not want to wear his wedding ring - his reason being “I don’t like wearing jewellery.” I’ve never seen him any jewellery in the ten years I’ve know him but it seems like a lame excuse and has only worn it a few days before giving him saying it feels weird and it’s irritating. I feel upset for my sister and don’t know how to help her. Should she be upset? They have been together 10 years and I know it’s definitely not because he’s going to cheat. When she told him she’s upset he came back with well, you haven’t taken my name which she hasn’t but for reasons he said he understood. I was there when the argument took place and I didn’t know what to say. Should she expect him to wear the ring?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 14/05/2019 23:11

Name change fail, OP?

horizontalis · 14/05/2019 23:12

DH doesn't wear his for several reasons I won't bore you with - it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2019 23:12

The way he threw the ‘you didn’t change your name so I shouldn’t have to wear a ring’ annoyed me more than anything.

So, she is allowed to comment on his choice but he can't comment on hers?

NCB2019 · 14/05/2019 23:12

@SoupDragon

It was only a suggestion! Hence 'could'. But if he hates jewellery why not? It's not jewellery after all.

Drum2018 · 14/05/2019 23:13

Dh wears his. I don't always wear mine. Bil doesn't wear one. It's not a big deal. Tell her to cop on.

NCB2019 · 14/05/2019 23:17

I agree it's not a big deal. I wear mine as my finger is too fat to remove it! 🙈 But I did use to take it off sometimes. I think because I was worried I'd damage it?! My DH never took his off till he lost weight and it fell off. We did talk about buying another one but we weren't that bothered. Funnily enough it turned up in the deflated paddling pool nearly a year later.

starzig · 14/05/2019 23:20

Nobody should be made wear anything they don't want to.

MumUnderTheMoon · 14/05/2019 23:23

I don't think it's lame. Not everyone likes jewellery honestly if I got married (extremely unlikely) I don't know if I'd wear one.

Nandocushion · 14/05/2019 23:24

Neither of us wears a ring, nor do we share a name.

OldAndWornOut · 14/05/2019 23:25

Nobody should ever be forcing anyone to do anything in a marriage.
Bloody ridiculous!

Drogosnextwife · 14/05/2019 23:28

My dad has never worn one, he never wear jewellery.
DP and I aren't married, but he said he wouldn't wear one either because he would feel daft wearing jewellery. I was a bit disappointed but his choice really.

ScreamingLadySutch · 14/05/2019 23:28

Men are such twats. Why do they make life so difficult!

Posh men tend not to wear wedding rings, in the old wedding ceremony only the wife is given a ring.

This is a perfectly reasonable open and honest conversation he could have had BEFORE getting married, now he has jolted his wife's trust in him with this avoidant passive aggressive BS.

SwimmingKaren · 14/05/2019 23:29

My dh often works on site so doesn’t wear his to work but will put it on if we are going out for the evening or something like that. I wore mine without fail for years and years but have worn it less lately. It doesn’t really matter or mean anything. I’d say he is resentful about the name thing though and that probably why he’s doing it.

OldAndWornOut · 14/05/2019 23:30

I would say he just doesn't like wearing jewellery.

frenchonion · 14/05/2019 23:31

It's a non issue. Or should be. It means nothing really! Hand your sister a grip!!

cheeseislife8 · 14/05/2019 23:33

My Dad never wore one due to his manual job, and it was never an issue. It doesn't mean you're any less married. They're obviously deeply committed either way, whether he wears it or not.
I wouldn't have been worried if DH had opted for that

happymummy12345 · 15/05/2019 00:04

I'll be honest I would hate it if my husband refused to wear a ring. Then again I'd hate not having his last name.
It matters to me, a lot and I would be very upset by it.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2019 06:59

Men are such twats. Why do they make life so difficult!

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. You could equally ask why women are such emotional twats making life difficult - it's just as ridiculous as your statement.

This is a perfectly reasonable open and honest conversation he could have had BEFORE getting married, now he has jolted his wife's trust in him with this avoidant passive aggressive BS.

What "avoidant passive agressive BS?" Saying he doesn't like wearing jewellery? How is that any of the things you accuse him of? If he's never worn a ring before he may have thought it would be OK. It isn't, he doesn't like it. End of story. How on earth does it jolt her trust?

fedup21 · 15/05/2019 07:04

What has this actually got to do with you, OP?!

I was there when the argument took place and I didn’t know what to say.

They are married-it’s their business. You shouldn’t be getting involved. Or is it about you and your husband really?

GCAcademic · 15/05/2019 07:10

When she told him she’s upset he came back with well, you haven’t taken my name which she hasn’t but for reasons he said he understood.

Perhaps he did understand her reasons for not taking his name, and also expects her to understand his reasons for not wearing a ring? Why is the latter a justification for being upset but not the former?

Tixytrick · 15/05/2019 07:17

No big deal in my opinion.

yikesanotherbooboo · 15/05/2019 07:20

It really isn't up to your sister to decide what her husband wears; she isn't in charge of him. Your Bil 's point about not taking on his surname is pertinent imo. I may be coming from a particular point of view on this as none of the men in my family wear wedding rings and in fact I know very few men who do.

Howdoisortthis · 15/05/2019 07:25

No one should force someone to do anything....

It’s up to him and him alone whether or not he wears a ring.

Sometimes I feel so disillusioned with marriage all to often it seems to be about ownership and control.

thisisthetime · 15/05/2019 07:28

I don’t really see what this has to do with you tbh. I could understand her posting if she was concerned but not sure why you are.

Dh doesn’t wear a ring, he got a cheap one as I wanted to exchange rings for the ceremony but he doesn’t like wearing jewellery. Prince William doesn’t wear a ring if that would help her feel better about it! I would have preferred dh to wear a ring at the start but certainly wasn’t going to make him. I think it was the novelty of being married and I thought it would be nice. Now I don’t even think about it. It’s just a ring and it means nothing. I love wearing mine though

PeakedTooEarly · 15/05/2019 07:29

We both have wedding rings but have no clue where they are right now to be honest. We have been married 16 years next month.
We wore them at the ceremony and I have worn mine twice going out but haven't seen them for ten years probably. He has never put his on after the ceremony. I don't know why we bothered to buy them actually.

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